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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: Catering nightmare

207 replies

Pluvia · 08/02/2022 21:50

A friend who is manager of a small charity has been awarded a grant which she's using for a two-day training break for workers and volunteers. They'll be staying in a large private house. Another volunteer had offered to organise the food and cook the evening meal and manage the kitchen during the training but has dropped out. I'm a good cook and I've catered for something similar in the past, so my friend asked me if I would take the work on. I said yes without much thought.

It's become a bit of a nightmare. My friend said that the meat-eaters would be happy to go veggie for a couple of days so I emailed all involved with a proposed menu and a couple of alternatives. The usual choice of veggie lasagnes, bolognese, Mexican, a Mac and cauliflower cheese. I proposed various breakfast and lunch options too.

There are 14-18 people to cater for and I've been inundated with feedback. Several of them want a low-carb option for each meal. There are three gluten-intolerant. One of the vegetarians can't eat Quorn, someone else can't take soya and a number have said 'no lentils or pulses.' There are people who can't eat anything spicy, a woman who is dangerously allergic to tomatoes, another who can't eat onions or garlic. Even the muesli is contentious: someone's replied saying she doesn't like nuts in muesli. I've been asked to assure one of them that all produce will be organic where possible. Someone else wants spelt bread. One person wants a specific brand of oat milk (can't drink anything else). I could go on and on.

The budget for all this is quite tight. I've got £8 pppd, which sounds okay but of course I have to buy extra in case everyone wants cooked veggie breakfasts both days and that also includes drinks. I can't afford to go all-organic. Nor can I work out how to offer a low-carb veggie/ vegan menu.

I told my friend, the manager, that this was all getting out of hand and she said that I should just do what I can and to those with allergies and dietary requirement I couldn't cater for would need to bring their own food. I called the woman with the tomato allergy to ask her if she could bring her own food for each evening meal to be on the safe side and she was quite shirty with me and pointed out that this was supposed to be a fully-catered event.

This is beginning to feel like a huge ask. It's going to take days of planning to ensure everyone is catered for. I'm going to have to buy a lot more stuff to cover more different meals. AIBU to back out now on the basis that this wasn't the relatively simple job it seemed to be, and that I'm doomed to disappoint/ fail? Or am I over-thinking it? Are there workarounds?

OP posts:
Blahblahblah40 · 09/02/2022 09:39

@Pluvia

Yes, I'd planned soup, bread, cheese-type lunches with flapjack/ cake/ fruit to finish. That was before everyone got fussy. Baked potatoes for lunch on day two, perhaps. Obviously not for the low carbers... Thank you for the yoghurt tip.

It never used to be so difficult, did it? Loads of weekend parties and holidays where it was just a big pan of chilli or curry and everyone tucked in. I'm going to bed, had enough of it.

I may be able to push the budget up to a tenner a head. The previous volunteer had said she could do it for £8 and so it was assumed I could too.

Baked sweet potatoes aren’t carb free but are a lower carb alternative. They’re lovely baked in the oven for a lunch.
TakeYourFinalPosition · 09/02/2022 09:41

Honestly I’d back right out of this, it’s a liability nightmare. I know you want to help your friend, but I doubt they’d be offering to settle your legal bills if it came to it…

Also, is mac and cheese a regional thing? I’ve never been served it. It wouldn’t be something I’d eat - even in vegan form - but I’ve never been served it or seen it on a menu. A quick poll of my work Slack has suggested only a few people I work with ever have, and it’s not a popular dish…

(We’d obviously cater for ourselves and not make a fuss; we’re not knobs, but I was surprised to see it mentioned!)

TigerLilyTail · 09/02/2022 09:46

She'd be better doing a day event and paying for a proper lunch at a restaurant for everyone.

Pluvia · 09/02/2022 09:46

Macaroni cheese (mac and cheese) is everybloodywhere. Perhaps you're not in the UK?

OP posts:
hugr · 09/02/2022 09:47

@Blahblahblah40
Sweet potato and potato have the same amount of carbs

AutomaticMoon · 09/02/2022 09:49

@mowly77

Excel spreadsheet? Honestly that sounds like a huge confusing nightmare!

Low-carb is easy - they don't eat the bread and pasta.

Can you do some sort of salad bar/buffet? So those who don't want lentils or pulses (weird, I'm veggie, lentils and pulses are life giving proteins) can avoid that dish; but there are other salads and a hot meal too. The fussy eaters can just avoid the spicy/ carbs/ whatever.

Or just sack it off.

One word re: pulses and lentils (legumes) - Lectins.

Most plants have self defences, ant-nutrients that some people are allergic to. Also plant proteins are not as bioavailable for some people as animal proteins. Most iron containing plants also have calcium, which blocks iron absorption. Plant defences are no joke (apparently only for some) 😖

BarbaraofSeville · 09/02/2022 09:51

@Pluvia

Macaroni cheese (mac and cheese) is everybloodywhere. Perhaps you're not in the UK?
Indeed. It's as old as the hills in Scotland and was around when I was at primary school in the 1970s/1980s in northern England. It's also popular in the US and is now seeing a bit of a revival in gourmet/hipster/street food truck and also one of the vegetarian options in pubs etc.
AutomaticMoon · 09/02/2022 09:51

Sweet potatoes are better than normal potatoes (I bloody love both!) because they’re not a nightshade.

Yoyokitten · 09/02/2022 09:53

Honestly Pluvia, having now read all your updates I would definately pull out. Are you expected to do all the work and wash and clear up too, as well as menu plan and cook.You will be exhausted
It's too much for one person. I too have done an advanced hygiene course, which is scary in itself, and was led to believe that the individual cook could be sued if things went badly wrong.
You sound a very kind and helpful person.

Xiaoxiong · 09/02/2022 09:55

@TakeYourFinalPosition you've never been served macaroni cheese. you wouldn't eat it and it's not a popular dish?? Pull the other one Grin (assuming you're in the UK!)

AutomaticMoon · 09/02/2022 09:56

@BarbaraofSeville

Mac and cheese was big in communist Transylvania, my grandmother made it but it was just cheese stirred with pasta, not a sauce. I used to sleep-walk and eat the leftovers. Why can’t carbs be healthy, damn it 😭

I’m moving to Scotland from England so I hope for lots of mac and cheese and other tasty things 🤤

billy1966 · 09/02/2022 09:57

@Kite22

Your mistake was in asking them what they wanted. If it was a hotel, they'd just have to eat what was available.

This ^

15 years ago I would have happily catered for a group for a weekend. I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole now.

Absolutely this.

Some people believe having food preferences is an entitlement and they have to be catered for, not allergies, just preferences.

Absolutely painful to be around.

Have you sent out the list that you have received to your friend?

£8 for that is having a laugh.

You will learn a hard lesson from this.

Keep it as simple as possible.

Providing a hot breakfast is a nightmare the best of times for more than 6.

Good luck.

SpaceDetective · 09/02/2022 09:59

I've never been served macaroni cheese either, I wouldn't say it's hugely popular. Doesn't strike me as a great mass catering dish, does it not congeal?

CraftyGin · 09/02/2022 10:02

Have you seen the kitchen that you will be working in? This might influence some of your choices.

KeepYaHeadUp · 09/02/2022 10:03

I wonder why the person catering pulled out!

Mumofsend · 09/02/2022 10:05

Not a chance would I do this, wouldn't want it on my conscience if something goes wrong

Maestrog · 09/02/2022 10:13

wow you are very, very nice.

Count up all the individual requests. If one person says no dairy, spice or rhubarb then that's 3, not 1. Then I think your friend should send an email round saying "we have received 47 different food requests. Our lovely volunteer chef is working single handed and she simply can't meet all 47 requests for every single meal. She's devised this menu to suit most people's needs and preferences. Please bear with us, feel free to bring your own supplies if you need to supplement. If you see the chef, please do take a moment to thank her for all her hard work". This is not just for you, but to reframe it in their heads too.

Personally I think your friend is wrong to say meat eaters would be happy to go veggie. Feeding meat to meat eaters is an easy, quick and fairly cheap way to keep them happy and sated. I would let things like the spice and toms go and do chilli and rice or baked potatoes (which you can make GF if you're careful with stock cubes), with a vegan alternative and cheese on the side.

If you're doing bread, just supply something else like rice cakes for GFs or ask them to bring their own carbs. GF bread is expensive and nasty, GF crackers will break your budget. Obviously it is not your job to supply a specific brand of oat milk (and if it's Oatly Barista it's not cheap).

Crumbleburntbits · 09/02/2022 10:13

@Pluvia I’m another one saying you should back out of this. If anyone becomes unwell as a result of your catering you could be in a lot of trouble.

The people you would be cooking for sound an absolute nightmare with their umpteen dietary requests. I suspect even if you had a whole catering team to help you and double the budget it would still be a very difficult job to do. Sometimes it’s ok to say sorry I can’t help you because you’re asking for something impossible.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 09/02/2022 10:25

The people you would be cooking for sound an absolute nightmare with their umpteen dietary requests.

And this^ The fact that a woman got shirty with you when you are giving up your time and doing this for free tells you exactly what kind of people you are dealing with. (Personally I'd have got shirty back but the older I get the less fucks I give.)

ODFOx · 09/02/2022 10:26

How many are actually vegetarian or vegan?
You may find it easier to do a simple meat meal and a vegetarian one and then cater for the real allergies separately.

Chips and coleslaw (make it yourself without onion) with corn on the cob and a green salad can go with plain roast chicken portions or cauliflower bites or vegan sausages ( no Quorn).

Vegetable lasagne (no onion or garlic) = lasagne for most, the vegetable filling without pasta with courgetti for the low carbers/gluten free/ vegans, carbonara for the tomato allergy person.
With bread/gluten free bread on the side

It is definitely doable, but they need to know that you are a volunteer too and that while you will make every effort to avoid cross contamination, this cannot be guaranteed.

user094746788 · 09/02/2022 10:28

I've worked in catering. At £8 a head, I wouldn't touch this. It's also a lesson in why so many wedding menus consist of a bland chicken breast with veg.

Probably worth knowing though that the Quorn allergy is a legitimate thing - it's made from mycoprotein and there's a warning on the back of the packs. Plenty of other fake meat brands don't have this issue though.

You need to think about hidden allergens too - for the Mac and cheese it's not good swapping the pasta for a gluten free version if you use normal flour to make the cheese sauce.

RB68 · 09/02/2022 10:32

for low carb brekkie just have boiled eggs, plain yog and fruit and you can work with that.

I think the pick and mix is the way forward - always have a good salad with tommies on the side and no spring onion or garlic dressing (dressings on the side).

Remember low carb isn't no carb. Good veg selection and soups for lunch from left overs etc

godmum56 · 09/02/2022 10:35

If I was the organiser, I'd say to the attenders that because of their multiple and clashing needs and the risk of cross contamination in food prep/serving, catering has proved to be impossible....so each attender will be given £8 per day to sort their own food.

Pluvia · 09/02/2022 10:39

I would let things like the spice and toms go and do chilli and rice or baked potatoes (which you can make GF if you're careful with stock cubes), with a vegan alternative and cheese on the side.

I'm taking a quick peek in here every now and then. This just jumped out at me. I know everyone means well but how can you tell me to let spice and tomatoes go and then tell me to make a chilli? Chilli is tomatoes and spice and the tomatoes could put one of the participants in hospital. And I do love the quick 'and a vegan alternative', as if that's just three minutes' work. Sorry to pick on you, Maestrog, particularly as you're a fellow Welshie, but honestly...

Sorry to be tetchy, it's the regular dire warnings about being sued if anyone feels unwell after eating my food and the insistence that I'm some sort of spineless people pleaser to have found myself here in the first place that have irritated.

OP posts:
PeakyBlender · 09/02/2022 10:40

Pull out asap. She needs to get a proper caterer with insurance.

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