To ask if you judge the parents of overweight children

[PaddleBoardingMomma]

At school pick up today I noticed a new girl in my daughters class was in the line waiting to be collected.

She is a very heavy set little girl, they are all in year 1, so still very young but this particular child looked far bigger and sadly really stood out. I found myself feeling so sad, wondering if she will settle in OK and then irrationally annoyed at her parents for putting her in that position.

I was quite a chubby child for some of my school years and recall the taunts vividly, it made my school experience pretty horrible so I think I have quite a skewed view on this in fairness, it hits a nerve.

I had a word with myself for being judgemental and not knowing the situation and I know it's non of my business, but I wondered if I'm just a horrible person or if anyone else feels a pang of sadness for these kids and (rightly or wrongly) finds themselves blaming/ judging the parents.

@BuddhaForMary

Christ on a bike despite some posters explaining that weight gain in children isn't always down to poor diet and over eating, it's going straight over some of your heads isn't it!

They won't see it any other way, until they themselves experience it, or their kids end up feeling the pressure to remain a healthy weight despite life challenges. Because, according to many here, maintaining a healthy weight is as easy as 'dont eat McDonalds.'

Eating disorders/undereating is also a thing.

That's true @Refrosty and this thread has just given judgemental posters a chance to fake concern whilst fat shaming kids. They're not even interested in the notion that being overweight doesn't always come from overeating.

@BuddhaForMary

Christ on a bike despite some posters explaining that weight gain in children isn't always down to poor diet and over eating, it's going straight over some of your heads isn't it!

But for the majority it is exactly that. There's a lot of denial which doesn't help anyone.

@Gwenhwyfar

"Being slim doesn't automatically equal being healthy

True.

" the same way being overweight doesn't automatically equal being unhealthy."

Not true. It's unhealthy to be overweight.

"It's still a dick move to judge people in general though"

Everybody judges. You are now judging people who judge.

Overweight people are always unhealthy? Always??

What are your markers for health? Blood pressure? Resting heart rate? Cholesterol levels? Respiration rate? They can all be within normal levels for overweight people.

I accept the point about judging people being judgemental (even though I think that sounds a bit playground-esque to be honest). So no, you're right, judge away, just be honest with yourself why you're doing it - it's not because you care about the health of children generally, it's because you have an easily recognisable visual for what 'unhealthy' looks like, and you don't like it.

@KittensTeaAndCake

If i was as angry as some people appear to be by the fact that some people and their DC are overweight, I'd probably want to do some work on myself to discover why it was such a trigger for me, before I deliberately or inadvertently passed my issues around weight onto my own children

It’s a concern for me, the same way it would be if I saw a kid with obviously dirty matted hair, or cuts and bruises, shoes that don’t fit etc etc. It’s neglect and I am concerned for the child to be living like that (medical reason excepted) with the parents doing absolutely nothing to address it. I don’t have any issues around food, thanks.

It's the same as a child being covered in cuts and bruises? Really?? Really really?!?

Wow...I'm not saying that education wouldn't go amiss with some parents, but wow...comparing giving a child a donut with giving them a beating...just when I think I've seen it all...

@BuddhaForMary overeating is more than likely to be the cause of overweight in at least 90% of children. Yes there are other issues that can contribute. With some health issues or medication you may need to adjust food intake to remain a healthy weight. But the majority of fat people eat too much.

But for the majority it is exactly that. There's a lot of denial which doesn't help anyone.

@Lampshading and how is that any of your business or anyone else's business?? It isn't. And faking concern doesn't cover the fat shaming that's gone on on this thread.

@Stumpedasatree and I'll reiterate. How is that any of yours or anyone else's business? It isn't. So who are you to judge?

@BuddhaForMary it is not my business, and I would never outwardly judge. All I am responsible for are my children and raising them the best I can.

@Stumpedasatree and the same here.

But it seems some people on this thread think it's their business to judge whilst knowing absolutely nothing about the families they're judging.

Of course overeating can lead to weight gain, but so can other things. When people blanket judge any child who's overweight, they do so without knowing the situation. It's attitudes like this that get passed on to their children and then we wonder why overweight children get bullied in school.

@BuddhaForMary

But for the majority it is exactly that. There's a lot of denial which doesn't help anyone.

@Lampshading and how is that any of your business or anyone else's business?? It isn't. And faking concern doesn't cover the fat shaming that's gone on on this thread.

That's the sad thing, because it's always no one else's business children are left to it.

I agree with that and this notion of overweight DC not being bullied at school due to every kid being overweight is simply not true. At secondary school my eldest tells me that the kids who are overweight always get some nickname associated with it. He goes to a fairly middle class state school and I have found the other extreme of incredibly thin girls. It starts at primary school here and I'd largely say there are some very unhealthy attitudes peddled by parents particularly the Mum's that the girls parrot and it is worrying. My year 6 girl is only 20 percentile but when they got weighed in school the girls were particularly competitive about it all asking for each other's stats. I've had to detach my DD from.one friend a bit as her Mum is like this and very judgemental on kids that aren't skinny let alone that are overweight.

I don't think it is fat shaming children that is going on here but judging parents who allow their kids become overweight by eating shite.

Not judging kids who have medical conditions. Not judging kids who are overweight but judging parents who feed their kids crap which in turn, makes a child overweight. Therein lies the difference. It is NOT the child's fault. Again, the absolute DENIAL going on here is unreal and THIS is why we have so many overweight kids.....parents are in fucking DENIAL! It IS abuse to let a kid get to that size from overeating same as it would be to restrict food.

Not my fault!
He won't eat anything else
She is big boned.
He won't eat anything else.
He raids the cupboards when we are in bed.
His Dad is big.
We all eat like that in this house.

Half the time the parents don't address it because it means they will have to change their OWN eating habits...and they don't want to.

Medical issues, SEN etc are different scenarios but THE VAST MAJORITY of overweight kids are that way because they are fed crap. END of.

@Satingreenshutters

I don't think it is fat shaming children that is going on here but judging parents who allow their kids become overweight by eating shite.

Not judging kids who have medical conditions. Not judging kids who are overweight but judging parents who feed their kids crap which in turn, makes a child overweight. Therein lies the difference. It is NOT the child's fault. Again, the absolute DENIAL going on here is unreal and THIS is why we have so many overweight kids.....parents are in fucking DENIAL! It IS abuse to let a kid get to that size from overeating same as it would be to restrict food.

Not my fault!
He won't eat anything else
She is big boned.
He won't eat anything else.
He raids the cupboards when we are in bed.
His Dad is big.
We all eat like that in this house.

Half the time the parents don't address it because it means they will have to change their OWN eating habits...and they don't want to.

Medical issues, SEN etc are different scenarios but THE VAST MAJORITY of overweight kids are that way because they are fed crap. END of.

I couldn't agree with this more.

A lot of high emotions on this thread. Weight and food are incredibly personal things and influenced by countless external and internal factors.

I was a normal sized slim healthy kid until the age of 10 and I then suddenly ballooned aand became morbidly obese. I was shamed for it at school but no one bothered to look deeper. The reason I gained weight so suddenly was that my mum had met a man who was abusing me. Food was my self-medication. Later lost it all, now slim and a keen runner. But it took a long time to sort out my relationship with food and weight.

Obese children usually become morbidly obese or supermorbidly obese adults and it is a miserable life, especially at the supermorbid end of the scale. So many other comorbidities creep in and accelerate as life goes on. Children are innocent and don't deserve such a tough start in life. I'm tlaking about extreme childhood obesity here which is becoming more common.

It would be wonderful to think that every very overweight kid has someone looking out for them, scrutinising what else is going on in their life, checking if they are ok. Sadly I guess that is not the case.

I'd largely say there are some very unhealthy attitudes peddled by parents particularly the Mum's that the girls parrot and it is worrying.

X1000

@Refrosty

I'd largely say there are some very unhealthy attitudes peddled by parents particularly the Mum's that the girls parrot and it is worrying.

X1000

Indeed. I do wonder whether the children of some of those posting here will suffer other long term damage as a result of their parent's attitude towards food and weight. Like I said in my post above, I can fix my kids weight in the space of a year. I wonder how long it takes to fix a child who grew up with a parent who is so judgemental about other people's appearance and perceived health?

The judgmental aspect is one that people in the past routinely exercised. It was normal. Being obese is now common, but that does not make it normal, or indeed healthy. Human beings are not designed to carry excess weight.

A few years ago I had a serious back injury after a road accident and went to see a surgeon. In the waiting room all the other people who were there were obese. Their bodies were breaking because of the weight that they carried. It was absolutely grim. They would have surgery to ensure that they did not have crippling pain - pain they could have avoided if they had been a healthy weight.

That is what happens to your body long term if you are obese. It breaks when it does not have to.

Not judging kids who have medical conditions.

But that's my point. You wouldn't KNOW if they had a medical condition.

@BuddhaForMary

Not judging kids who have medical conditions.

But that's my point. You wouldn't KNOW if they had a medical condition.

And MY point is...the VAST majority do not have one! Very very slim minority have a medical issue that will cause obesity....the rest....DIET!

Not judging kids who have medical conditions.

But that's my point. You wouldn't KNOW if they had a medical condition.
This

@Gwenhwyfar

" The person I know who eats the most I've ever seen is a size 4-6"

You're not with her all the time are you?

No not all the time but I've spent significant amount of times with her, been on holiday with her and know others who have done the same. It's not an act of that's what you mean. Her partner will tell you the same

@Rockhopper81

We do not all have cancer cells in our bodies - our bodies are constantly producing new cells, some of which may turn cancerous, but we don't have cancer cells just floating around inside us.

Also, diabetes is not caused by ingesting sugar - there needs to be a genetic predisposition to diabetes, which is then 'activated'; in the case of T2 diabetes, it's often lifestyle and obesity that activates it, but ingesting sugar can't give you diabetes.

But childhood obesity is a grave concern re increasing childhood type 2 diabetes. From the Royal College of Paediatric Health

@pikapikapukachu - but it doesn't change the fact that ingesting sugar doesn't make you diabetic.

And MY point is...the VAST majority do not have one! Very very slim minority have a medical issue that will cause obesity....the rest....DIET!

But you still don't know which is which. So keep your judgement to yourself.