Do I lend DH money?

[Wazza89]

I recently inherited 2k, a car, plus extra money to pay enough insurance for a year. DH was going to return his car and we were going to share mine. He’s actually the main insurer and I’m a named driver. Then he changed his mind about returning the car so I’m going to switch the insurance back.

Now DH’s car needs anything between £500 to £1k worth of work. He will need to take out a loan. Originally, he was going to sell the car and pay the settlement figure (he’d have made a few hundred, too, going by what webuyanycar quoted). Now, he’s in a dilemma. He won’t get much money for it and will still need to pay the settlement figure. Or he can take out a loan to get it fixed. Either way, he doesn’t have the money. He can’t leave it on the road without insurance, but he doesn’t want to pay for something he’s not driving. He also doesn’t want my car anymore. He wants to take out a loan to repair it, but I’m sick with worry about getting into more debt. Especially with rising energy costs. I put the inheritance money into a savings account and am paying creditors back via direct debit.

Do I lend him the money to avoid getting into more debt or do I leave him to it? In terms of household costs/bills, I pay more in terms of percentage. He has £500 after household costs, but it all goes on finance stuff (inc his car and PC). Thing is, I don’t see any other solution that won’t get us further into debt. And before someone tells me to get a job.. I’m trying!

Has anyone got any practical advice?

@girlmom21 no she doesn't. They, as a couple, have a joint claim for tax credits. It's taxpayers who are subsiding her because she can't be arsed to work for more than 2 hours a week even though her child is in nursery for 15 hours.

You’re married so why aren’t finances shared equally?
You have 2 cars and are a sahm, get rid of one.
I don’t know how people like you fiddle it to be honest, how can there be couples working full time, struggling to make ends meet and yet you can afford to work 2 hours and have 2 cars. It’s baffling.

Both of you grow up. You have a child. Responsibilities. Time to live in the real world.

Both of you are lazy and living in cuckoo land.

Oh, and you don’t pay household bills. Your joint benefits do.

Okay Frosty she is paying from their UC claim iirc. What I meant was he is no 'paying for everything' in the sense that the UC claim covers basics and his wage goes on debts that he is still making bigger. Anyway, it's all besides the point. Sounds like a total shitshow, I think he was texting someone or something last year too.

If I were OP, I'd be making plans for leaving when back to work.

I'd tell him to phone the finance company and discuss voluntary termination. Should be mentioned in the terms and conditions of his finance agreement if you've not heard of it before

[quote arethereanyleftatall]@girlmom21
The child is in, fully funded by the tax payer, nursery 3 hours per day. [/quote]
Ok she's doing all the childcare when the child's not at nursery.

What I'm saying is her husband does nothing at home. He keeps racking up debts he can't afford.

And yes she should be working too and always has an excuse for not working.

She spends money on alcohol and taxis and he gets upset that she goes out, while her moms paying for her kids shoes.

The whole relationship is a shit show.

@ManicPixie

My advice is don’t be married to someone who you don’t trust enough to share your money with.

This. ^ It's very odd to be having separate finances when you're married, and SUPER odd if you have kids together.

@Bellyups

Both of you grow up. You have a child. Responsibilities. Time to live in the real world.

Both of you are lazy and living in cuckoo land.

Oh, and you don’t pay household bills. Your joint benefits do.

THIS. ^ This puts me in mind of people who used to go on Jeremy Kyle, who and say 'I get me wages tomorrow,' when their JSA or ESA went into the bank!

A few points to address…

Yes, UC pay for 89% of childcare, but you still have to pay the upfront cost then wait 6 weeks for a reimbursement. My son is entitled to 15 hours a week childcare and turns 3 this year. He currently goes to school two and a half hours a day which he very much enjoys. He shows symptoms of ASD which runs in the family, but he’s very settled there which is why I’m not willing to change his whole routine. I have spoken to the lovely people at the job centre and they totally understand and it’s one of the reasons it’s not mandatory to search for work until your child turns three. That said, I am looking for work. (I’m looking for evening and weekend work.) The job I have lined up (not 100%) is during the summer. Not now.

In regards to the UC payment, it substitutes his wages but it’s both of ours as we are a family of three. He wouldn’t receive UC if he were a single man. Single parents, however, still receive benefits.

I personally think £618 is a reasonable amount to spend on council tax, gas and electric, water rates, food, nappies, wipes, and anything else that needs covering. If anyone has managed to spend less, please tell me how. I could obviously do with the financial advice. :)

Also, the personal costs (an air fryer and TV) were spent using money from savings which I am legally entitled to. You’re entitled to £8000 savings whilst claiming UC. It was nowhere near that, but just a point of reference.

I think people should redirect their anger to members of society who hide grotesque amounts of tax money offshore, or corporations who have raised the price of energy so many people will have to choose between heating or eating. Not somebody who does a bit of cleaning for less than £70 a month!

@Bellyups

Both of you grow up. You have a child. Responsibilities. Time to live in the real world.

Both of you are lazy and living in cuckoo land.

Oh, and you don’t pay household bills. Your joint benefits do.

THIS. ^ This puts me in mind of people who used to go on Jeremy Kyle, and say 'I get me wages tomorrow,' when it was their JSA or ESA that was going into the bank!

You both sound very immature.

Firstly why do you need two cars? Sell the one you inherited and use the money to repair current car especially if you are already too anxious to drive.

Change DC nursery hours to two full days rather than such a short period every day. Find a job requiring 2 days a week rather than 2 hours.

Decide what you want to do as a career. Do you really want to live like this every single day for the next x number of years?

And finally married couples do not "lend each other money". I find it really odd that a married couple with a child rest money in this way.

What happened regarding the 🐍 message OP? Love, a very nosey person

@Bellyups

Both of you grow up. You have a child. Responsibilities. Time to live in the real world.

Both of you are lazy and living in cuckoo land.

Oh, and you don’t pay household bills. Your joint benefits do.

Those benefits are money that belongs to the OP (or OP and her DH).

I agree OP and her husband need to get their shit together, but there's a lot of snide 'the TAXPAYER IS PAYING' benefits hysteria on this thread. For whatever reason, OP is entitled to that money. I want a welfare system that gives people the money required to live, when they are entitled to or require it. I don't personally need them to feel like it's not 'theirs' when it's received: it is, and legally so.

Also, how I spend my personal savings/credit cards/overdraft fees has nothing to do with your tax money. You’ll be happy to know that our UC is spent on what you probably deem as essential.

Jeremy Kyle is exploitative and misrepresentative. It caused a lot of problems and was cancelled for a reason.

You’re allowed up to £6000 savings before universal credits are effected.
Children entitled to 15 free hours get the free hours. The government subsidises nursery places to cover this. The parents don’t pay, universal credits don’t pay.

So that just doesn’t make sense.

£600 on council tax, gas and electric, water rates, food, nappies, wipes is frankly obscene.

@Whatsonmymindgrapes

Leave him. Don’t give him any more money, leave leave leave him.

Why would she leave him over something so trivial? Ridiculous advice

@Wazza89 the thread is being derailed. People don't have an issue with you claiming UC. People have an issue with you being perfectly capable of working and not doing so, apart from when you do it cash in hand.

There are so many jobs around right now.
You can find work if you want to. Spread the hours across a couple of days rather than 5 if you don't want to pay for childcare.

If you've got £2000 spare you could afford to get a full time job and pay the upfront childcare costs.

Your husband won't give you any money if you give it to him because he can't afford to pay it back.

Because there is more to it than this.

Single men can still get UC but you are right ur UC is for both of u as a couple his wages are took into account for the amount.

Your UC, child benefit and wages should be all in one pot and IMO your inheritance should be also but that’s a personal opinion. With regards to the car I don’t think you’s are in a position to have a 2nd car so explain that to him but I don’t think it’s fair saying this is my money and I’ll think about giving you a loan

[quote girlmom21]@Wazza89 the thread is being derailed. People don't have an issue with you claiming UC. People have an issue with you being perfectly capable of working and not doing so, apart from when you do it cash in hand.

There are so many jobs around right now.
You can find work if you want to. Spread the hours across a couple of days rather than 5 if you don't want to pay for childcare.

If you've got £2000 spare you could afford to get a full time job and pay the upfront childcare costs.

Your husband won't give you any money if you give it to him because he can't afford to pay it back. [/quote]
This. ^

This is such a weird thread!

@chichimcgee obscene? As in too much or too little? I never know on these threads.

If the 89 in your username refers to the year you were born then you're in your 30s ffs. This level of financial incompetence is more fitting an 18 year old. As a pp said, is this REALLY how you want to live your life? Up to your eyeballs in debt, relying entirely on state handouts!

You have a child. It's time to grow up and be a responsible parent. That goes for both you and your husband

All your past threads show that you two are chaotic with money, unrealistic about how you can manage, and not very responsible (I think you also had your car insurance cancelled by the insurers, because you weren’t sticking to the black box conditions, if I’m right - which is a big deal).

You need to sit down and start working out how you can have a proper, functional adult life as a family where you aren’t lurching from debt to debt. You have enough coming in to be able to do that but, as for everyone, you have to make hard choices, whereas you both come across as fairly childish.

You need to provide security for your child. Sell your car, repair his car, drop all the foolish ideas of making a living as a gamer and knuckle down to clear your current debt and build a cushion of savings before you make any big life changes.

Oh Jesus Christ. I remember this poster. The partner wanted to be a content creator and had all the gear but literally no idea (and hardly any folllowers). OP doesn’t work and her mum had to buy the kid’s shoes and pays their car insurance. The relationship sounds toxic and despite both being in their 30s, they sounds like deluded teenagers with champagne tastes on a beer budget. Or maybe even a meths budget. What a total mess.

Separate. Stand on your own two feet. Get a damn job. Full time.

@girlmom21 I am currently searching for work. I find a lot of supermarket, fast food outlets, etc., are hiring those under 25 due to a lower minimum wage and often less childcare restrictions. I’m not using that as an excuse not to look, but I have applied for various supermarket jobs to no avail. I’m also willing to do voluntary work to improve my CV or change career options.

There are plenty of jobs but it’s not always as straightforward as people think. I worked 50+ in my last job and thought there’s always work available/no excuse for people not to work. Now I see it’s not that simple. My CV hasn’t changed but I’m finding it a lot harder to find work than I did pre kids.