Whoever mentioned Parish councils , we have hardly any corporate speak. But every single planning application involves an Archers worthy potted history of the village.
So Appletree house wants a rear single storey extension, cue
Where is Appletree house ?
Its's bicycle Bob's old place, next door but one to Terence the tree, just up from quagmire lane. Didn't used to have a name, was just number 3 back then.
Who is bicycle Bob ?
You know Bob, lovely chap, kept sheep on quagmire lane, they were always escaping, got into the Church vegtable plot when he grazed them in the churchyard one Summer, descimated the brassicas , lived here years before he moved over to Lancashire.
He's dead now.
Who Bob ?
Yes, tragic it was.
Did he have an accident on his bike ?
No, he got his cuff caught in his electric tin opener and severed an artery.
Thats awful !
He was a good age, mind.
Do you remember that Summer him and Baler Brian came to blows over his lasses pony getting sick and Bob blaming Brian for selling him hay with ragwort in ?
Yeah he never did rejoin the darts team.
Who Bob ?
Brian ! Bob never played darts, couldn't with that squint.
His daughter used to make really good rabbiting nets from the twine.
Brians ?
No, Bobs, Brian never had a daughter.
She lives in America now.
No Australia.
I heard she came back and lives in Filey, split up from that chap she married, funny hair, bit of a limp, and now lives with a woman.
PC Clerk valiantly attempts to get a decision. Nobody objects...
They might struggle, what with the well being so close to the house.
The wells at number 2
No definately at 3, I helped Bob fill it with some hardcore left over from when they built the new scout hut. He tried to build a pond over the top but it kept draining, lost a lot of fish before he put the decking down.