Anyone else have an aversion to corporate bollock speak?

[LindaLaHugh]

I say aversion - deep hatred would be more accurate. It gives me The Rage
You know the type of thing " deep dive" " I'll take that away to action it" " even " going forward" makes me a bit stabby

I also think that a certain amount of jargon is a) inevitable and b) useful.

Sure, the old-hand ITers get cross when people say "ping" and mean contact by phone/mail/WhatsApp but everyone knows what it means.

Same with other Jargon/corporate bullshit words - they convey so so so much more than one word usually can. A bit like how Hygge means so much more than cosy, or Heimat means so much more than the place you were born/live.

In the context of a zoom meeting, 'let's take that offline' may at least make some sense.

It’s not that it doesn’t make sense, it’s just that I’m sick of hearing it.

Just say “I’ll speak to you after about it”. Works just as well!

My absolute worst is "in train". As in "there is work in train to fix this".

In fucking train, what the fuck does that mean anyway?

One of my colleagues recently emailed and said she was 'looking forward to some comms about it'.

None of my other colleagues has ever used that phrase. And she has been out of the corporate world for ages.

Maybe it never leaves you.

I hear close of play a bit from people outside our organisation.

Haha. My OH and I used to work together for a big life company and would often attend meetings (for meetings sake) and we would take with us a 'bullshit bingo' card. We'd put all the crap corporate wank comments in a table and every time someone would say a phrase such as 'let's park this' or 'think outside the box' we would tick it off. Other colleagues would do it too (obvs not senior mgmt as they were the culprits!) But the one who'd ticked off most comments on their score card didn't have to buy the drinks on a Friday night social. Class.

@MadameHeisenberg

Pinging is useful shorthand for MS Teams messaging; nothing wrong with that.

'Ping' makes sense for a very short, minimal communication if you're in the habit of pinging IP addresses. It's when technical terms get stretched because they're being used by people who don't know what they mean and wouldn't used them normally that they become naff and/or less useful, I think.

Pinging just really grates on me. Ping this person ping that person, I'll ping it over.
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And since the 'pingdemic', it may not sound quite the same?

Working at pace pisses me off.

‘Reaching out’ is one that annoys me so much it’s hard to type it. The DC know how much it winds me up, so shoehorn it into as many conversations as possible just to watch my eye twitch. It is the most stupid phrase ever - just say ‘I contacted’ or ‘I spoke to’

Oh another one is "jump on a call". Why do I have to jump? Far too much effort, I don't like jumping. Why can't we just "have" a call or meeting.

@SingingSands

My manager asked me to "distribute comms to the team that facilities are actioning the repair schedule" on a matter. I think she meant "let everyone know that the kitchen tap is being fixed".

I think I might have been tempted to email her and say "do you mean let everyone know that the kitchen tap is being fixed"

I used to work in one of the big Professional Services firms, which is rather like being at public school but with a better canteen.

"It's not ideal..."

It's a fucking disaster...

"...but we are where we are..."

...but let's not think too much about whose fault it is...

"...and our primary responsibility is to work towards the optimal outcome for the client..."

...and there's still a good half-a-million in the client's contingency budget.

I bloody hate it.
I especially hate to 'touch base' with anyone.

An NHS one is "In it's totality" i hear it in almost every meeting.

@SirChenjins

‘Reaching out’ is one that annoys me so much it’s hard to type it. The DC know how much it winds me up, so shoehorn it into as many conversations as possible just to watch my eye twitch. It is the most stupid phrase ever - just say ‘I contacted’ or ‘I spoke to’

Same here. I, thankfully, seldom hear it, but read it a lot online. Unless you are one of the Four Tops, don't be reaching out

@JuergenSchwarzwald

Oh another one is "jump on a call". Why do I have to jump? Far too much effort, I don't like jumping. Why can't we just "have" a call or meeting.

This made me laugh. Just think though, you could be getting some exercise while working at the same time.

I had my first fireside chat the other day. Wankers.

@SirChenjins

‘Reaching out’ is one that annoys me so much it’s hard to type it. The DC know how much it winds me up, so shoehorn it into as many conversations as possible just to watch my eye twitch. It is the most stupid phrase ever - just say ‘I contacted’ or ‘I spoke to’

Same here.

I remain steadfast in my contacting, speaking to.

Literally all my colleagues use this stuff all the time! Even though some of them don’t have English as a first language, so they would have had to bloody learn this bullshit

It makes zero sense in a sentence

Reaching out… ffs… nobody ever heard of social AND professional distancing?

I heard a new one today in a teams call. "Legacy hand" as in "Julie, would you like to feed into the discussion or is that a legacy hand?" As in dumbo Julie stuck her virtual teams hand up ages ago and forgot to take it down again.

You might enjoy Bob Mortimer’s Train Guy

www.instagram.com/p/CXe04gSjA07/?utm_medium=copy_link

@WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly

I had my first fireside chat the other day. Wankers.

Yeah, that one is irritating too.

I think working from home has saved my career, no one can see my eye rolling 😂

It means everyone sharing relevant stuff to a central company f drive apparently. Like 90% of businesses do so

Maybe 20 years ago ...

I don't mind legacy hand. When I've come across it, it's mostly a polite way of saying "You forgot to turn off your raised hand symbol, you dozy twat"

I'm about to impose a corporate jargon fine jar, in that every time DH uses any such phrase he has to pay a fine. I'll be rolling in it within a week.

Can anyone explain the current new one doing the rounds at his office 'sand between the toes'?!