To ask if you judge the parents of overweight children

[PaddleBoardingMomma]

At school pick up today I noticed a new girl in my daughters class was in the line waiting to be collected.

She is a very heavy set little girl, they are all in year 1, so still very young but this particular child looked far bigger and sadly really stood out. I found myself feeling so sad, wondering if she will settle in OK and then irrationally annoyed at her parents for putting her in that position.

I was quite a chubby child for some of my school years and recall the taunts vividly, it made my school experience pretty horrible so I think I have quite a skewed view on this in fairness, it hits a nerve.

I had a word with myself for being judgemental and not knowing the situation and I know it's non of my business, but I wondered if I'm just a horrible person or if anyone else feels a pang of sadness for these kids and (rightly or wrongly) finds themselves blaming/ judging the parents.

@LexMitior

The judgmental aspect is one that people in the past routinely exercised. It was normal. Being obese is now common, but that does not make it normal, or indeed healthy. Human beings are not designed to carry excess weight.

A few years ago I had a serious back injury after a road accident and went to see a surgeon. In the waiting room all the other people who were there were obese. Their bodies were breaking because of the weight that they carried. It was absolutely grim. They would have surgery to ensure that they did not have crippling pain - pain they could have avoided if they had been a healthy weight.

That is what happens to your body long term if you are obese. It breaks when it does not have to.

You know for a fact that all of the other people in the waiting room were there because of issues caused by their weight? Definitely know?? Because when I had knee surgery it was due to damage caused by twisting it standing up, it wasn't caused by my weight, it was an accident and down to physics arguing with my body. But I dare say you would have assumed it was because I'm overweight if you'd seen me in the waiting room.

@BuddhaForMary

And MY point is...the VAST majority do not have one! Very very slim minority have a medical issue that will cause obesity....the rest....DIET!

But you still don't know which is which. So keep your judgement to yourself.

Keep burying your head there Mary and clutching at straws. The proof is in the puddling..if you pardon the pun.

But that's my point. You wouldn't KNOW if they had a medical condition

1 in 6 children in the UK have mental health issues.

1 in 100 have an ASC.

Between 2% and 5% have ADHD.

Around 1 in 11 are asthmatic (some asthma medications can affect weight).

1 in 450 have cancer.

Around 1 in 2000 have a thyroid problem.

Around 29,000 have T1 diabetes.

Around 60,000 are epileptic.

Around 1 in 4000 have Fragile X syndrome.

Around 7-10% have a hypermobility condition.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg without me looking up the stats for every single issue.

Physical, mental, and/or developmental conditions can lead to weight gain or can have factors involved that lead to weight gain (e.g., medication side effects). Obviously not everyone will gain weight but it can increase the likelihood.

These conditions are not as rare or unusual as you'd think, which is what I've posted the list, so when you judge there is a fair chance that you really could be judging a child with a medical condition.

I do. I don't like myself for it. But I do. I was left to eat whatever I wanted as a kid and put on loads of weight. I was miserable but didn't understand at 8 years old why I was bigger than the other kids 🤷🏼‍♀️ my mum just couldn't be arsed.
I know a mum with three overweight children. In every regard, she's a great mum. Except this 🤷🏼‍♀️ and I think it's awful.

"No not all the time but I've spent significant amount of times with her, been on holiday with her and know others who have done the same. It's not an act of that's what you mean. "

I wasn't suggesting she was acting, just that she maybe eats more when she's with people and less when she's alone.

You know for a fact that all of the other people in the waiting room were there because of issues caused by their weight? Definitely know?? Because when I had knee surgery it was due to damage caused by twisting it standing up, it wasn't caused by my weight, it was an accident and down to physics arguing with my body. But I dare say you would have assumed it was because I'm overweight if you'd seen me in the waiting room

This.

And how many of them are experiencing weight gain due to reduced mobility because of their back problems too?

And MY point is...the VAST majority do not have one! Very very slim minority have a medical issue that will cause obesity....the rest....DIET!

I think medical conditions which affect weight are far more prevelant than you realise. ADHD around 5%, autism 3%, thyroid 5%, depression around 4%, then add in all the conditions which get treated with steroids which are too many to list.

Then you get people like my DD who is morbidly obese and has ADHD, autism, hypothyroidism, depression and thrombocytopenia (treated with steroids) and people on this thread look at her and judge her as beneath them. Bullied throughout school, bullied out of jobs, laughed at in the street. She never stood a chance and I'm just glad she doesn't use MN anymore and have to deal with the hatred dripping off this thread.

Cripes some people just won't acknowledge that many children are overweight because of their diet and activity levels. How can we ever hope to address the issues that lead to it happening when people won't even acknowledge it. And although type 2 isn't caused directly by eating sugar being fat increases the chance of developing it fairly substantially; the good news I suppose is that a change in lifestyle can sometimes reverse it.

@BringBackCoffeeCreams

And MY point is...the VAST majority do not have one! Very very slim minority have a medical issue that will cause obesity....the rest....DIET!

I think medical conditions which affect weight are far more prevelant than you realise. ADHD around 5%, autism 3%, thyroid 5%, depression around 4%, then add in all the conditions which get treated with steroids which are too many to list.

Then you get people like my DD who is morbidly obese and has ADHD, autism, hypothyroidism, depression and thrombocytopenia (treated with steroids) and people on this thread look at her and judge her as beneath them. Bullied throughout school, bullied out of jobs, laughed at in the street. She never stood a chance and I'm just glad she doesn't use MN anymore and have to deal with the hatred dripping off this thread.

If 38% of children in year 6 are overweight or obese then those levels you mention are low in relation.

@Rockhopper81 - I don't know if you are obese, you have said here that you are overweight.

However, if you were obese and had required knee surgery due an accident, the excess weight would have likely contributed to the severity of your injury. Being obese would have contributed to the need you had and the degree of pain you felt.

But what is "physics arguing with your body". If you stood up, and were obese, this could have meant the injury was far worse than if you were a healthy weight. Obesity means your body breaks more readily because of the greater weight being carried.

@Hospedia

But that's my point. You wouldn't KNOW if they had a medical condition

1 in 6 children in the UK have mental health issues.

1 in 100 have an ASC.

Between 2% and 5% have ADHD.

Around 1 in 11 are asthmatic (some asthma medications can affect weight).

1 in 450 have cancer.

Around 1 in 2000 have a thyroid problem.

Around 29,000 have T1 diabetes.

Around 60,000 are epileptic.

Around 1 in 4000 have Fragile X syndrome.

Around 7-10% have a hypermobility condition.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg without me looking up the stats for every single issue.

Physical, mental, and/or developmental conditions can lead to weight gain or can have factors involved that lead to weight gain (e.g., medication side effects). Obviously not everyone will gain weight but it can increase the likelihood.

These conditions are not as rare or unusual as you'd think, which is what I've posted the list, so when you judge there is a fair chance that you really could be judging a child with a medical condition.

Not being goady, genuine question. Presumably children in the old days had all these medical conditions too, how come there were hardly any overweight children then?

"Overweight people are always unhealthy? Always??

What are your markers for health? Blood pressure? Resting heart rate? Cholesterol levels? Respiration rate? They can all be within normal levels for overweight people."

A quick google would show you that being overweight, or at least obese, is unhealthy in and of itself.
evidence.nihr.ac.uk/alert/being-overweight-or-obese-is-linked-with-heart-disease-even-without-other-metabolic-risk-factors/

" judge away, just be honest with yourself why you're doing it - it's not because you care about the health of children generally, it's because you have an easily recognisable visual for what 'unhealthy' looks like, and you don't like it."

I think people do care about the health of children generally. Taxpayers are willing to fund free school meals, for example.

@Ozanj

I work in childcare and take notice when a 2-3 year old with short / average sized parents suddenly reaches 90+ centile in height. Height gain is the precurser to weight gain in obesity but parents are usually far too proud of it to take me seriously and then when that child becomes obese at 6-7 it becomes much harder to control.

Ok - every time someone starts with this over-talk thing I ask for a single citation of it as a phenomenon. I have had nothing so far and am of the opinion it’s a Mumsnet urban myth. Anyone??? I’d be genuinely interested if wrong but have been unable to find anything at all…

How can we ever hope to address the issues that lead to it happening when people won't even acknowledge it.

No one is refusing to acknowledge it however a goady thread on MN is not the place for a constructive discussion about it as there are too many people here wanting to stick the boot in, call kids "porkers", recount stories about kids eating massive cakes washed diwn with energy drinks, and various other offensive and unhelpful remarks. All with the caveat if "of course we don't mean kids with medical conditions" alongside statements that basically dismiss most kids with medical conditions so really they do mean those kids too.

It is a complex issue eith no easy fix and it should be addressed on an individual basis with individual families so that their specific circumstances can be taken into account.

@Lampshading

Cripes some people just won't acknowledge that many children are overweight because of their diet and activity levels. How can we ever hope to address the issues that lead to it happening when people won't even acknowledge it. And although type 2 isn't caused directly by eating sugar being fat increases the chance of developing it fairly substantially; the good news I suppose is that a change in lifestyle can sometimes reverse it.

It's unreal...pure and utter denial. VAST VAST VAST MAJORITY OF KIDS WHO ARE OVERWEIGHT ARE FED CRAP...THAT IS ALL!

If 38% of children in year 6 are overweight or obese then those levels you mention are low in relation.

I'll let you into a little secret, there are way more conditions which affect weight than the 4 I listed, they were something called 'examples'.

@Hospedia

You know for a fact that all of the other people in the waiting room were there because of issues caused by their weight? Definitely know?? Because when I had knee surgery it was due to damage caused by twisting it standing up, it wasn't caused by my weight, it was an accident and down to physics arguing with my body. But I dare say you would have assumed it was because I'm overweight if you'd seen me in the waiting room

This.

And how many of them are experiencing weight gain due to reduced mobility because of their back problems too?

You do not "experience weight gain" if you have reduced mobility by itself. I didn't.

However, had I eaten more and not moved during my period of injury, I dare say that I would have put on weight above a healthy level.

I was told to keep moving by my doctors and I did. I assure you it was agony and on some days it still is. However I could see it would much much worse if I were overweight and that was the medical advice I was given, that maintaining a healthy weight would mean fewer problems as I got older.

Looking at the waiting room was a chilling experience because I did not want my body to pack up at a younger and younger age. Its standard advice on the NHS that if you have back problems, managing a healthy weight is a good way to minimise pain.

@BringBackCoffeeCreams

If 38% of children in year 6 are overweight or obese then those levels you mention are low in relation.

I'll let you into a little secret, there are way more conditions which affect weight than the 4 I listed, they were something called 'examples'.

Are you suggesting 38% of children under 11 are on steroids (or other medications which cause weight gain) and/or chronically ill? To give a clue, they aren't.

It's unreal...pure and utter denial. VAST VAST VAST MAJORITY OF KIDS WHO ARE OVERWEIGHT ARE FED CRAP...THAT IS ALL!

It's sad isn't it.

@Longtalljosie I found this article.
I've certainly heard it before (not on MN). I don't think it's an urban myth.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3152584/

@Lampshading

It's unreal...pure and utter denial. VAST VAST VAST MAJORITY OF KIDS WHO ARE OVERWEIGHT ARE FED CRAP...THAT IS ALL!

It's sad isn't it.

Like banging your head off a wall!

What's really sad is that the only purpose this thread serves is to make some people feel smugly superior by painting other parents as failures.

@BringBackCoffeeCreams

What's really sad is that the only purpose this thread serves is to make some people feel smugly superior by painting other parents as failures.

No it isn't, it's largely full of people disputing the truth and coming up with a million excuses rather than acknowledging it's an issue society should be helping with.

Medication for mental illness also causes weight gain.

Poverty itself causes obesity. Not just diet--the chronic stress of poverty affects cortisol and glucose levels. Poor children may not have safe places to play and engage in physical activity. Poor sleep habits lead to weight gain.

So yes someone posted a study upthread that demonstrated the correlation between weight as a child and developing type 2 diabetes--but those studies don't control for other factors. If you start with the assumption that obesity causes diabetes, you prove what you are looking for. The research into social determinants of health is fascinating.

I don't believe that weight has zero effect on health, but there is a massive difference between being slightly overweight and having a BMI of over 50. Yet we lump everyone in together!