To ask if you judge the parents of overweight children

[PaddleBoardingMomma]

At school pick up today I noticed a new girl in my daughters class was in the line waiting to be collected.

She is a very heavy set little girl, they are all in year 1, so still very young but this particular child looked far bigger and sadly really stood out. I found myself feeling so sad, wondering if she will settle in OK and then irrationally annoyed at her parents for putting her in that position.

I was quite a chubby child for some of my school years and recall the taunts vividly, it made my school experience pretty horrible so I think I have quite a skewed view on this in fairness, it hits a nerve.

I had a word with myself for being judgemental and not knowing the situation and I know it's non of my business, but I wondered if I'm just a horrible person or if anyone else feels a pang of sadness for these kids and (rightly or wrongly) finds themselves blaming/ judging the parents.

Unfortunately I do. It's definitely a form of abuse and the parents are setting them up for life with higher chances of health conditions. Not saying children shouldn't have treats etc but they should be given a varied diet. It's really sad and not the child's fault

I do think fatness is now a moral judgement and lots of people have very ugly views about it which wouldn't be tolerated for any other characteristic. The correlation between fatness and poverty is extensive. Shaming or judging doesn't help so why are people doing it? I don't want little kids internalising their bodies are wrong and getting on a self destructive path.

Yes. This thread is really eye opening. I can forsee a world amount of issues that DC of judgemental mothers could end up with. Yes, being obese isn't a good thing, but there is a flip side. Admissions for eating disorders are rising in children (and adults) too. How can people be sure their 'healthy food messaging' to their kids aren't doing some damage, especially when they admit to being judgemental of others parents and their kids?

www.theguardian.com/society/2022/jan/04/nhs-unable-to-treat-every-child-with-eating-disorder-as-cases-soar

@LexMitior

Fat is not like race or any other immutable characteristic protected by law - it is gained or acquired.

You can expect people to judge it because of that alone.

Ridiculous post. Many disabilities are ‘aquired’ - some even via obesity.

Something not being a protected characteristic doesn’t make it fair game.

Absolutely disgusting views - why is the child to be pitied?! Why all the ‘poor child’. Why are you staring at a child and speculating about her weight? What is wrong with you all?

Because the ‘poor child’ would probably not choose to be like that if they had a choice. But they don’t because it’s out of their control.

My body is obese, it can run 15k, it grew and birthed a child. It can lift bags of concrete. People think all fat people are incapable of walking to the fridge and back but there are a great many of us who are able to do quite a lot.
@DollyDingleberry exactly. I walked a Full Marathon last weekend despite being obese. I wasn't the quickest but I wasn't the slowest either.
I also do open water swimming but hey ho.
My dd is similar. More overweight than obese but plays lots of sports and can do moves at a trampoline park that the other girls couldn't.

I think you don't see how fat (or indeed skinny) your DC are. One of my DC went through a chunky stage just before she went through puberty. We only realised how close to the top of the healthy range she was when the DC decided to weigh themselves. We introduced some minor changes (swapped the DC to semi skimmed milk, talked about how many servings of dairy she should have a day to be healthy, bought a trampoline) and her weight corrected itself with time. But I was looking back at photos and was amazed how fat she looked when I couldn't see it at the time. Interestingly I had the opposite with one of my other DC who has always been very slim but in hindsight was bordering underweight at one point. Again, now a healthy weight.

Absolutely disgusting views - why is the child to be pitied?! Why all the ‘poor child’.

Because of the poor health outcomes associated with childhood obesity.

@Tynetime

My body is obese, it can run 15k, it grew and birthed a child. It can lift bags of concrete. People think all fat people are incapable of walking to the fridge and back but there are a great many of us who are able to do quite a lot. *@DollyDingleberry* exactly. I walked a Full Marathon last weekend despite being obese. I wasn't the quickest but I wasn't the slowest either. I also do open water swimming but hey ho. My dd is similar. More overweight than obese but plays lots of sports and can do moves at a trampoline park that the other girls couldn't.

So being overweight is an advantage? I'm confused as to your point on this one.

Being fat doesn’t have to be miserable - I’m sorry you feel that way but it’s unfair to take out your limited view on children

I was a fat child who was sent to weight watchers at 12 and spent my teenage years yo yo dieting and royally fucking up my metabolism

As an adult I eat mainly healthy, excercise for pleasure and have two beautiful babies and a great, happy, joy filled life. I’ve been slim, chubby, obese and back again - it has never affected how happy I am because I have a strong sense of worth and know that I am more than whatever dress size I am in any moment!

The only thing I’m angry about is adults trying to ‘fix’ my childhood chubbiness. It wasn’t the fat that made me miserable, it was feeling as if the adults thought I was somehow lesser because of it.

I hope you are proud of yourself OP for starting such an awful, shaming thread about the ‘poor children’ and their awful parents. God, honestly try looking at your own lives before casting your shame and judgement over other people.

How about we stop judging people for their weight? If you can’t - maybe you should think about therapy to deal with your issues

No, I don't judge, as I try my hardest in life not to be a judgemental prick - some of the people on this thread would do well to attempt it too.

You have no idea what is going on in someone's life, no idea what their medical/financial/mental health background is. Whether people want to admit it or not, being overweight does run in families - larger parents tend to have larger babies/children. 'Unhealthy food' (because no food is truly 'unhealthy', it's about moderation and portion control) is cheaper - and often denser, so more filling - than fresh, 'healthy' food. If you're struggling with mental health difficulties - or your child is - having a meal at all can be difficult or challenging, so you go with what you know will be eaten.

Here's a question to turn it around:

*If you see slim parents with an overweight child, what are you thoughts then?
*
If you automatically assume there's a medical issue - when you believed fat parents having fat children was neglectful and abusive - it says a lot about your approach to safeguarding.

@PaddleBoardingMomma no not an advantage but it doesn't have to restrict you in terms of sports and activities.
My response and the one I was replying to was in response to someone implying that an overweight or obese person can't be proud of what their body can do because they probably have lots of things they can't do which is not necessarily so.

Or more succinctly being fit is an advantage. @PaddleBoardingMomma

@DollyDingleberry

Everyone here has been saying there are many reasons outside of illness that a child might be fat - just that not all of them are because the parents are abusers.

Right. But you're tediously glossing over that the number of reasons is borderline irrelevant, because one reason causes 95% of the overweight population.

No one's applying this thread to the genetic/disability/medical etc, 1000 other reasons that make up in total, the 5% minority.

The. Exceptions. Do. Not. Make. The. Rule.

@azimuth299

Absolutely disgusting views - why is the child to be pitied?! Why all the ‘poor child’.

Because of the poor health outcomes associated with childhood obesity.

you should do some more research on that, because what we're all told about the consequences of obesity may not be so simple once you control for all the factors.

What I've come to realise is that all this horror isn't about caring for other people's children. As well as moral judgment t's about wanting to believe you have control of the situation. You want to believe that if you just do things "right" that you & your kids will be fine. It's really about the fear that you could be fat too.

That's why someone is horrified I'm not fussed about my kids' weight--and why they assume it's about whether I've made them fat or not. I also know thin people and families with absolutely horrible diets if we focus on traditional measures of dietary quality.

@DollyDingleberry I am sceptical of some of the claims made by high fat diets also, but I tend towards the thinking that there's far more that we don't know, and there's never going to be an optimal diet.

@Benjispruce5

Yes I do. It’s neglect of the child’s health and well-being.

So I could quote lots of posts but this sums it up! I have never neglected DD's health or well being - she is loved and popular and clever, she's represented her county at one sport and consistently won trophies at another. Yet you lot would look at her out with her friends and judge her. She eats what her brothers eat, they're thin and she's not. You work it out and tell me the magic answer because I haven't got it!!

I went to school with a girl who was twice the size of all of her classmates. Her mum tried various diets, she ate healthily and she was really active. Her brother was a skinny little ring and both parents were very slim and fit. There was nothing the did wrong and that girl is still overweight now but her children abs husband are slim 🤷🏻‍♀️

There's a girl in my dds school is very obese. When they did the measurements and weight for the dc. School have tried to address it with dm put her on an active course to keep active. The little girl is in Year 5 now would have numberous meals and takeaways, it's difficult when they reach a point to try and change habits and lose the weight.

No one's applying this thread to the genetic/disability/medical etc, 1000 other reasons that make up in total, the 5% minority.

How about autistic children who have eating disorders related to it? How would you know? Many on here would just judge straight away. Same with medical conditions which aren't always obvious.

Fat kids are fat because they're eating too much & being given portions which are too large.

It's down to the parents. All the fat kids at school have fat parents.

@Susiesue61 because she needs a different amount of calories to maintain her body weight? Boys do have a higher metabolism than girls and there are individual differences also.

@Tynetime

No one's applying this thread to the genetic/disability/medical etc, 1000 other reasons that make up in total, the 5% minority.

How about autistic children who have eating disorders related to it? How would you know? Many on here would just judge straight away. Same with medical conditions which aren't always obvious.

Please go back and read the thread where this has already been addressed

As well as moral judgment t's about wanting to believe you have control of the situation.

When it comes to what your small children eat, you DO have control of the situation.

"
Right. But you're tediously glossing over that the number of reasons is borderline irrelevant, because one reason causes 95% of the overweight population.
No one's applying this thread to the genetic/disability/medical etc, 1000 other reasons that make up in total, the 5% minority.

The. Exceptions. Do. Not. Make. The. Rule."

So there's a lot of assumptions packed into this: that it's all about the input/output equation, and that we control both halves of it through consumption and exercise. I'll ignore the statistics as they're purely made up.

Metabolism is a dynamic equation. Our expenditure isn't just dependent on how much exercise we do. Our bodies will actually adapt our metabolic rate. Our consumption is partly under our control (I decide if I'm going to put butter on my toast or not) but is influenced by multiple environmental factors, plus the hormones that determine hunger and satiety. One reason that bariatric surgery is effective isn't just that it shrinks your stomach; your hormone levels change. People report their taste buds changing, too.

@knitnerd90 what research is showing childhood obesity doesn't have an adverse impact on health?

@azimuth299

As well as moral judgment t's about wanting to believe you have control of the situation.

When it comes to what your small children eat, you DO have control of the situation.

Really? You control every meal your children eat? They don't get school dinners, food from grandparents? They never take anything out of the cupboards? I have teenagers at this point; they know how to cook.

I control what's served at dinner. I don't control every bite that goes into my children's mouths.