Do I lend DH money?

[Wazza89]

I recently inherited 2k, a car, plus extra money to pay enough insurance for a year. DH was going to return his car and we were going to share mine. He’s actually the main insurer and I’m a named driver. Then he changed his mind about returning the car so I’m going to switch the insurance back.

Now DH’s car needs anything between £500 to £1k worth of work. He will need to take out a loan. Originally, he was going to sell the car and pay the settlement figure (he’d have made a few hundred, too, going by what webuyanycar quoted). Now, he’s in a dilemma. He won’t get much money for it and will still need to pay the settlement figure. Or he can take out a loan to get it fixed. Either way, he doesn’t have the money. He can’t leave it on the road without insurance, but he doesn’t want to pay for something he’s not driving. He also doesn’t want my car anymore. He wants to take out a loan to repair it, but I’m sick with worry about getting into more debt. Especially with rising energy costs. I put the inheritance money into a savings account and am paying creditors back via direct debit.

Do I lend him the money to avoid getting into more debt or do I leave him to it? In terms of household costs/bills, I pay more in terms of percentage. He has £500 after household costs, but it all goes on finance stuff (inc his car and PC). Thing is, I don’t see any other solution that won’t get us further into debt. And before someone tells me to get a job.. I’m trying!

Has anyone got any practical advice?

@5keletor

On the 19th Jan, she posted ‘AIBU For not wanting to work full time’

I honestly think mumsnet is just something to do while partner is at work and child is at nursery rather than actually wanting help or advice.

Also your gas/electric seems high. Could you look at reducing your energy usage?
Take your DS to libraries or free galleries/public spaces for a few hours and keep the heating off?

Why can’t you pay for your childcare for a job up front out of your inheritance?

I suggest a) get a proper job b) tell your husband he needs to get a proper job c) cut him loose if he refuses d) a two-adult household can manage with one car unless they both work at different times or places e) keep your inherited money in the bank as an emergency fund in case you need to implement point (c) above, which I suspect you will eventually.

@OohRahhMaki we live in a 3-bed house. We have one spare room and we are wanting to downsize.

I'm not going to join the pile in OP but I would think long and hard about what you want your life to be like.

Do you want to be scrabbling around over money for an air fryer?

Do you want to be able to replace your DC shoes whenever they need them?

Do you want to teach your DC better financial skills so they don't end up here?

Do you want to model a healthy relationship or one as fractured as this one?

Do you want to contribute to your future through developing skills and contributing to a pension?

This could be a great wake up call, I hope you sort things out not just for you but for your kids too

[quote Wazza89]@OohRahhMaki we live in a 3-bed house. We have one spare room and we are wanting to downsize.[/quote]
That’s not what you said before. Before you said you wanted to downsize but your DH wouldn’t because of his get rich quick schemes and plan to be a content creator?

@Inspectorslack
Child gets 15 free hours a week so OP could work part time.
OP has posted recently that she doesn’t want to work though so seems nothing will change.

[quote Chichimcgee]@Inspectorslack
Child gets 15 free hours a week so OP could work part time.
OP has posted recently that she doesn’t want to work though so seems nothing will change.[/quote]
100%.

Or she could get evening work in a restaurant or supermarket. Or a fast food place like a chippy. And her DH could mind the youngster.

I have put the inheritance money into savings account. Some of it has paid off credit cards. A small amount is in another current account and is repaying another loan (taken years ago) via direct debit. The rest is in savings and will be used to pay childcare fees (if I can’t find 30 hrs weekend or evening shifts). This is why I’m asking.

@Chichimcgee

£150 on gas/electric. Assume you get your savings from running a cannabis farm in that case.

Or prepayment meters. I'm lucky if mines that low at the moment and there's no cannabis growing here.

Mines more like £250 a month for the two and I'm on the cheapest tariff supposedly. We are low income but due due to disability. It'll drop in the summer though. But I know other people whose energy bills are at the £200 mark without prepayment meters since costs went up, ops being £160 on a pay as you go style meter doesn't mean growing cannabis.

@Inspectorslack those are the jobs I’m currently applying for.

@ABCDEFyou thank you. We are on a prepayment meter and it’s not as simple as changing it as we rent privately.

@Wazza89

I have put the inheritance money into savings account. Some of it has paid off credit cards. A small amount is in another current account and is repaying another loan (taken years ago) via direct debit. The rest is in savings and will be used to pay childcare fees (if I can’t find 30 hrs weekend or evening shifts). This is why I’m asking.

If you’re saying the above, why are you also saying “Yes, UC pay for 89% of childcare, but you still have to pay the upfront cost then wait 6 weeks for a reimbursement.”

You’ve had the inheritance for a while - are there really no jobs at all you could have secured in all that time? How does that sit with your post a few weeks ago where you said you didn’t want to work full time?

[quote Wazza89]@ABCDEFyou thank you. We are on a prepayment meter and it’s not as simple as changing it as we rent privately.[/quote]
You can change the electric to a normal tariff even if you rent.

But you’d need to be sure to actually pay the bill.

You posted less than 3 weeks ago saying you didn’t want to work full time?

Presumably if you live together then the universal credit is a joint claim? So in both of your names? Why do you think you are paying for these things when that money is for both of you?

He wouldn’t receive UC if he were a single man. Single parents, however, still receive benefits.

This literally makes no sense because you’re not a single parent. If you want the money as your own then leave him? In terms on benefits when you’re on a joint claim and one half of the claim takes the money for themselves that is financial abuse.

Oh and I was a single, working woman with no children and I still received UC top up.

Didn't you post something similar recently and get called out for fronting on your insurance?

@Inspectorslack because I would rather work weekends, evenings or night shifts instead of forking out for childcare each month (which is still a substantial cost on minimum wage, even after govt reimbursements) . That doesn’t mean I haven’t put money aside just in case I do need to pay for childcare. Contrary to what many on this thread seem to think, it hasn’t gone on TVs, alcohol, taxis, and false nails. It’s sat in a savings account and I’d rather not waste it. And that’s what the original thread is getting at. I don’t want it to go on sinking funds, I’d rather save and repay debt. However, DH needs a car and I’d rather him have mine than fork out to get his fixed.

Surely if you have been given a car you should share that?

It's a pity he didn't trade in his car earlier but there we are.

It's a total waste of money having two cars unless absolutely necessary.

@Luredbyapomegranate I agree. I’m trying to persuade him.

@girlmom21 @wazza89 I work part time and my husband works full time with a lot of overtime to provide. We both juggle childcare. It would be far more convenient and easier to get benefits but we have aspirations to actually provide and work for ourselves.

If you really think you are going to get any sympathy by telling us you work 2 hrs a week then you are sorely mistaken.

So many people on here have told you to grow up. I think its the best advice you could get.

@Yesitsmeeeee the money goes towards household costs. I’m not getting my nails done.

[quote Wazza89]@Yesitsmeeeee the money goes towards household costs. I’m not getting my nails done.[/quote]
Yes but you’re calling it your money. You are not contributing more towards the bills than him. Your joint benefits are.