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Original poster

Is this cheeky fuckery re wedding gift

545 replies

Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 09:55

I know I am unreasonable re the story as it’s my fault, but wondering if it’s CF behaviour! Lighthearted.

NC in case my dear friend is on here! If you are L, hello!!

Around 8 years ago, a friend and I went to one of those 90s band reunion concerts. The ticket was around £120 each and for some reason I never paid her back. I assume I completely forgot but I never paid her. I’m honestly not one to never pay back, so I really can’t remember what happened. She also never mentioned it herself as if she did, I would have paid.

So 8 years pass and I forget about it and she never mentions it.

I got married two weeks ago. Her wedding card included a note that her wedding gift is those concert tickets that I never paid her for. I checked my bank account (lucky in that the latest I can go back online is 2014!) and indeed I can’t see that I transferred her anything. I honestly cannot remember why I never paid her, it’s unlike me, but looks like I never did.

I text her to apologise for never paying her back, so there’s no issue between us at all, in fact I was more embarrassed that there was this debt hanging over us all this time.

But I’m just wondering if the way she approached it is in the realms of cheeky fuckery, or if it’s actually clever!

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 09/02/2022 13:49

I'm very sure that the thread has moved on since this post but for goodness sake, could you not have transferred the £70 to the friend by now (not knowing when the pandemic would end etc. would have been a big reason for paying this off before now). Also that £70 could have been used for something that the friend may have needed between then and now.

I went out to dinner with a friend right before the pandemic hit and he paid my share, which was £70, and I told him I’ll pay next time. It’s been two years and I’m conscious I still owe him a dinner! I’m usually very good!

Spotsandstars · 09/02/2022 13:51

She’s been really rude. You gave her a £200 wedding gift she could’ve just bought you a local spa voucher but r something and then inserted ‘the joke’.
It’s not a great way to deal with it and it’s sad she’s been boiling over it for so long, how weird!
I wonder what she will say now you’ve repaid her because actually she owes you a wedding present now….😉

fuzzyduck1 · 09/02/2022 13:54

That’s a long way to go back to worry about some unpaid tickets.
That must have been niggleing at her for years.
Maybe for her birthday you could send her a note writing off that coffee you bought her in 1994 that she never returned.

silverbubbles · 09/02/2022 13:58

Good for your friend!!

Burritogame · 09/02/2022 14:01

Those saying she forgot and only remembered before OP’s wedding about the money, she could have told OP about it later. Clearly none of them is hand to mouth considering the amounts mentioned in OP’s post for dinners, gifts etc.

burnoutbabe · 09/02/2022 14:02

@LookItsMeAgain

I'm very sure that the thread has moved on since this post but for goodness sake, could you not have transferred the £70 to the friend by now (not knowing when the pandemic would end etc. would have been a big reason for paying this off before now). Also that £70 could have been used for something that the friend may have needed between then and now.

I went out to dinner with a friend right before the pandemic hit and he paid my share, which was £70, and I told him I’ll pay next time. It’s been two years and I’m conscious I still owe him a dinner! I’m usually very good!

but he was Treating her?

So not paying up front and she should send over her 50% afterwards.

Now most of us, when that happens, think "i shall pay next time" but we don't owe them the money if it doesn't happen ever again,

And in fact, i imagine over most friendships, half the time it doesn't even split as you don't over 20 years go for an equal number of meals. But that is the "risk" you take with a friendship.

sofakingcool · 09/02/2022 14:04

I think that's pretty vindictive if your friend OP. Forgetting to pay is crap, but holding on to it to cause upset on your wedding day is low

Burritogame · 09/02/2022 14:05

@silverbubbles, why? have not read OP’s posts or do you think OP was trying to trick her friend over £120 and lying on this forum?
Friend could have asked another time but chose to do so on OP’s wedding day.

NativityDreaming · 09/02/2022 14:06

What a childish thing for her to do! Imagine keeping that in for 8 years just to pull it out for someone wedding. Yuck.

MayBMaybenot · 09/02/2022 14:08

To me the question is, did you remember the debt at any point in the 8 years, and, if so, why didn’t you just pay her and apologise for the delay? Or was the message at the wedding the first time it had crossed your mind since the event?

Clearly she had been thinking about it the whole time but never thought to remind you, so fault on both sides to me.

SpidersAreShitheads · 09/02/2022 14:10

I'm honestly amazed that anyone thinks it's acceptable behaviour by the friend.

From the OP's descriptions of the amounts they pay for dinners etc, they're obviously comfortable financially so it's not such a huge or significant sum that it might be to someone else.

Even if you think the OP is woefully negligent in accidentally forgetting, do you really think that a snippy comment in a card on her wedding day was a mature or kind thing to do, bearing in mind they're supposed to be friends?! There were a million other mature ways to handle this and it sounds as if there have been multiple opportunities over the years.

It's an awful thing to do. A passive aggressive dig on a day which is supposed to be special for you. She must have known that you'd feel terrible and guilty - and why would you want to do that to a friend on their wedding day?!

Even if the friend only just remembered, there are better, kinder and more mature ways to handle it. It was the right thing to do to repay her as it was a pointed and unpleasant dig dressed up as humour. I'd certainly let this friendship drift away.

Oh, just before you do, remind her that you gave her £200 for her wedding so she's cheaping out by just gifting you the £120 (joke, joke...sort of....)

HaveringWavering · 09/02/2022 14:13

And what about OP’s husband? Does he not get a gift then?

RobertsRadio · 09/02/2022 14:18

I don't understand why you send her £120 now, when she made it clear that the outstanding debt was her wedding gift to you and you gave her £200 when she got married. You should have just apologised for your forgetfulness and thanked her.

billy1966 · 09/02/2022 14:19

OP,

I think you were correct to transfer the £120.

Once more I am staggered by the lack of basic manners on MN.

What a truly appallingly rude think to do to someone upon their marriage.

So tacky.
So vulgar.
So crass.

If you did forget to pay, she definitely should have asked before now and had every right to do so.

But to think your wedding is the opportunity to "settle" the debt, in this way, which could only embarrass you, is so truly awful.

I wouldn't want to be in her company ever again.

She is No friend to behave in such a spiteful manner, in connection with your wedding.

onedayoranother · 09/02/2022 14:23

I thinks that's ridiculous of her and a bit nasty too. She should of just asked for it. If she suddenly 'remembered' then your wedding is not the time to make a point. Maybe she thought she was being funny, but I'd be wondering how much of a friend she is if still holding on to this after all this time, and why she didn't just come out and ask for it (is she hard up? Personally I would have written it off years ago).

gelatodipistacchio · 09/02/2022 14:27

I'm not sure if its CFery, but it's passive aggressive for sure. Really bizarre actually.

Juniper68 · 09/02/2022 14:29

I'd have paid her then fucked her off

ivykaty44 · 09/02/2022 14:29

You’re the cheeky fucker and she caught you 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

Innocenta · 09/02/2022 14:40

It's so petty and weird to link it to your wedding. That just seems really mean-spirited to me.

ouch321 · 09/02/2022 14:41

Stop blaming her for your mistake.

You "forgot" you owed her the money.

She was too polite to nag you for it but this has now corrected the situation.

If I were you I'd be embarrassed and not trying to get randoms on the internet to slate her.

Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 14:45

I’ve checked my bank statement more closely and I have a transaction for £136 for a restaurant the day of the concert, so I do now wonder if I paid her by paying for dinners instead of an actual transfer. If that is indeed the case, then I feel less guilty and really very disappointed actually.

OP posts:
Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 14:46

@ouch321 What do you mean by “forgot”? What are you implying?

OP posts:
Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 14:46

@ivykaty44 Caught me with what?

OP posts:
mistermagpie · 09/02/2022 14:47

@ouch321

Stop blaming her for your mistake.

You "forgot" you owed her the money.

She was too polite to nag you for it but this has now corrected the situation.

If I were you I'd be embarrassed and not trying to get randoms on the internet to slate her.

The friend may technically be in the right but what she has done is not polite.

OP now you have paid her has she said anything back?

Mollysocks · 09/02/2022 14:48

If she knew, which she clearly did to bring it up, why hasn’t she mentioned it all these years? She must have remembered, stewed on it and not told you and kept it to bring up about the wedding present. Bonkers!

At least you’ve saved some money OP. You already owed her that money, you’ve just avoided also buying a wedding gift!