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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I lend DH money?

169 replies

Wazza89 · 07/02/2022 12:11

I recently inherited 2k, a car, plus extra money to pay enough insurance for a year. DH was going to return his car and we were going to share mine. He’s actually the main insurer and I’m a named driver. Then he changed his mind about returning the car so I’m going to switch the insurance back.

Now DH’s car needs anything between £500 to £1k worth of work. He will need to take out a loan. Originally, he was going to sell the car and pay the settlement figure (he’d have made a few hundred, too, going by what webuyanycar quoted). Now, he’s in a dilemma. He won’t get much money for it and will still need to pay the settlement figure. Or he can take out a loan to get it fixed. Either way, he doesn’t have the money. He can’t leave it on the road without insurance, but he doesn’t want to pay for something he’s not driving. He also doesn’t want my car anymore. He wants to take out a loan to repair it, but I’m sick with worry about getting into more debt. Especially with rising energy costs. I put the inheritance money into a savings account and am paying creditors back via direct debit.

Do I lend him the money to avoid getting into more debt or do I leave him to it? In terms of household costs/bills, I pay more in terms of percentage. He has £500 after household costs, but it all goes on finance stuff (inc his car and PC). Thing is, I don’t see any other solution that won’t get us further into debt. And before someone tells me to get a job.. I’m trying!

Has anyone got any practical advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
Wazza89 · 07/02/2022 14:54

@amc8583 hence why I have listened to advice, accepted criticism and am looking for work. It’s not an overnight process.

OP posts:
Chichimcgee · 07/02/2022 14:56

The point is the money isn’t yours. You have no upper hand by saying you pay for half of everything when you don’t.
Regardless of DH finances he works full time.
You don’t work and don’t want to.

You have 15 hours a week where you can work but you literally started a thread saying you didn’t want to work!

Inspectorslack · 07/02/2022 14:57

You both waste money.

You get your mother to pay for shoes for your DS and that is only if you can’t get second hand ones. She also has paid for household appliances for you.

You have Netflix and Amazon prime.

He has a ton of stuff bought on finance that adds up to £500 a month.

You run two cars and have done for months even though you stay at home and get the bus because you don’t like driving.

When are the two of you going to grow up?

Inspectorslack · 07/02/2022 14:58

You literally admitted you don’t want to work full time only a few weeks ago.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 07/02/2022 15:17

[quote Chichimcgee]@5keletor

On the 19th Jan, she posted ‘AIBU For not wanting to work full time’

I honestly think mumsnet is just something to do while partner is at work and child is at nursery rather than actually wanting help or advice.[/quote]
I agree.

I've just read back through older posts and she will not take one word of advice.

Sometimes we need to step away from trying to help people who stubbornly refuse to help themselves.

Bellyups · 07/02/2022 15:18

@housemaus if you quoted my post as an example of ‘snide taxpayer is paying hysteria’, then I feel you may have read it incorrectly.
I was pointing out that UC is joint money (hence the bold joint). Not OP’s alone.

I myself have relied heavily on benefits in the past, and definitely do not begrudge anyone in need.

peboh · 07/02/2022 15:24

You both sound absolutely bonkers, and quite frankly useless financially. It's one thing to have some debts from mistakes you made in early adulthood (credit card debts etc) but to still be buying things on finance when financially you aren't overly comfortable is just plain stupid. You both need a good whack around the head and a lesson in how to be a responsible adult.

NameChangeCity123 · 07/02/2022 15:29

@arethereanyleftatall

As everyone pointed out in your other thread, YOU aren't contributing anything. The tax payer is.
Completely agree, this attitude irritates me beyond belief. Benefits are not wages
Viviennemary · 07/02/2022 15:38

Practical advice. Find yourself a rich man. Then you wouldn't have to work at all. Not even two hours a week. You wouldnt need to claim benefits either. Is that practical enough. Honestly some folk.

Inspectorslack · 07/02/2022 15:44

Stop going out drinking regularly with your mate and paying for taxis and smoking weed and use that money to pay for the car repair?

Orchid876 · 07/02/2022 15:47

He needs to give his car back. I wouldn't lend him the money no, and I'd be furious if he took out a loan. And with my judgy pants on, why DOES he have a car on finance. To spend all your disposable cash on a car and a PC is mad.

DumpedByText · 07/02/2022 15:48

Just get a job and pay your way, and tell your husband to get a grip and get a better job!

Thousands of parents on here have kids under 3, they still manage to work. I put my DD in nursery so I could work, you sound lazy and so entitled, 2 hours a week work 🙄

use257 · 07/02/2022 15:58

@Whatsonmymindgrapes

Leave him. Don’t give him any more money, leave leave leave him.
Bit extreme 😂
Mumadof3 · 07/02/2022 15:59

I think it should all just be joint money. He needs his car fixed. Would he do it for you if it was the other way around? If so then just get his car fixed then try sell it and then one car for future.
I understand your situation with work and childcare so sympathies its very hard. Evenings or weekends seems the best way although I eats into family time. My childcare has been the same amount as my wages at times its ridiculously expensive

Glitterygreen · 07/02/2022 16:02

Regardless of anything else, in this situation I'd pay for the car repair with your money.

It's mad that with money so tight he'd need to be considering a loan to fix his car when you have it sitting in the bank. I would definitely use it to get his car repaired.

RantyAunty · 07/02/2022 16:07

I think you and your DH would be better off solving your problems for long term.

Here are 2 free personal finance courses to learn how to budget and manage your money better.

Since you're home so much, you can go through this free basic course.
Personal Finance

Personal Finance 1

Think about getting some training for a career. Nursing, Social Media Marketing, Bookkeeping
Something in demand that pays decent.

OnaBegonia · 07/02/2022 16:08

Another post about this idiot man, the prince who expected his disabled ex to work.
Just get rid of him.

Pazuzu · 07/02/2022 16:11

Am I missing something but has OP made no mention of rent or mortgage costs?

Plus, £160 per month on Council Tax? Whilst being on UC?

This is a massive drip feed thread and something REALLY isn't adding up here.

Inspectorslack · 07/02/2022 16:11

The Prince among men pays the rent from his wages.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 07/02/2022 16:24

I agree you should use the £2k in savings towards upfront childcare costs, not to run a second car.

And don't front your insurance.

JessicaKenny2018 · 07/02/2022 16:25

Why not work as a carer, they are always crying out for home care workers, especially for evening and weekend shifts.

girlmom21 · 07/02/2022 16:30

OP you said the job centre are happy for you not to work. Why don't you tell them you've changed your mind and ask them to help you find work?

quest1on2 · 07/02/2022 16:32

How can you lend your husband money? If you’re married with a child, the money is not ‘yours’ - it’s joint anyway. I can’t really follow all this car business, but just get a joint account and be done with it and stop creating problems that don’t even need to exist. That would be a start. Good luck with the job search.

girlmom21 · 07/02/2022 16:33

@quest1on2

How can you lend your husband money? If you’re married with a child, the money is not ‘yours’ - it’s joint anyway. I can’t really follow all this car business, but just get a joint account and be done with it and stop creating problems that don’t even need to exist. That would be a start. Good luck with the job search.
He's in a shit ton of debt. If she gets a joint account he'll spunk all their money on his hobbies and their bills won't be paid.
Rainbowqueeen · 07/02/2022 16:47

Can you explain why you need two cars? I’d make a decision based on that
If you don’t need 2 then sell one. Running costs are huge. How do the running costs fit into your budget