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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I lend DH money?

169 replies

Wazza89 · 07/02/2022 12:11

I recently inherited 2k, a car, plus extra money to pay enough insurance for a year. DH was going to return his car and we were going to share mine. He’s actually the main insurer and I’m a named driver. Then he changed his mind about returning the car so I’m going to switch the insurance back.

Now DH’s car needs anything between £500 to £1k worth of work. He will need to take out a loan. Originally, he was going to sell the car and pay the settlement figure (he’d have made a few hundred, too, going by what webuyanycar quoted). Now, he’s in a dilemma. He won’t get much money for it and will still need to pay the settlement figure. Or he can take out a loan to get it fixed. Either way, he doesn’t have the money. He can’t leave it on the road without insurance, but he doesn’t want to pay for something he’s not driving. He also doesn’t want my car anymore. He wants to take out a loan to repair it, but I’m sick with worry about getting into more debt. Especially with rising energy costs. I put the inheritance money into a savings account and am paying creditors back via direct debit.

Do I lend him the money to avoid getting into more debt or do I leave him to it? In terms of household costs/bills, I pay more in terms of percentage. He has £500 after household costs, but it all goes on finance stuff (inc his car and PC). Thing is, I don’t see any other solution that won’t get us further into debt. And before someone tells me to get a job.. I’m trying!

Has anyone got any practical advice?

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 07/02/2022 13:59

Cars here are joint expenses so we pay for them with joint money. But it seems like there are bigger issues at play here than who pays for a car!

phishy · 07/02/2022 13:59

[quote Wazza89]@chichimcgee obscene? As in too much or too little? I never know on these threads.[/quote]
£600 does seem a lot for those things.

How much are your bills?

Mine:

Council tax: £210 pm
Gas and Electric - £100pm (although expecting it to go up)
Water - £30pm
Food - varies

What is your biggest spend?

girlmom21 · 07/02/2022 14:01

@Wazza89 what did you do before? Could you go back?

apprenticewage · 07/02/2022 14:02

Why on earth do ye need two cars if one of you only works 2 hours? What a joke!!

Ivegottagoforaliedown · 07/02/2022 14:03

@Wazza89

A few points to address…

Yes, UC pay for 89% of childcare, but you still have to pay the upfront cost then wait 6 weeks for a reimbursement. My son is entitled to 15 hours a week childcare and turns 3 this year. He currently goes to school two and a half hours a day which he very much enjoys. He shows symptoms of ASD which runs in the family, but he’s very settled there which is why I’m not willing to change his whole routine. I have spoken to the lovely people at the job centre and they totally understand and it’s one of the reasons it’s not mandatory to search for work until your child turns three. That said, I am looking for work. (I’m looking for evening and weekend work.) The job I have lined up (not 100%) is during the summer. Not now.

In regards to the UC payment, it substitutes his wages but it’s both of ours as we are a family of three. He wouldn’t receive UC if he were a single man. Single parents, however, still receive benefits.

I personally think £618 is a reasonable amount to spend on council tax, gas and electric, water rates, food, nappies, wipes, and anything else that needs covering. If anyone has managed to spend less, please tell me how. I could obviously do with the financial advice. :)

Also, the personal costs (an air fryer and TV) were spent using money from savings which I am legally entitled to. You’re entitled to £8000 savings whilst claiming UC. It was nowhere near that, but just a point of reference.

I think people should redirect their anger to members of society who hide grotesque amounts of tax money offshore, or corporations who have raised the price of energy so many people will have to choose between heating or eating. Not somebody who does a bit of cleaning for less than £70 a month!

Haven't read the full thread but agree wholeheartedly with your last paragraph. It's not people claiming pitiful amounts of benefits that are the issue, it's the super rich cunts who dodge tax and the idiots we call our government spending thousands on wallpaper and giving ppe contracts to their mates!

I say this as someone who has never claimed benefits and pays quite a lot of tax/NI. Let's not turn on each other.

amc8583 · 07/02/2022 14:03

You earn more than I do in UC and work 2 hours a week?

What a joke.

girlmom21 · 07/02/2022 14:05

@amc8583

You earn more than I do in UC and work 2 hours a week?

What a joke.

If you earn less than £600 a month you can't be working full time either and you'd probably find you're eligible for UC too if you're single or have a low earning partner
jimmyreckon · 07/02/2022 14:06

You can have 6000 in savings

You're also fronting your insurance which is illegal

GirlOfTudor · 07/02/2022 14:08

@Chichimcgee

You’re allowed up to £6000 savings before universal credits are effected. Children entitled to 15 free hours get the free hours. The government subsidises nursery places to cover this. The parents don’t pay, universal credits don’t pay.

So that just doesn’t make sense.

£600 on council tax, gas and electric, water rates, food, nappies, wipes is frankly obscene.

Thank you for stating everything I was thinking! My family is the same size and we spend far less than that.
Original poster
Wazza89 · 07/02/2022 14:08

Council tax - £190
Water rates - £36
Gas and electric - £150 (on a meter)
Food - around £200 per month for the three of us
Phone - £14
Credit card repayments - £30

The insurance isn’t paid for by UC. It was covered by inheritance money.

OP posts:
qualitygirl · 07/02/2022 14:08

Do what you want with the money @Wazza89 by the sounds of it...you'll have it spent by the end of the month either way.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 07/02/2022 14:08

Sell one car and use public transport to save running costs and your DH needs a job.. and to get real
You are both responsible for your child CAB will help with a debt plan

DrSbaitso · 07/02/2022 14:09

You don't want to work more hours, he doesn't want to sell his car.

Ironically, if you could find out how to solve money troubles without having to do things you don't want to do, you'd be very rich.

apprenticewage · 07/02/2022 14:09

@Wazza89 how are you going to insure the car next year??

MacauliflowerCulkin · 07/02/2022 14:09

Why are you only working 2 hours a week?

2 hours!?

People don't have an issue with people claiming UC. People have issues with people thank can't help arsed to work.

2 hours a week isn't work.

Sell one of the cars and both of you grow up a bit.

MacauliflowerCulkin · 07/02/2022 14:11

@amc8583

You earn more than I do in UC and work 2 hours a week?

What a joke.

This.

There's is really not much help at all for the hard workers that are struggling.

Then you get people who can't be arsed.. need I say anymore.

It's so, so backwards.

Divebar2021 · 07/02/2022 14:13

Why not work as a cleaner then if you’ve done that recently ? Put an advert on Nextdoor.com. A lot of the ladies from Eastern Europe who worked as cleaners went home during Covid so there’s a real shortage in my area. ( South East). Cleaners charge between £12 and £15 per hour here.

Chichimcgee · 07/02/2022 14:17

£150 on gas/electric. Assume you get your savings from running a cannabis farm in that case.

Original poster
Wazza89 · 07/02/2022 14:24

@Divebar202 thank you. It’s something I’ll look into. :)

OP posts:
5keletor · 07/02/2022 14:25

Assuming your summer job ended in September (although that's pushing it for summer), that's at least 6 months you haven't worked/worked more than 2 hours per week. Any amount of agencies would have taken you on, it wouldn't have been guaranteed long-term but it would have been something. If childcare is an issue - use your 15 free hours, therefore giving at least 15 hours you can work. I imagine you're happier receiving UC though.

If you would do voluntary work, why haven't you?

Your posts make it very clear you don't want to work in any capacity, but still run 2 cars, have money left over and all the rest. That's not really how it works.

Chichimcgee · 07/02/2022 14:26

Sheesh how many threads do you start, if you put the same effort into working/looking for work/budgeting you’d be doing a lot better

OohRahhMaki · 07/02/2022 14:27

What band council tax are you? Apologies if I've missed it but a small house for three people shouldn't be £190pm surely?

We have a large 5 bed family home and it's £225pm including water rates?!

Original poster
Wazza89 · 07/02/2022 14:27

@amc8583 so families on a low wage shouldn’t be substituted by UC then?

OP posts:
TotallyWipedout · 07/02/2022 14:27

@MacauliflowerCulkin

Why are you only working 2 hours a week?

2 hours!?

People don't have an issue with people claiming UC. People have issues with people thank can't help arsed to work.

2 hours a week isn't work.

Sell one of the cars and both of you grow up a bit.

This.
Inspectorslack · 07/02/2022 14:28

I think you mean subsidises not substitutes? WRT the UC substituting his wages?