To wonder if some women possess super powers that I have not been given?

[Notagoodtime]

I have to 2 school age children and work p/t. My house is not the tidiest, I always seem to struggling to keep everything up together and never seem to have the energy to do much exercise. My daughter had become friends with a new girl in her class. Her mum has 3 children, works full time and runs ultra marathons. My dd went for a play date at the weekend and the house was beautiful and the children and lovely and well behaved.Anyone know how to get these super powers? How the hell do some women seem to achieve so much?

Probably best to try not to notice or to care! It's not much fun to grow up in a show home, is it? And even my DSis and I (who fought like cat and dog) could keep it together for visitors.

I can also guarantee your DD won't have noticed the state of the house and there will be something about yours the other DC will adore.

My best friend growing up had a mum who would let us slide down the stairs in sleeping bags. I loved that. My mum wouldn't have!

Just to say also, of course poor physical health affects your motivation etc but you should sort out any issues for you, NOT so you can have a cleaner house and do more wife work.

When I was severely anaemic my brain was still going 100 miles an hour and wanted to constantly be doing things but my body was just exhausted. It was torture. I just am someone who would rather be making something/rearranging cupboards/out for a walk or run etc. I can't even sit through a whole film because I can't sit down that long and I hand on heart am jealous of people who can just relax.

Silly Dilly OP! She tidied up before you came and threatened to throw the children's toys in the bin if they were naughty. It's a front. Nobody is perfect and if they are then theow poo at 'em

People who exercise regularly are prioritising themselves for that period of time

You see, I see my exercise as for the benefit of my whole family not just me. It absolutely benefits my DC & DH that I’m fit & healthy, mentally & physically in so many ways.

I also think seeing me exercise & do a sport I enjoy sets a good example. I definitely don’t see it as selfish.

I agree with that Fidgetbit. A parent who thinks their own well-being matters is a positive.

I appreciate, not everyone is able to take time for themselves, but women need to value themselves.

In terms of having it all, for sure many women have support and or money, but mental health is also an important factor.

@FigitBit

People who exercise regularly are prioritising themselves for that period of time

You see, I see my exercise as for the benefit of my whole family not just me. It absolutely benefits my DC & DH that I’m fit & healthy, mentally & physically in so many ways.

I also think seeing me exercise & do a sport I enjoy sets a good example. I definitely don’t see it as selfish.

I dunno, I'm a bit uncomfortable with the narrative that everything a woman or parent does has to be for the good of the family. Yes, I think it benefits my family overall that I keep my fitness up especially since my boys are goddamn relentless in their own energy levels, but I do it for me. Everyone should get to have stuff that is just for them, even if there are side benefits, which there will be because everyone in a family benefits if the other members are fulfilled and healthy.

@Rickrollme your point about needing comfort more than perfection chimes with me.

It’s a balance between your own needs and the families. I know many a female martyr who has put everyone else first and regrets it. However, you can double things up- go running with friends then have a drink after, cook and work out, admin on the train(with vpn). Spray bath sink etc and leave for a couple of minutes while you prep food and put it to cook, then clean off. Carry things to their place when you leave the room. Take rubbish out when you leave the house. Buy storage sofa/beds and use them. Etc. Most people get a style that works for them over time. Younger kids are more demanding than older ones so maybe you are doing well! Had you ever considered that? Mine rushed me off my feet when they were younger

I usually put it down to the level of sleep needed. I need 8-9 hours so will never be a high achiever! If you only need 5, then you can fit lots in before midnight and be up at 5am for (ultra) marathon training.

@ambushedbywine

Probably more money and family help of some kind.

I’ve learnt over the years that some people seeming to be perfectly together effortlessly won’t tell you that actually her mum/sister/nanny has the kids whilst she is exercising or that she has a cleaner three times a week.

None of those things are wrong at all, it’s fantastic! Its just a shame women feel they can’t admit them publicly for fear of jealous/comments.

Love how you didn't just the children's father. A woman can't possibly go to the gym unless another woman has the children? We really just forget decent fathers exist?

And plenty of women have neither babysitters not cleaners yet still manage a full time job, a clean house and cooked meals. It's not hard to be an adult, remember appointments and push the hoover around.

She probably doesn’t sit about looking at mumsnet. Some people are just doers. Plus her DH is probably a good one who does his fair share. And maybe she’s been lucky enough to have biddable kids.
Maybe the only tidy rooms are the ones guests are allowed into.

@Wasitworthita

I am friends with a few and I know the secret- have energetic, motivated parents who make you exercise, study and eat in moderation as a child. The habit becomes ingrained and continues through adulthood. I realise this might not be much help but it’s the one common denominator. Other than that, set your alarm, write a big list every day, reward yourself for getting things done and multitask.

My friends who are super achievers had mothers who expected it and had them participating in myriad activities from a young age, so constant motion became a way of life.

Id say the simple answer is that no two people are the same!

There's also the fact that, as mad as it sounds some people actually enjoy cleaning and get a proper buzz from it. As evidenced by all the hinch mania. I've got a friend like that, she likes looking forward to the decorations coming down after Christmas so she can give the house a good blitz, actually asks for specific cleaning products as gifts, etc. and specifically plans in her cleaning time each day as her de-stress from work activity.

I don't get it, but if you are like that it's a great passion/hobby to have, much more useful than my "switch off" activities of faffing on mumsnet

I put it down to the level of sleep needed. I need 8-9 hours so will never be a high achiever! If you only need 5, then you can fit lots in before midnight and be up at 5am for (ultra) marathon training

This is so true. Didn't Margaret Thatcher get by on very little sleep?

I'm amazed by those of you who get up early to exercise. I have always needed a lot of sleep. 8 is the very very minimum I can function on. Any less and I am so tired I actually feel ill and will fall asleep in the evening. If I've ever needed to get up earlier than about 6.45am, it has taken me days to recover.

Just because it looks perfect doesn’t necessarily mean a. It is or b. She feels like she’s got it all under control. She might have help, she might not, but everyone struggles in different ways- even if they don’t show it.

I’m sure you’re doing a great job so don’t put too much pressure on yourself and try not to compare yourself to others. I know it’s hard.