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AIBU?

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Original poster

Anyone else have an aversion to corporate bollock speak?

570 replies

LindaLaHugh · 07/02/2022 15:58

I say aversion - deep hatred would be more accurate. It gives me The Rage
You know the type of thing " deep dive" " I'll take that away to action it" " even " going forward" makes me a bit stabby

OP posts:
I8toys · 07/02/2022 19:32

God this. I have to look up terms to see what they actually want me to do some days. Just fecking say it proper like. I fecking hate the word cadence in regard to meetings. Just say fecking schedule or programme. Consultant bollocks.

FourChimneys · 07/02/2022 19:32

It's not new though. Back in the 1980s I worked in an office with two women of a similar age. The two men who were senior to us were always using corporatespeak to make them sound good - this was the age of the Yuppie for those who remember.

We put an A2 chart on the wall and ticked off every utterance until the men realised we were making fun of them.

Iliketeaagain · 07/02/2022 19:36

@tunainatin

And why have people started saying 'Talk to that item on the agenda' rather than 'talk about?' why? Angry
I was going to say the exact same thing- "I'm going to talk to this slide deck" rather than, I have this presentation to show you.

Ive only noticed it in the last year or so, no idea where on earth it came from.

Stuckandinamess · 07/02/2022 19:42

It drives me around the bend. A couple of ways of dealing with it for you...
A colleague and I used to have a lighthearted bet before the start of a meeting on who would use the first 'corporate speak' phrase and how long it would take e.g. John and it will take him 7 minutes . Loser buys lunch
One of us would weave in a pre-selected corporate speak ' phrase into the meeting. Extra points if someone agreed with you and it always had to be in context.
Purely for our own entertainment and avoided either of us getting the rage.

LittleMissTake · 07/02/2022 19:59

Well this all came from left field.

nonevernotever · 07/02/2022 20:06

The other thing I can't bear is faddy workplace initiatives. Has anyone ever done the fish training? The gist is that everything would be great if we were all having fun at work, and they show you a video of these blokes who sell fish and make the fish dance and do silly voices for the customers. I think they did tricks with these fish. And then they ask you to come up with ways to integrate fun into the workplace.

My mother and I have both done this training, both working in jobs where vulnerable people were relying on us to take our jobs seriously. It didn't seem hugely appropriate to be thinking of ways to have more jolly japes in the office 🤦🏼‍♀️

A colleague and I reckoned that even if you ignored the stalkerishness or utter stupidity of some of the fish stuff (sticking post-it notes saying I love you on a colleague's back/desk/locker ; wearing red noses throughout meetings etc) it just didn't suit the average Scottish personality which was much more suited to a dour kipper philosophy instead.

Envoitrevisage · 07/02/2022 20:12

I’m probably in the minority. I quite like some of it, and use loads of it…..

Pivoting away from, building narrative and getting things over the line are specialities of mine.

CandyLeBonBon · 07/02/2022 20:16

I really hope you're pushing the envelope with this blue sky thinking op! Let's get some optics on that, but be sure to deep dive into your metrics so we can really drill down in what's driving current momentum.

Shimy · 07/02/2022 20:20

@smooshraspberry

Why don't we take this offline?
Perhaps you need to think out of the box Wine
isthismylifenow · 07/02/2022 20:25

@Envoitrevisage

I’m probably in the minority. I quite like some of it, and use loads of it…..

Pivoting away from, building narrative and getting things over the line are specialities of mine.

Let's park this one.
kirstyalslap · 07/02/2022 20:27

@Ffsmakeitstop

We once had a boss who told use to try "blue sky thinking" he wasn't impressed when I asked "wtf does that mean?" He didn't say it again and I'm still no wiser.
laughing my head off at this!
stuntbubbles · 07/02/2022 20:27

What story are we telling? We need to comms our offering with a strong narrative, as per the deck

PrettyBluebells · 07/02/2022 20:28

My boss doesn't pass work to anyone, she throws things over the dance. I always do a volleyball dive and bash it back in my mind.

Daphodils · 07/02/2022 20:29

@PrettyBluebells

My boss doesn't pass work to anyone, she throws things over the dance. I always do a volleyball dive and bash it back in my mind.
These are clearly completely made up Grin
NoToLandfill · 07/02/2022 20:31

I don't really mind, if everyone knows what you mean.

What I do mind is aggressive or sexual lingo

'more bang for your buck'
'market penetration'

Grim. I can't not grimace when they are said

hellololabells2019 · 07/02/2022 20:31

We have bilateral discussions. Means one to one apparently

flossletsfloss · 07/02/2022 20:36

Ideas buffet

Say no more!

PrettyBluebells · 07/02/2022 20:39

@Daphodils ha ha, it's a typo.

She "throws things over the FENCE" to people! That's why my head goes to volleying it back.

topcat2014 · 07/02/2022 20:39

@auntybumbum you are so right. I have been in manufacturing for 25 years, with forklifts and hard hats and stuff. All the places Boris likes going to. I work in education now. Big change, and new acronyms. TLR anyone?

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 07/02/2022 20:43

@Envoitrevisage

I’m probably in the minority. I quite like some of it, and use loads of it…..

Pivoting away from, building narrative and getting things over the line are specialities of mine.

🤮🤮🤮🤮
Horrace · 07/02/2022 20:43

A colleague and I made one up and used it in conversation with a senior manager to see if he noticed. This manager ended up using that very bolloxy term in future meetings. Wanker
The term we made up was 'knit one pearl one'

AuntyBumBum · 07/02/2022 20:44

@NoToLandfill

I don't really mind, if everyone knows what you mean.

What I do mind is aggressive or sexual lingo

'more bang for your buck'
'market penetration'

Grim. I can't not grimace when they are said

This says more about you than about the expressions!

I've always assumed the bang was fireworks. And all sorts of things can be penetrated in ways other than the one your mind seems to have latched onto Grin

heelforheelandtoefortoe · 07/02/2022 20:45

Have you checked the SOP?

We have so many SOPs I'm surprised there isn't one on how to do a shit.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 07/02/2022 20:46

This is making me laugh so hard. I too, am allergic to corporate bollock speak. My personal hatred is for 'touching base'. Anyone touching my base is going to know about it!

FootballFacedOrang · 07/02/2022 20:50

I was once in a meeting in an absolute hell hole of a workplace where everyone was called together by the CEO to help name the big fancy new 'client relationship and participation software' she'd been working on for aaaaages (while ignoring all the things that actually needed to be addressed in the place).

She suggested loads of stupid acronyms and such, until my diamond of a colleague stuck her hand up and said with outstanding deadpan delivery: "CRAPS?".

God I loved her in that moment.