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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset that DH has gone awol on new years eve?

98 replies

puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 16:56

Well all over christmas I have been ill with a viral infection and sickness and have felt completly washed out and generally feeling sick all the time.

DH has been good,sharing the cooking and getting up with the children while I have had a few lie ins and tidying the kitchen most days.
Things that I do everyday normally anyway but he feels like I have been taking the piss.

Anyway today he decides he is walking into town to pay some bills and have a quick pint at the pub ,this was 12.45pm.

4.52pm and he is still not home.
So will imagine by now he is quite drunk and bang goes our new years evening.

We had no plans as such but now am sat here wondering what time and what state he will be in when he fianlly gets in and am feeling sick and anxious worrying how he will be.

Am I unreasonable to expect him to be here on new years eve with his family or as he has been doing most of the work over christmas should I let it go as he deserves it.
He is probably doing this to get back at me.

I asked him how long he would be,he said an hour or 2 .

OP posts:
Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 18:44

I really don't know brusselbeansprouts.

It is getting me down.
First doctor said chicken pox then went back and another doctor said a viral infection and an adverse reaction to something.
Luckly they are not on my face but everywhere else.

Am just pacing up and down most nights and can't settle .
Feel sick,worried and anxious all the time.

Blood tests were normal for blood count,liver qand blood clots as had bruising as well a couple of weeks ago.

Should really go back and see the doctor but am scared.

OP posts:
Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 18:47

newgirl-is par for the course.

Which is why after his blowout a couple of weeks ago when he came home totally trashed he said it would'nt happen again.

So feeling nothing will change in the new year,after all it's only a set of numbers ,so why should it?

OP posts:
dooley1 · 31/12/2007 18:47

what's he up to now? putting kids to bed i hope

Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 21:53

Well it all went from bad to worse.

Just went in to the kitchen to ask if he DH could turn the music down a bit and he shot in the living room slammed my laptop shut and unplugged it and took it upstairs and threw on the bed saying "fuck you"

The children luckly did'nt see this.

He then proceeded to go downstairs and turn the music up louder.

I took the children to bed and came back down and he just started having a go at me.
Telling me I had ruined christmas and new year and had laid in bed for most of it and I was a waste of space.
He then started on about the place being a mess and what he said next I am quite ashamed to write.

With reference to that tragic accident were those people were pot holing he said
"why don't you take up pot holing and find yourself a cave that is likely to flood"

I was so disgusted with him and just felt numb.

He then started grabbing my arms and calling me a bitch and I wanted to get away and I know I should'nt have but slapped him across the head,not too hard.
He then slapped me a lot harder right across the side of my face.
This is the first time he has done this and I sobbed like a baby.
He said I deserved it and if I hit him he was going to hit back.

He then went up to bed shouting good night and stick new year up your arse.

So am sitting here numb wondering what now.
I hate him more for the pot holing comment than the slap across the face as that was a sick thing to say in light of those poor people dying and what sort of person am I married to that could say that?

OP posts:
revgreen · 31/12/2007 21:57
Shock
revgreen · 31/12/2007 21:58

I am absolutly speachless

Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 21:59

revgreen-you and me both,I can't see a way forward after this.

OP posts:
revgreen · 31/12/2007 22:01

What was your relationship like before your illness?

coolkat · 31/12/2007 22:02

Don't know what to say, he should be ashamed. I hope you sort this out and start tomorrow on a fresh note. Alternatively new year new beginnings .

You are worth more than this. Take care. X

Dottydot · 31/12/2007 22:03

Can you go somewhere with the kids tomorrow for the day without him? Round to a friend's house?

You need to try and think about what's happened and what you want to do next. He sounds violent and unpredicatable when he's drunk. Not good for you or your children.

Is it just recently when you've been ill that he's been like this or has it been building up? You say he's never hit you before but does he go out and get drunk and come home in a foul temper usually?

Sorry - sounds awful and you must be in shock. I hope you can try and get some head space to think about what you're going to do.

kindersurprise · 31/12/2007 22:05

So and for you.

How DARE he treat you like that?

He took over the care of the children for a few days while you were ill, so big bloody deal! That is what parenting and being part of a family is about, in sickness and health.

Are you ok? Stupid question, of course you are not.

Emprexia · 31/12/2007 22:05

quite frankly i'd go get the kids and leave right now.

that is just unacceptable.

Emprexia · 31/12/2007 22:07

oh, and BIG hugs for you.. i'm sorry he's being such an ass.

JudgeNutmeg · 31/12/2007 22:09

www.womensaid.org.uk/

These people will be able to help you. Someone could talk to you now.

StudentMadwife · 31/12/2007 22:14

Id go pack a bag for you and your kids and get out. Drunk or not I would not be happy to stay in the same house as someone whos treated me like that. What else is he capable of?

callmeovercautious · 31/12/2007 22:15

I have rewritten this 3 times now!

Take a step back and a deep breath. How do you really feel? If needs be write it down.

He is bed (probably for the night) so look at your life together realistically.

What do you want?
What do you think he wants?

What do you think needs doing about the violence?

I am not commenting from a "flippant" curiosity but as someone who has recently had to make a choice. I stayed and we worked it out but your situation is a bit different so please take your time and think rather than reacting.

I hope your DC are OK and you can sit down and try and chill a bit.

MuthaHubbard · 31/12/2007 22:17

WTF????

StudentMadwife · 31/12/2007 22:18

ditto

Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 22:23

To be honest before I was ill he was like this but no so hurtful and had never hit me.
Must be the stress of spending all week together over christmas.

Have nowhere to go and would'nt want to involve family.

OP posts:
MuthaHubbard · 31/12/2007 22:28

Well, there's space for him under my decking

wessexgirl · 31/12/2007 22:31

Talk to someone on the link JudgeNutmeg gave. Don't make excuses for him - 'the stress of spending all week together' - NO. No matter how stressed dh got, he would NEVER behave that way. This behaviour is unacceptable.

You are unwell, tired and now you are frightened. Please don't just take it. At least talk to a close friend or an organisation like womensaid. You know your dh best, of course, and I hope he will be feeling dreadful in the morning and will genuinely resolve to stop acting like an idiot. But you need plans in place in case he doesn't.

Thinking of you .

Emprexia · 31/12/2007 22:37

Don't say you wouldn't want to involve family, times like this is what they're there for.. to help and support you.

Please give them a call, you shouldn' have to cope with this alone.

Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 22:44

I know I have been a nightmare this christmas and tried my best for the childrens sake.
But can't explain it I just don't feel like myself.
Have been tired constantly and always anxious and jumpy and have no motivation.

I can't seem to sleep at night hence lying in for a bit in the morning,I seemed to be able to get to sleep when it was light.

He has done nearly everything this christmas and I do feel guilty,but he said I had spoilt it for the the children as well and made no effort.
I bought all the presents and orgainisd all the food.

He has never hit me before but when he grabbed my arms tight and was shouting and foaming at the mouth I just wanted to get away.

I had to creep upstairs and get my laptop and he had unplugged the wireless which is in our bedroom so was on my hands and knees trying to plug it bck in in the dark without waking him.
I was scared,god this is my home and I was scared to go and get my laptop and put it back on in case he woke up and saw me.

Thinking back to last year we did'nt get an invite to his parents and his sister and brothers were there same as this year and he was blaming me ofr a crap christmas last year as well.
In fact he took the real christmas tree outside and set light to it in the back garden.
Funny what you remember!!!

OP posts:
Emprexia · 31/12/2007 22:47

You haven't been a nightmare, you've been ill, he's your DH, he's supposed to love you and take care of you, not blame you and then go get drunk just because he's annoyed he's actually had to do some of the childcare.

Don't blame yourself for any of this, it isn't your fault its his

Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 22:48

I only really have my sister and she has so much on her plate and has her children to think of.
I could'nt involve her.

I did onced try and talk to his family who don't live in England and we only see them twice a year but I was so upset on the phone to his mother and when I rang the next day his father answered and he just put the phone down on me.

Never to be mentioned again.

OP posts: