Anyone else have an aversion to corporate bollock speak?

[LindaLaHugh]

I say aversion - deep hatred would be more accurate. It gives me The Rage
You know the type of thing " deep dive" " I'll take that away to action it" " even " going forward" makes me a bit stabby

I used "lean in" last week. Internally cringed at myself but just had to keep going....

So, there's such a lot to unpack here - I suggest we park it for now to revisit later in the breakout spaces. But there's a lot we'll action moving forward, once we've drilled down on our SMART targets.

No, YANBU

"Teamwork makes the dream work"
Usually used to guilt someone into staying late, working at the weekend etc.
Yuk!

@LindaLaHugh

As a former colleague of mine once said " there's no I in team, but there's a u in cunt "

TLDR (sorry)

did proactive make the list?

Someone asked wtaf "Blue sky thinking" means.... I work in software and service design and have used it regularly with the following explanation>
Eg designing new process flow and software.... "Think of what would be the easiest/most logical way to achieve this? And now try to think about additional small things that would make it more fun, quicker, even more logical, make life easier for others down or up the chain. What you will describe is the Blue sky we aim to reach."

Reality of software design: murky grey is what we get. Sometimes we get a sunny day, but mostly greys. :(

Hell yes. I'm a copy writer and it seriously makes me question my will to take on certain projects. Just. Shut. Up.

@Wrongkindofovercoat

My DH invented a new non-sensical phrase, just to see what would happen. He later saw it used in a presentation

DH and a colleague used to do this to see how far it travelled. Maybe we could come up with some ? Seed the clouds ?

My DH has also been doing this for years to see how far he can get the bullshit to spread. I recommend watching Drop the Dead Donkey for some amazing Gus- speak too

Retch out!

It's not just corporates that have speak, we have mostly ex council/NHS of gov. quango people on our parish Council. We all have to ensure that the community take 'ownership' of everything we agree on and they won't make a decision without going to consultation. God forbid anyone suggesting anything be run by a private individual better or cheaper - no-one must ever make a profit from anything you see! There are loads of phrases they use, can't think of them all right now but suffice to say they just go round in circles.

This shit used to drive me crazy. I had a useless boss who used it all the time, sure he thought it made him more intelligent. Worst phrases he constantly used were ‘golden thread’ as in going through the company and a project had to ‘wash it’s face’.
I used to drop it in conversation to impress him, he was real stupid

I'm amazed no one has mentioned Agile bullshit speak yet. I don't work in a team or a department any more, I work in a squad which is part of a tribe. And I go to ceremonies instead of meetings. A tiny little bit of me dies every day.

The worst are people who use 'myself' to sound important.

Please forward it to XX and myself.

No.

Do you work for the satanists?

Oh we got a squadded last week! What a fucking joke. It's a cross functional working group. But hey I suppose squad is easier to say?

Ah no bang for your buck comes from buying services from a prostitute. Not a nice phrase at all

Thanks for Reaching Out- er thanks for calling?

I hate it.
Public services like NHS management and council officers have their own versions. Also ridiculous acronyms and abbreviations
designed to exclude anyone who doesn't understand.
I used to ask people what they meant in meetings and sometimes someone was embarrassed because they didn't know themselves or half of the room would then say " yeah, what's that?"

+1 on all of these. That’s a phrase that is used all the time at my new job. People don’t say “I agree” or “me too”, they say “plus one on that!” What the actual.

Another gem I read in an email once was someone saying “let’s parallel path on that”, meaning, I assume, “let’s come to an agreement”. Bloody Americans.

@NoToLandfill

Oh we got a squadded last week! What a fucking joke. It's a cross functional working group. But hey I suppose squad is easier to say?

So is team.... Just saying!

I work in comms. I don't know where this bollocks starts but it isn't usually comms from what I've seen.
Particularly memorable to me:
Are you on the bus or off the bus? (Eh,
I think I've crashed)
'On rope' was one I flat out refused to use to describe a strong team dynamic. Said we'd be laughed at or worse.
Climbing the ladder together
Let's solution that...
Circle back
SOAP - summary on a page
Narrative is rapidly being overused to become totally meaningless shite
EOD end of day - your end or mine? When I want to leave or when I finish the work?

The only acceptable ones in my view are WTF and FRO, probably best not used in the workplace.

I had a new boss once who said to me in our first 1-2-1, 'we'd better socialise that PDQ if we're going to GSD'.
When I didn't move, take notes or respond he explained:
PDQ= pretty damn quick
GSD= get shit done.

Absolute bellend.

Thankfully he didnt like the the corporate culture and fucked off PDQ.

I was so perturbed by him and his bullshit I told my colleagues and we started using it as a joke in our team meetings. Started a new role recently and said 'GSD' in a meeting in all seriousness.

Twat.

Haven't read the full thread because

I work smart not hard. Going forward, let's take this offline.

@FootballFacedOrang

I was once in a meeting in an absolute hell hole of a workplace where everyone was called together by the CEO to help name the big fancy new 'client relationship and participation software' she'd been working on for aaaaages (while ignoring all the things that actually needed to be addressed in the place).

She suggested loads of stupid acronyms and such, until my diamond of a colleague stuck her hand up and said with outstanding deadpan delivery: "CRAPS?".

God I loved her in that moment.

Big NHS Trust. My boss was AMD and had his eyes on MD position, wanted to impress with the rebranding proposal he had worked so hard on in secret when he should have been on the wards and in clinic.

The hospital town name began with C.

It was a University hospital.

It was an NHS Trust.

He didn't understand why I started laughing hysterically when he was showing off to me in front of the other AMD about his great idea for rebranding.

I had to spell the proposed acronym out to him.

Our working relationship was never the same after that.

lets do a deep dive

Organisations describing themselves as ‘nimble’ gives me the rage for some reason.