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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I lend DH money?

169 replies

Wazza89 · 07/02/2022 12:11

I recently inherited 2k, a car, plus extra money to pay enough insurance for a year. DH was going to return his car and we were going to share mine. He’s actually the main insurer and I’m a named driver. Then he changed his mind about returning the car so I’m going to switch the insurance back.

Now DH’s car needs anything between £500 to £1k worth of work. He will need to take out a loan. Originally, he was going to sell the car and pay the settlement figure (he’d have made a few hundred, too, going by what webuyanycar quoted). Now, he’s in a dilemma. He won’t get much money for it and will still need to pay the settlement figure. Or he can take out a loan to get it fixed. Either way, he doesn’t have the money. He can’t leave it on the road without insurance, but he doesn’t want to pay for something he’s not driving. He also doesn’t want my car anymore. He wants to take out a loan to repair it, but I’m sick with worry about getting into more debt. Especially with rising energy costs. I put the inheritance money into a savings account and am paying creditors back via direct debit.

Do I lend him the money to avoid getting into more debt or do I leave him to it? In terms of household costs/bills, I pay more in terms of percentage. He has £500 after household costs, but it all goes on finance stuff (inc his car and PC). Thing is, I don’t see any other solution that won’t get us further into debt. And before someone tells me to get a job.. I’m trying!

Has anyone got any practical advice?

OP posts:
housemaus · 07/02/2022 12:28

It seems as though your finances aren't shared - DH and I would see the 2k as shared money, so it would go on repairing the car, but if your finances aren't really shared in that way I could see why you might have pause.

As long as there's a good reason why he's keeping his car I think I'd just give it to him, let him pay it back at some point into a savings account.

I'm a little confused though - you say you pay more of the household costs but you don't have a job... is this coming from UC or similar? I only ask as if that's the case and money is tight then maybe having 2 cars is a bad idea/not needed and he needs to rethink.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/02/2022 12:29

Did you start a thread on this yesterday?

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 07/02/2022 12:29

Leave him. Don’t give him any more money, leave leave leave him.

Hb12 · 07/02/2022 12:30

How are you contributing to household finances without a job?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/02/2022 12:34

@Hb12

How are you contributing to household finances without a job?
Ah I remember this poster - they work 2 hours a week, and had a thread on the go a while back saying they didn't want to work more hours.
Viviennemary · 07/02/2022 12:34

So you aren't earning anything but don't want to give your husband any money. Sounds like financial abuse to me. Presumably he is paying all household expenses. Get real.

CanofCant · 07/02/2022 12:35

Oh is he the one that wanted to be an online gamer or something?

Original poster
Wazza89 · 07/02/2022 12:39

He earns a low salary and I only work 2 hours a week. Until DS turns 3 in April, we’re substituted by UC.

I get around £534 a month plus child benefit. I had a temporary job in 2020 and another during the summer, then it came to an end. I was actually in the negative every month but was dipping into my overdraft. Then it ran out and I received inheritance money after my dad passed away. DH couldn’t help me more because he has debt.

OP posts:
Inspectorslack · 07/02/2022 12:39

Your relationship is a mess and both of you are crap with money.

I wouldn’t lend him anything. And I’d be looking to separate.

Shakespearesist3r · 07/02/2022 12:40

I honestly would just stop posting about your financial situation, I've read your multiple threads, you clearly don't want to work and you don't listen to anything anyone has told or advised you on.

Original poster
Wazza89 · 07/02/2022 12:42

@Viviennemary read my post. If it were the case, I’d be inclined to agree with you but I pay council tax, all our utility bills, and all our food shopping. He pays rent (£600), broadband, TV license. I stopped working during the summer because it was a temporary cleaning job. Now I do
2 hours a week.

I can see why people would reach that conclusion, but it’s not how it is.

OP posts:
Motnight · 07/02/2022 12:43

@Shakespearesist3r

I honestly would just stop posting about your financial situation, I've read your multiple threads, you clearly don't want to work and you don't listen to anything anyone has told or advised you on.
This! You are wasting people's time here.
phishy · 07/02/2022 12:43

Don't led the money, keep it for an emergency. Let him sort himself out.

Teacupsandtoast · 07/02/2022 12:45

This is your other half who was actually quite EA to you? Think we all said leave him then too....

Meandthesky · 07/02/2022 12:46

I remember your previous thread. You and your DP both need to grow up and seriously sort out your finances, including getting a job for more than 2 hours a week.

Beamur · 07/02/2022 12:47

You can't afford to run 2 cars. Ditch his and share yours.

Inspectorslack · 07/02/2022 12:47

You work 2 hours a week cash in hand cleaning and get your mum to buy essentials for your child (iirc shoes) whilst he spunks money up the wall on kit to be a content creator on finance and a fancy car also on finance. You also spend money on stupid shit (air fryer and a tele iirc there).

You are taking the utter piss.

You have £700 a month coming in to you from UC and benefits as well as his wage.

Inspectorslack · 07/02/2022 12:48

And you’re fronting your insurance.

DamnShesaSexyChick · 07/02/2022 12:49

You seem to think your universal credit is yours alone and you are paying your share with it, but it’s both of yours as I presume it’s a joint claim.

Original poster
Wazza89 · 07/02/2022 12:53

Wow. I am actively searching for work. Prior to last summer, I worked the majority of my adult life (apart from times I was between jobs).

Childcare is the tricky part. If you think I’m wasting your time, why bother replying? Read another thread. There are plenty. I’m asking for practical advice.

OP posts:
BobHadBitchTits · 07/02/2022 12:54

Read another thread. There are plenty. *
*
Yeah - written by you about the same thing!

Original poster
Wazza89 · 07/02/2022 12:55

I don’t get £700 UC, it’s just over 600.

OP posts:
Inspectorslack · 07/02/2022 12:56

You said £700 made up of UC and CB.

UC would pay towards your childcare.

Gizacluethen · 07/02/2022 12:57

The obvious solution is that he sells his car. Tough shit "he doesn't want to" There's a lot I don't want to do. But I do it because I'm an adult with responsibilities.
It's your kids future you're fucking with. Do you even need any car? Can you sell both?

Inspectorslack · 07/02/2022 12:57

You can’t afford two cars. You’re a Sahm you don’t NEED two cars.