To wonder if some women possess super powers that I have not been given?

[Notagoodtime]

I have to 2 school age children and work p/t. My house is not the tidiest, I always seem to struggling to keep everything up together and never seem to have the energy to do much exercise. My daughter had become friends with a new girl in her class. Her mum has 3 children, works full time and runs ultra marathons. My dd went for a play date at the weekend and the house was beautiful and the children and lovely and well behaved.Anyone know how to get these super powers? How the hell do some women seem to achieve so much?

I work 4 days in a reasonably demanding job, am studying a master's, work out most days and gave two DC.

My secrets, if you could call them that are:

1. I do indeed have a nanny and cleaner.
2. I have got myself addicted to exercise. I hate not having it. I know from experience I'll have more energy if I do it, not less, so I have found ways of getting the fuck on with it even when I don't feel like it.
3. I've trained myself to make quick decisions and get shit done straightaway when I'm thinking about it. IME 80% of productivity is deciding to do something and bloody well doing it straightaway.
4. I also allow myself days when my only "job" is to relax and chill.
5. But I've always just sort of been high-energy and driven. I like a fuck about on MN and a boxset as much as anyone, but ultimately doing nothing bores me.

I work full time, have 2 kids train at least 2 hrs a day and the kids train too, a shared sport in the same location. My house is spotless and I have 2 dogs.
I am not Wonder Woman, by any stretch of the imagination
I have adhd so I self medicate through sport and have energy to tidy etc
My kids keep their rooms tidy (once a week I hoover/ dust/ windows etc)
They do their bins, laundry bins and strip bedding
Dd1 cleans the dog beds and creates
Dd2 sets up and cleans the robot hoover daily

Dp helps cleaning and tidying 50/50

The kids are at their dads 3 days a week.

Things that help
Being out of the house every night from 5-9pm
Cleaning as we go, I wash up as kids eat during the week.
Eat at the table in the kitchen, no food upstairs for kids
Everyone pulls their weight
The entire 4 bed house takes around 1-2 hrs to clean weekly (including skirting boards/ plants/ sofas etc) because we all help

The rule is if you live in the house you help with the house

I don’t have 3 kids (just one) but people might think I am a bit like this

Truth is I worked insanely hard career wise in my 20s so now at 40 I can take my foot off the gas a bit and earn quite well, eg I manage my own hours & can WFH so I can squeeze exercise into my working day and stay fit. I can also afford to pay to outsource stuff, whether that’s having a cleaner or just being able to afford M&S ready meals when I don’t want to cook it all takes the pressure off.

I have family help locally too which helps

Other bits have just been luck eg I was lucky to have a baby that slept ok so I could exercise - some people just don’t get lucky with this

But, on the flip side I have always been a motivated perfectionist (not always a good thing!). I never sit still & never watch TV - evenings I am working or on my exercise bike while child asleep . Sometimes I wish I could chill out more !

I'm not that perfect groomed mum you refer to, and I also have an illness, but its not that hard. I am naturally organised and always have a clean house, tonnes of food in the fridge and freezer, I never run out of anything because I have back up everything,. Any email from school or party invite I action immediately. It's actually easier to cope with once your house is clean to start with, you do a load of washing and a quick hoover, and then you are once again on top of it. It's not that hard, if you have the basics in place inherently.

I'm always amazed at what my SIL does then I remember she works PT (I work FT), DB is self employed so has a lot of flexibility and my DM does wrap around childcare every day and regularly babysits (including for week long holidays). We also has a cleaner (TBF so do I).

I think it’s a combo of factors
I work f/t as a deputy head and husband also f/t teacher. I run marathons, have 3 chn, a relatively tidy house and am learning piano.
We have a cleaner every other week but don’t bother aside from that. I don’t iron.
Husband does 50% of everything and also trains for marathons. We just take things in turns for training/meetings etc
I don’t watch much tv except on the weekends. I work most nights for an hour or two as well and practice piano/have a run. Am in bed by 10 and up at 5:30.
I didn’t have parents that pushed me to do anything - we were unfit and they drank too much. Suspect my parenting style is perhaps in response to this!
I dunno - I don’t have superpowers or anything. Just enjoy running and working and learning an instrument 🤷‍♀️

Kids also in wraparound from 7:50-5:15 most days unless they’ve a club which we alternate

And no family help at all. Ever.

I find being busy makes me feel really panicky. I'm a sahm of school age DC and still have no time to do everything. I'm extremely unmotivated and low energy . I'd love to be different

I agree that help either paid, family, reciprocal arrangements with other parents or the kids’ father doing half is vital to having the time to work and run ultra-marathons. But it will also be about good habits -

*Combining things when you can (I once worked with an ultra runner who ran 20 miles to work and back again some days. Traffic was awful, so that removed two 45 minute drives from her schedule).

*Not watching much TV/browsing the Internet/etc. - these are time sinks for most people (me included!) and doing stuff instead leads to much more stuff getting done.

*Not falling into other commitments without ensuring you have the time for it. Because when you do, you end up giving up the things that are for you and that has a knock on effect on how you feel about everything else and how motivated you are to do the tidying, being organized, etc.

I find it much more offensive that we have to pretend that some women can work ft, have kids, run ultra marathons and keep a tidy, clean house.

Of course they have some help.

My dh does a fuck tonne of running which is what is required to complete in marathons regularly.

He works full time and spends most of his weekends doing housework and childcare.

We don't have any paid help and it shows. Our house also is a bit shit and needs money spending on it. If it was in beautiful condition it would look a million times nicer.

We also don't have the money for built in wardrobes and have naff all useful storage.

Money is the answer to this particular puzzle.

What helps me is having a large house with lots of storage, everything has a place, the joys of country living. Also I can't just pop to the shop so I have to be prepared

A clean house make me happy, my sport makes me happy - so I find a way to make it happen, yet it is essential to have help from who ever lives with you, why would you put up with anything less

I really don't find it tough to build 2+ hours of sport in a day and I am not rich and would never have a cleaner.

My dp just does his share, he cleans the bathrooms, does the washing 50/50, cleans the house with me.

It's not money that helps always.

@Bumpsadaisie

I guess if this lady is running a lot, she has a lot of dopamines and energy.

Her kids might be well behaved because she is positive to be around and pleased with her running and work achievements.

Really must start running again, I am in a total slump here!

I run a lot and do other sports. I am full of dopamine and serotonin.
I am most definitely nicer to be around post exercise.

My kid is still a wee sod.

Tuesday evening is The Best night in my house. DS has football training, and I have running club. If you want to ask me a favour, Tuesday night is the time to do it.
Saturdays are also good if he has a match and I have been for a long run.

Jokes aside, my sport has helped me through some very dark times and I feel very fortunate that I enjoy it so much.

OP can I ask what your overall health is like? I completely overhauled my health fairly recently, sorted out my diet (I saw a nutritionist) and lost a couple of stone in weight - this has positively affected my energy levels and motivation in general and I do feels like I have super powers compared to how I was feeling before!

@MrsBaublesDylan

I find it much more offensive that we have to pretend that some women can work ft, have kids, run ultra marathons and keep a tidy, clean house.

Of course they have some help.

My dh does a fuck tonne of running which is what is required to complete in marathons regularly.

He works full time and spends most of his weekends doing housework and childcare.

We don't have any paid help and it shows. Our house also is a bit shit and needs money spending on it. If it was in beautiful condition it would look a million times nicer.

We also don't have the money for built in wardrobes and have naff all useful storage.

Money is the answer to this particular puzzle.

But its not pretending if some of is do live that way though is it?

My theory, apart from just people being generally different energy levels and motivation as others have said, is that it comes down to how you were raised.

My parents both like a clean and tidy home so the kitchen counters were cleaned within 10 minutes of being used, the floors were swept daily etc. If I boil the kettle to cook some pasta I go and fold washing while I wait. I wipe down the bathroom after a shower before I get dressed while I am waiting for my body moisturiser to soak in. My DH is the same, all siblings bar one are the same.

I would consider my DH and I very time efficient and I definitely have easy kids. It just isn't an effort for us because it's part of who we are. What is difficult is to make time for our hobbies (I run half marathon and he plays squash and football) but we do make time because it's important to us that the DC grow up with happy healthy parents and see a good example of how to be happy healthy adults themselves.

I'm like this. I have no help. True I don't run marathons but I work p/t, setting up my own business, see friends, have two kids, do things at weekends and keep on top of all the household chores.
My super power? Getting up at 6:30am every day and not sitting on my phone helps!

I used to sit and scroll for hours and I wouldn't get up until 8am. I was so unproductive and nothing got done. It ended up being a additional issue to my depression and anxiety.

Oh I also volunteer once a week for girl guiding (I do the admin which takes aggggges as well as running sessions) and I'm doing an open university degree.
I don't manage very well with my own thoughts or being bored!

Yeah they probably have a cleaner / other support.

@Wasitworthita

I am friends with a few and I know the secret- have energetic, motivated parents who make you exercise, study and eat in moderation as a child. The habit becomes ingrained and continues through adulthood. I realise this might not be much help but it’s the one common denominator. Other than that, set your alarm, write a big list every day, reward yourself for getting things done and multitask.

If only this were true, I would have my shit completely together! My mum is one of those women with super powers and she did her best to ingrain them into me as well. It all worked until I was living on my own working ungodly hours, keeping my flat perfectly tidy, planning everything in advance and waking up 90 minutes early to pick out my clothes and make sure my hair/makeup looked just so. It all looked good from the outside but I was miserable. For my mum it is natural to live that way but for me it took an enormous amount of focus and energy, and once I had kids it was almost impossible to keep up. I craved unstructured time to relax and be spontaneous and I realized needed comfort more than perfection. I probably have retained some good habits from childhood but I love very differently from my mum and my brother who takes after her. I’m so much happier and less anxious now that I’ve stopped trying yo be someone I’m not. It is chaotic sometimes and I miss the ease of a household where everything is in its place and everything happens on time but there’s no ease in it for me when I’m the one making it happen. The funny thing is mum sees how much more relaxed I am with my family and I know she envies it in a way. She says she regrets spending so much time and effort on making everything look perfect when we were young and that she should have allowed more time to just hang out as a family and also to develop her natural talents in a creative hobby she enjoys. But she hasn’t really changed her behavior so I think it’s just how she is. I sometimes envy how perfect her life is as it seems so much easier in a lot of ways but it is much nicer for me to be comfortable in my own skin. You can only train a person so much.

I would be better at achieving this if...
We were in the house less. Sahp with one in school and two at home. Few groups a week but still largely at home.

We had more storage / less stuff. We have too many toys and don't know how to reduce that without upsetting the kids

We had a bigger house. Not eating in the living room would change my life.

I feel exactly the same as you OP, 2 kids, work p-t, tired all the time, can't keep on top of the housework and life admin etc. My SIL has just had her 4th and keeps ontop of everything. Her eldest 2 kids are super clever and they are all really well behaved, she is amazing at everything.
But my DD is currently being assessed for SEN and I going through the process there is so much of it that I recognise in myself and once we have a diagnosis for my DD I will be looking into wether I have SEN myself.

I had a really stressful childhood for reasons I won't bore you with. Looking back I lived on the edge and was always on high alert...very stressful. As an adult I actively avoid stress as much as i can. I'm happiest sitting at home doing nothing.

@Natty13

I agree, this is very similar to how things are in our home too.

For us it's about making the most of our time, I don't sit down if there is something to be doing. If I'm waiting for the spin cycle to finish on the washing machine, I wipe the counter tops down or pack up the school lunches for tomorrow, whilst eldest is in the bath entertaining herself I run the hoover round and so on. Waiting for eldest to finish ballet class I don't just sit in the car on my phone I go and get a quick shop in or get the car washed blah blah blah. It's just second nature and it is tiring but when they are both in bed by 6:30 and I can sit down in peace to have dinner and a bath and relax it makes the hectic previous 12 hours worth it. I can't read until everything is done, so I do it... because I REALLY enjoy those few hours in an evening x

*rest until everything is done 🤣