AIBU to feel overwhelmed by non-binary, cancel culture, and woke society?

[FordSiesta]

I've got to the stage where I feel quite apprehensive about the future. It just feels like there will be no 'men' or 'women' or 'boys' and 'girls' and everyone will need to conform to various gender identities and have to remember all the different ways people identify so as not to accidently offend anyone. I'm supportive of transgender people and understand people changing from male to female or vice versa but now there's all this non-binary stuff it's getting confusing.

All these things going on in this 'woke society' and if you aren't seen as wanting to conform with all this new stuff then the 'cancel culture' comes at you.

I just feel like I would be happy if there wasn't so much pressure placed on people to get pronouns correct if for millions of years we've used he/him and she/her and now we need to say they/them when we were taught in school they/them was plural.

I don't have kids yet but I do wonder if I did what the world would be like for them growing up.

AIBU for wanting to just continue with two genders?

You can monitor his Internet access so that he doesn't come across batshit stuff on Tiktok.

Unfortunately the likelihood is that another kid who has stupid parents will show him the batshit stuff on his phone at break time.

You can't stop him from seeing the batshit stuff so you need to teach him critical thinking skills instead.

Obviously the ones who accept their homosexuality don't
But quite a lot of "transgender" young people are actually just gay and they do unnecessarily chop off body parts and take cross sex hormones.

That's why watch and wait is a better approach than affirmation.

Somebody in my family has just told us they are non-binary. I'm absolutely fine with it, except as somebody who hates bad grammar, I can't make myself say "they" when referring to him, and I've explained and apologised, so he knows I'm not meaning to disrespect him , his choices, or lifestyle.

@user1471443411

Where I am confused is the 'non-binary' label. I thought it referred to people who didn't want their sex to be too apparent, so dressing androynously, women with short hair, men with long hair and make up (but not dresses) etc. However, I've seen the term used on mn and other places to refer to trans people as well, ie people going on cross sex hormones, puberty blockers and females having mastectomies. In real life, I don't come across it much as I live in a very unwoke place.

In my experience it's just attention seeking. I know someone (early 20s and quite immature) who is biologically female, has long hair, wears women's clothes, makeup etc. Basically just what you'd expect from an average woman. She insists she's non binary and has now started calling herself trans despite changing nothing. I actually think it is insulting to actual trans people as I imagine their lives are difficult and it undermines their struggles.

I was feeling overwhelmed (particularly as I have ADHD and say random shit all the time without thinking and I can't remember to go to the toilet if I need to, let alone what gender someone is identifying as that hour) but I've moved past that to "this is ridiculous, I can no longer be bothered to worry about whatever random thing people may be offended by". And I include in that all sorts of woke culture BS not just gender identity politics although that is the worst and most ridiculous of them all.

I am just going to be happy knowing I am a reasonable liberal kind person and my intentions are generally good, and if that isn't enough for some people that's their lookout.

I also LOVE dark and probably "offensive to some people" humour. My life is quite hard with ND and chronic illness and that shit gets me through my day. Woke culture seems very humourless and serious to me and I'm not sure why anyone would want to (or how they can!) live like that. You can drag my dark and offensive SOH out of my cold dying hands. I am not giving that up for anyone.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

When there is a really serious national emergency like a war or mass flooding and starvation people will forget all of this crap. There are no "them/theys" in Afghanistan, Syria, Darfur. They are too busy starving to death or being murdered and watching their children die. All this gender nonsense is a privilege or rich white countries with nothing else to think about.

So true.

I said during a discussion with my DH and DF that if there was some sort of apocalyptic event and we all had to focus on survival gender would cease to be an issue.

In my experience it's just attention seeking. I know someone (early 20s and quite immature) who is biologically female, has long hair, wears women's clothes, makeup etc. Basically just what you'd expect from an average woman. She insists she's non binary and has now started calling herself trans despite changing nothing. I actually think it is insulting to actual trans people as I imagine their lives are difficult and it undermines their struggles.

Laurie Penny does this.

Describes herself as a "queer author", despite being in a heterosexual marriage. Writes a book about feminism, despite being in denial about what a woman is and not wanting to describe herself as one because it doesn't match her "lived experience". Moans on Twitter when her book is universally panned by actual feminists (including a prominent lesbian).

She's 35 though, FFS.

As for cancel culture, if you say something people don’t like, they stop listening to you. Isn’t that how it’s been forever?

No, we used to have a thing called rational debate. Now if you disagree or have a different opinion you just get shut down.

I don't disagree with you OP, however it's the shrill minority that are getting their voices heard at the moment unfortunately. Hopefully it's a phase and they'll move on to the next "thing".

I said during a discussion with my DH and DF that if there was some sort of apocalyptic event and we all had to focus on survival gender would cease to be an issue
Yes, because if an apocalyse happened, trans people would just pop out of existence
WTF

Yes, because if an apocalyse happened, trans people would just pop out of existence hmm
WTF

On a fairly serious note, they wouldn't be able to get their cross sex hormones or any urgent medical treatment they need for complications arising from their entirely unnecessary surgery.

@babyjellyfish

Yes, because if an apocalyse happened, trans people would just pop out of existence hmm WTF

On a fairly serious note, they wouldn't be able to get their cross sex hormones or any urgent medical treatment they need for complications arising from their entirely unnecessary surgery.

Just because they wouldn't have access to their medication, doesn't mean they would stop existing.

@EeeICouldRipATissue

I said during a discussion with my DH and DF that if there was some sort of apocalyptic event and we all had to focus on survival gender would cease to be an issue Yes, because if an apocalyse happened, trans people would just pop out of existence WTF

Those with gender dysphoria will still be there but the attention-seeking drama queen's and angsty teenagers will forget all about it, as they have something more important to worry about (basic survival).

On a fairly serious note, they wouldn't be able to get their cross sex hormones or any urgent medical treatment they need for complications arising from their entirely unnecessary surgery.
So they'd be forced to detransition, to go back in the closet?
How is that ceasing to be an issue?
It'd still be very much so an issue?
Unless not being an issue means that there's no visible trans people about so there you go, not an issue anymore

@EeeICouldRipATissue

I said during a discussion with my DH and DF that if there was some sort of apocalyptic event and we all had to focus on survival gender would cease to be an issue Yes, because if an apocalyse happened, trans people would just pop out of existence WTF

No, they would still have their feelings (feelings which I am imagine are very difficult to live with) but people wouldn't be obsessing over clothes/makeup/pronouns etc. Personal grooming wouldn't be priority. Everything would be a lot more primal is what I meant.

Those with gender dysphoria will still be there but the attention-seeking drama queen's and angsty teenagers will forget all about it, as they have something more important to worry about (basic survival).

Yes exactly.

As a parent of a gay son, a heterosexual daughter, and a non binary pansexual person, personally I find it enlightened that young people have a safe space, and language to explain how they feel, and what they are. Do I think it's trendy at times, yes,but I would much rather people had the option to be queer, assexual,nonbinary or whatever than be persecuted for who they are. And the trans community are our allies, not our enemies!

Being expected to use ‘they’ annoys me as it’s grammatically incorrect and suggests plural, which is confusing eg in medical notes.

I remember a patient telling me off for addressing my group of women as ‘ladies’ in a therapy session. She was non binary but on a female ward by choice. Addressing them as ‘people’ sounded cold and a bit disrespectful compared to ladies.

@EeeICouldRipATissue

I said during a discussion with my DH and DF that if there was some sort of apocalyptic event and we all had to focus on survival gender would cease to be an issue Yes, because if an apocalyse happened, trans people would just pop out of existence WTF

It's a first world problem, @EeeICouldRipATissue . It's a 'problem' of privilege, not a need. Wanting to be known as catgender or He/Them Her/Him and force your way into women's safe spaces as a male intimidation tactic is a first world male 'problem'. If only the women in Afghanistan could 'self ID' out of their situation, don't you think they would?

@NannyOggsWhiskyStash

As a parent of a gay son, a heterosexual daughter, and a non binary pansexual person, personally I find it enlightened that young people have a safe space, and language to explain how they feel, and what they are. Do I think it's trendy at times, yes,but I would much rather people had the option to be queer, assexual,nonbinary or whatever than be persecuted for who they are. And the trans community are our allies, not our enemies!

@NannyOggsWhiskyStash Actually unless you've just arrived on earth yesterday, you would know the trans community at least the militant TRAs and MRAs are an enemy to women. Have you not read about the erasure of women's spaces, facilities, women's shelters? All because of trans issues. They have never been an ally to women.

I think maybe some who don’t see this as a real problem for everyday life are looking at things from a UK perspective - where it really IS a problem. But look across the pond to certain US states or Canada, where self-ID is now law. This is one of the main aims of lobbying groups. And the way this agenda is being pushed here, particularly with younger people, is really insidious.

And those worried about hormones, surgery etc - again, it might not seem quite as bad in the UK. It might seem as if there are protections in place for the younger generation. But the lobbying groups won’t stop trying to change this.

Look across the pond for one example of how dangerously gross this is. Check out a woman nicknamed “Dr Teetus Deletus” as an example of how merrily they are altering the lives of many. Their posts on SM, and the flippant terminology used, is something of an eye-opener. I would imagine that this agenda also makes their bank balance an eye-opener too.

OP - you are not BU to feel confused and concerned. Ultimately there are two sexes - male or female and any saying otherwise is... well it's lying isn't it?? Of course people can be who they want to be, love who they want to love and wear what they want to wear but you are either biologically a male or biologically a female and we have to recognise that (before anyone yells at me, I know that there a very, very small % of people born intersex, but for this purpose I'm not referring to them, I'm talking about the 99% majority of the population) I find the current trend for blindly affirming the fantasies of people who wish to be the other sex very worrying. It's the Emperor's new clothes.

Agree. totally with o p it's all absolute rubbish,

@NannyOggsWhiskyStash

As a parent of a gay son, a heterosexual daughter, and a non binary pansexual person, personally I find it enlightened that young people have a safe space, and language to explain how they feel, and what they are. Do I think it's trendy at times, yes,but I would much rather people had the option to be queer, assexual,nonbinary or whatever than be persecuted for who they are. And the trans community are our allies, not our enemies!

Our of interest How old are they all?

@FanFckingTastic

OP - you are not BU to feel confused and concerned. Ultimately there are two sexes - male or female and any saying otherwise is... well it's lying isn't it?? Of course people can be who they want to be, love who they want to love and wear what they want to wear but you are either biologically a male or biologically a female and we have to recognise that (before anyone yells at me, I know that there a very, very small % of people born intersex, but for this purpose I'm not referring to them, I'm talking about the 99% majority of the population) I find the current trend for blindly affirming the fantasies of people who wish to be the other sex very worrying. It's the Emperor's new clothes.

This Just this

We are allowing the natural dramas and high emotions and confusions of teenage years to become far too mainstream.

its overwhelming if your social media algorithms are showing you this stuff all the time, but if you delete a lot of the pages then you can get it a bit more in perspective