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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else have an aversion to corporate bollock speak?

570 replies

LindaLaHugh · 07/02/2022 15:58

I say aversion - deep hatred would be more accurate. It gives me The Rage
You know the type of thing " deep dive" " I'll take that away to action it" " even " going forward" makes me a bit stabby

OP posts:
Dracolimus · 10/02/2022 19:07

Yep.
Heard my manager say about a leaver and someone joining today "I'll be onboarding Mr X then I'll be off boarding Mr Y"
Ffs!
I wanted to say "and who will you be waterboarding?"
It's totally cringe and I have to listen to it every day.

ErrolTheDragon · 10/02/2022 19:12

@Dracolimus

Yep. Heard my manager say about a leaver and someone joining today "I'll be onboarding Mr X then I'll be off boarding Mr Y" Ffs! I wanted to say "and who will you be waterboarding?" It's totally cringe and I have to listen to it every day.
Offboarding sounds like making someone walk the plank or do a high dive. Maybe it is?Confused grim...
Perdy45 · 10/02/2022 19:15

@LindaLaHugh

Anyone who says "thought fridge " needs taken out, mafia style..not for dinner
GrinGrinGrin
dementedma · 10/02/2022 21:00

In my sector we:
Ask "what are the so whats?"
Complete our rounds
Stand up, stand down,stand by
Warn people off( give notice)
Have slide decks and pack ups
Listen to the mood music
Have a turn of the wheel
Box and cox
Veer and haul
Promulgate

Lupinhere37 · 10/02/2022 21:17

@HippyChickMama I hear “chunking up” so often in my company. Someone said it to a client last week. Client looked baffled; I saw my face on Zoom looking murderous. It is vomit inducing.

mum2jakie · 10/02/2022 21:21

[quote Lupinhere37]@HippyChickMama I hear “chunking up” so often in my company. Someone said it to a client last week. Client looked baffled; I saw my face on Zoom looking murderous. It is vomit inducing.[/quote]
We had some shit training years ago where chunking up was a big buzzword. Just makes me think of lumpy vomit! Confused

oopsIdiditagaintoo · 10/02/2022 21:22

Vision

I am so sick of vision at the moment.

oopsIdiditagaintoo · 10/02/2022 21:25

Has disruptive fucked off? Haven't heard it for a while. Everything was disrupting everyone a few years ago.

itwasntaparty · 10/02/2022 21:38

Let's step through together

Deep dive

And so many other that give me the rage

buddylicious · 10/02/2022 21:43

A friend was invited to an ideation session at work.

Isn't that just a meeting?

whateverintheworld · 10/02/2022 21:56

Oh god. I think my whole company does this (including me). When shit’s hitting the fan it normally requires a “state of the nation”

RichPetunia · 10/02/2022 22:01

My pet hate is “ what’s the ask?”. When did that become a phrase??Confused

KimDeals · 10/02/2022 22:02

@oopsIdiditagaintoo

Has disruptive fucked off? Haven't heard it for a while. Everything was disrupting everyone a few years ago.
Oh yes! If you or your thinking wasn’t disruptive you were nothing!
Heidi451 · 10/02/2022 22:03

The one that I hatr most is "going forwards" at the end of every sentence:

"We will be reviewing our corporate plan going forwards"

"The CEO will decide whether tea will continue to be served at meetings going forwards"

The other one is "park".
Someone brings up awkward but pertinent issue at a meeting:

"Thanks Jane, but we'll just PARK that for now, okay?"

Arghhhhhhhhh

KimDeals · 10/02/2022 22:03

@RichPetunia

My pet hate is “ what’s the ask?”. When did that become a phrase??Confused
Let’s consider the optics on that…
paradyning · 10/02/2022 22:05

Operationalise anyone?

FrangipaniBlue · 10/02/2022 22:42

Recent one I heard was "we're making some improvements to the procedure to make it more linear-ed; up to now it's been organic".

So you mean it was a chaotic shit show and now you're going to sort it out?

My boss is a lively lady but she uses most of the ones on this thread daily Confused

grabitnoe · 10/02/2022 23:31

Deck = PowerPoint

Pitch Deck = Keynote with mainly pictures

Huddle = Put our heads together

Sanity check = Get someone to say they agree with your figures

What's the FAB ( Features and Benefits)

All day long it's about being authentic, heritage and having call outs.

I sit in a lot of marketing meetings and it's either above the line or below the line. I'm not sure what the line is though 😂

Don't even get me started on exploring the route ( pronounced to rhyme with grout) on our road map.

I could go on.. but I totally agree reaching out to me is a btw I'm doing this ( oh my gosh I'm doing it now) rather than asking for it.

UserError012345 · 11/02/2022 06:38

Catch up. Let's have a catch up. All invites in diary are now labelled 'catch up'. FFS.

I don't want to 'catch up'. I'll send you an email. Maybe.

OhWhyNot · 11/02/2022 06:42

Let’s touch base

Erm no thank you but we can have a discussion

Thankfully moved away from this as not in corporate work but having the deal with my pronouns are bollocks

Camdenish · 11/02/2022 06:52

@Phineyj

But do the mice get on with the geese? Asking for a friend.
Grin

Years ago I sat through a rebranding which was called, every few sentences, a Vision Thing. That got the goths in the audience riled. I suppose it worked as I can remember the title of the rebranding. Of course nothing actually changed within the organisation but I’m not sure that was the point?

Soybean31 · 11/02/2022 06:54

Space
Reach out
Digest
Hmm

Darbs76 · 11/02/2022 06:56

Blue sky thinking - arghhh. Someone in my team says that and it gives me rage

Undertheoldlindentree · 11/02/2022 07:17

Working. At. Pace. (gnashes teeth!

DePfeffoff · 11/02/2022 07:44

Using "reach out" instead of "talk to" should be a criminal offence.