Anyone else have an aversion to corporate bollock speak?

[LindaLaHugh]

I say aversion - deep hatred would be more accurate. It gives me The Rage
You know the type of thing " deep dive" " I'll take that away to action it" " even " going forward" makes me a bit stabby

did proactive make the list?

I worked for a business which set up a subsidiary company - and called it Pro-Active!!

I'd defend going forward... I use it (admittedly possibly a bit passive aggressively):

• "Well, I / you have royally f"cked it up this time, but going forward we can distance ourselves from that particular shit show by doing X next time....

@TheyTookTheCrownButItsAllRight

My boss says 'historically' a lot ... really grates ...

Do you work in a care home, by any chance? My awful manager regularly said this. Such a nincompoop.

Distill the essence of the idea - what actual fuck does that even mean?!!

Disseminate - as soon as I see that word I want to throw my laptop out of the window

Hello I want to reach out to you and your team - well I @#£&%?# can't stand the expression reach out. Aaarghhh

My boss the other day said 'conceptualise the idea for me Queenie.' I looked at him as if he had 3 heads.

There was a bloke on telly earlier today who said he was a 'problems manager.' I see job titles are becoming equally as daft as the corporate speak.

Put a pin in that.
Let's touch base in a week's time.
Mission statement.

Unbearable!

I'm going to double click on this

@CorsicaDreaming

I'd defend going forward... I use it (admittedly possibly a bit passive aggressively):

• "Well, I / you have royally f"cked it up this time, but going forward we can distance ourselves from that particular shit show by doing X next time....

But how does it differ from ‘in future’?

You've all missed 360 degree thinking. A favourite with the BBC and other major companies.

It had its justification with Auntie - eg maximise the use of local, regional and national reporters with stories shared between radio and tv, nations and regions. The idea was a local radio reporter breaking a story could service tv output. Unfortunately no money was put in to make this a reality - nor reasonably could a local radio reporter covering from 0600 be expected to be out and about at 2200 and update later. Once, yes, but not serially.

@Claymorekick

A few of us at work also do the Four Tops song whenever somebody says 'reach out'

The ones that really irritate me are 'granular', 'looking through a lens' and describing people as 'authentic'. My company is obsessed with having authentic leaders

Total bullshit and definitely gives me the rage

I really struggle with granular 😂 Took a long time to work out the meaning but I still find it a bit baffling.

Every time someone says the report needs to be ‘granular’, I picture baking disasters.

I was once told that I wasn’t “the right kind of passenger for their bus”. The “conductor” was fucking useless and was encouraged to leave shortly after I did.

I lost the plot when "strengths and weaknesses" became "top strengths and bottom strengths" 😑

The overuse and misuse of myself and yourself.

In defence of corporate bollocks, I think it’s normal to pick up jargon and stock phrases (“no is a complete sentence”, “did you mean to be so rude”).

Also, I find in the corporate world, you’re asked to speak more in meetings than the content would warrant. I found myself waffling the other day in a meeting where I had nothing to add but I felt obliged to say something. I’m sure a few synergies and going forwards tumbled out.

An ex boss loved bullshit talk, for secret santa I got her a book on business lingo as a joke, she was genuinely thankful and thought it was a well meaning present.

I can't stand corporate bollocks. If you need to google the meaning it's not motivational. My company had an obsession with eradicating the silo mentality for a while.

@DameMargaretofChalfont

OMG YES!!!

I'm fed of of hearing "I'll reach out to John in accounts"

What you actually mean is "I'll talk to John in accounts"

FFS Can we please stop this "Reaching Out" bollocks when we mean talk or ask!!!

THIS!!! And pretty much every gem all of you have thrown down here!

I've been looking at job adverts recently (I'm wanting to move out of teaching and into something less stressful 😨)

However...I quite literally cannot understand what even the most basic of requirements are for any of them. There's this whole list of bullet points (fair enough, I expect that!) but it may as well be written in Russian 🤷‍♀️

I'm an intelligent person, but after several read throughs, I still can't work out what the job entails or if I'd be able to do it!

Why can't they simply describe the bloody job in plain English? I honestly do not understand this notion of bastardised corporate speak...it's not clever at all.

Our old marketing director was king of this kind of language. He was also a frequent user of metaphoric phrases, e.g. "boil the ocean".

We used to tease him about it, especially after he went to a very important meeting with some senior global marketing executives from a brand our company distributes, and uttered the phrase "the kimono is open". My colleague who went with him could barely contain himself. Apparently the mental image it conjured was too much for him!

@Tempusfudgeit

'Push back'. It's 'disagree' dammit!

The problem is I've also seen/heard it used a few times instead of 'response' which gives a completely different meaning to what's being said!

Oh god, it's EVERYWHERE and I've picked up some of these since changing my job a few years ago... Don't worry, I utterly judge myself for it too. It's nonsense.

I really thought "incentivize" was a made up word.

But it is in my New Harts Rule book.

I can only conclude that it was added in recently

Also, I find in the corporate world, you’re asked to speak more in meetings than the content would warrant. I found myself waffling the other day in a meeting where I had nothing to add but I felt obliged to say something. I’m sure a few synergies and going forwards tumbled out.
I always just say “Nothing to add here – I suggest we end the meeting early and free up everyone’s time” to avoid the descent into madness. If I know the audience will be more receptive to nonsense, I rephrase that as “Signing off on all this early thinking – let’s buy back 15 minutes diary for all, especially hard-stoppers, with a shutdown now.”

In my team meeting yesterday: several instances of "reach out" and one of "lets take that offline".

Yuck.

@CeeceeBloomingdale

I can't stand corporate bollocks. If you need to google the meaning it's not motivational. My company had an obsession with eradicating the silo mentality for a while.

I don't actually mind that one so much, it does at least have a meaning, and one that it would take longer to explain in plain English.

Whereas "reach out" can be replaced with contact, phone, email, message, talk to - to name but a few!

I don't use "incentivise" - I change it to "offer incentives for/to".

And "impact" gets changed to affect or have an impact on. I guess in some cases I am making sentences longer - but clearer!