To wonder if some women possess super powers that I have not been given?

[Notagoodtime]

I have to 2 school age children and work p/t. My house is not the tidiest, I always seem to struggling to keep everything up together and never seem to have the energy to do much exercise. My daughter had become friends with a new girl in her class. Her mum has 3 children, works full time and runs ultra marathons. My dd went for a play date at the weekend and the house was beautiful and the children and lovely and well behaved.Anyone know how to get these super powers? How the hell do some women seem to achieve so much?

If I have people coming, I spend a whole day cleaning tidying and decluttering. The house looks amazing then, and my kids usually behave while people are here. I have no superpowers!

I know someone I would describe like that but the reality is that she massively struggles with ocd and other issues.

I've also had people say I'm like that. I have lots of hobbies, 2 dc, work full time, have a dp but not living together. The thing is, I'm constantly juggling laundry, etc. My house is never fully clean and tidy but it's not horrendous either. The essentials get done. I actually find that the busier I am, the more I get done. When I was working ridiculous hours at work, I could also do ridiculous hours of activities and chuck in some laundry/cleaning/DIY. But a steadier 9-5 job and I struggle far more to get on with stuff.

This has reminded me of when I was a new mum. There was a woman at baby & toddler group and she was always immaculate. Clean, blow dried hair, blonde, no dark roots-ever. Back to her slim pre pregnancy body, flat stomach etc. always full immaculate make up but never over done. Always matching coordinated outfit. Beautifully dressed in say taupe suede skirt, cream blouse, taupe waistcoat, brown shoes, delicate understated jewellery. Her house was like a show room too. She married her child hood sweetheart. Saw her a couple of years ago and she was still classically beautiful, all blonde and slim with lovely clothes.

You can make lifestyle changes to get more time and energy, there are reasons why people have 'naturally high energy'.

You can make lifestyle changes to get more time and energy

It’s not that easy for people with illnesses

I do wonder whether it is easier to keep the house tidy if you do work full-time. You are out all day and the dc are in childcare or at school / after school clubs, so there's nobody at home making a mess.

@ghostmouse my heart went out to you when I read your post, I'm also a single mum (but with only two kids) and it's the hardest thing, so much responsibility and there's only you. You really don't understand until you are properly a single parent (I'm guessing it was your husband/partner who passed away) and there is just no other source of help, how hard that is.

The one thing I wanted to say though is I hope you can get on top of the anaemia as this will be making you feel exhausted- through taking iron tablets, but not with your cup of tea as this doesn't allow the iron to be absorbed.

Don't want to lecture you though, because actually, you are already amazing, you have kids, you work f/t, you are all coping with bereavement- that IS a super-power, and the fact there's a bit of dust around your house doesn't make it not so.

@Momicrone

You can make lifestyle changes to get more time and energy, there are reasons why people have 'naturally high energy'.

And some of it IS innate and impossible to replicate in another body.

My take on this is you have to find what helps your own energy and productivity through trial and error. And really never begin or end by comparing with others.

Some people really are Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps when it comes to having that head start.

She absolutely, no question, pays people to do things for her. Nothing wrong with it, makes life easier, but nobody has actual superpowers.

She knew you were coming so she cleaned up!

Possibly pays for help?

I’m a single parent to 3 young DCs. 2 go to school, but my youngest is home with me. I work part time (evening/night work) on the days the dcs are with their dad. I’m also studying part time at degree level.
A lot of the time it feels like their are t enough hours in the day.
I use Mondays as my “shit job day”. So today, me and DC3 have gone and done the big food shop, come home and put all the clean laundry away, hoovered up and downstairs, cleaned the kitchen and bathroom etc. Once those big jobs are done, the rest of the week consists of little jobs that feel more manageable to just do as I go. Weekends when the DCs are with exH, are pretty much a write off. I’m either working, sleeping off a late shift or doing the Uni work that won’t do itself. There’s literally no time to do anything else.
The next time that I have an opportunity to shirk responsibility and do something just because I want to is August when my sister gets married. I’ve booked it off work and it will be the first weekend I’ve not worked since July 2021

I work full time, often later into the evening that “9-5” and picking up bits on the weekend.
I’m on top of everything and my kids are well behaved. I run half marathons regularly and also participate in that outing hobby of cycling 🤣
I think the source of my “super power” (not a phrase I’d pick) is:

• my kids aren’t that hard to parent. Which o actually do want to claim a bit of responsibility for, but is mostly luck
• I divorced a man who didn’t carry his weight, and later married one who did
• I have a personality that is more towards, “let’s get this done” than, “let’s sit around stressing that it isn’t done”
• I really like my job, so at the end of the day I don’t feel ground down and needing to run from yet more tasks
• my job is desk based so I’m rate physically tired

I guess if this lady is running a lot, she has a lot of dopamines and energy.

Her kids might be well behaved because she is positive to be around and pleased with her running and work achievements.

Really must start running again, I am in a total slump here!

I wish I was better at adulting. Unfortunately DTwins are exemplary "terrible-twos, double-trouble" and cannot be trusted for very long, and cause chaos wherever they go.

Lone parent of 3 under 9. Work full time in a stressful job. Clean and tidy house, go gym 3x a week. Keep a decent social life too.
What people dont see is that I am exhausted from it all but don't dare let the mask slip for a second in case someone thinks I am not coping. It's not all it seems.

Why women, rather than couples? The running is her but the house and children are both of them. Is that the difference between you and them, that in your house everything is down to you?

Also, money, cleaners etc.

I think without a chronic fatigue condition I could be one of those women!

I have a mega easy 10 year old and a small dog and work full time from home. Because I get tired so easily I have managed to always work so that I only do 9-5 despite a senior job and good wage (no specific allowances made by work but I've always defended my right to finish on time vehemently and now I am senior enough that I don't really answer to anyone else).
I get up at 6:45am and have 8am - 9am as time to walk the dog whilst family kindly do my school run. I work until 5, make dinner until 6 and then collapse in a heap. A more functional human being would have loads of time to exercise / tidy. My cleaner comes once per week so minimal upkeep is really needed.

However I actually live in a permanent state of knackered chaos!

I also used to work part time. I have 3 kids primary and nursery. My house was a shit heap and my arse a blancmange. Then I went full time in a much higher paying role, got a full time nanny and a fantastic cleaner for 4 hours each week, sometimes extra. So now I go for runs in my lunch break and my house is immaculate. So yeah...it's not you, just money.

@minipie

1) Some people have more energy and better health 2) Some people have more help (family or paid) 3) Some people have naturally easier children

When you have one of these you’re more likely to have the others as it’s a virtuous circle - eg your children were easy and slept well, so you had more time and energy to exercise and eat healthy food, so you have more energy for work, so you earn more, so you can afford help, so you have more time and energy for good parenting, so your children are well behaved and easy… etc

As someone whose children didn’t sleep well and as a result, have left me feeling utterly broken, this post has really warmed my heart. I often look at other mums and wonder why I (and my house) seem such a mess but your post makes a lot of sense to me, thank you

A lot of what PPs have said but also something I’ve noticed is people wondering how people have the energy or time to exercise on top of all the other things they’re doing but in reality it’s the other way round. Exercising is giving them the energy they need to do everything else. I definitely notice a difference when I’m prioritising exercise that all the other stuff just seems to get done because I have more energy. When I’m not exercising I think there’s no way I’ll be able to squeeze it in or find the energy to do it as I’ve too much to do.

I achieved my superpowers from hard initiation in a series of low-paid employments where I had to learn fast or get the boot.

Hotel cleaner/maid
Hospital cleaner
Kitchen skivvy (commercial kitchens)
Au pair (3 kids, absent parents)
Shop assistant (nothing beats it for physical exhaustion and PR skills training)

I heartily recommend you all to send your teens to the finishing school of crap lowpaid jobs.

I’m lazy. I never see anyone admit that it’s such a hard thing to say, but I am. Don’t get me wrong the housework gets done it’s not that I’m a minger, but that energy and motivation people seem to have - I’ve never had it. Some people have their tea and immediately clear everything and wash up, I have a lengthy break while I dread putting the dishwasher on I’m also naturally disorganised, spend my life running late (not usually holding anyone up, just in general everything seems last minute). I have 100 notebooks, plans, things to help me become all these things I wish I was but this stuff just never comes easy to me. I think there are more of us like that than you’d think.

I think everyone is just different and has a different situation. Each person has a different energy level, a different set of skills and talents, different income, different interests, different spouse and children with their own different skills and talents. I think it's important to keep up with hygiene and be sufficiently organised that you can find your checkbook, pay your bills, the kids are in clean clothes, etc. But above that, I think everyone is just different.

@OlympicProcrastinator

I don’t do ultra marathons but I do have 4 kids and a spotless house and work full time. I actually don’t understand how things get messy or dirty. I just put things away in their place as soon as I’ve finished using them or wipe away dirt when I see it or spray the bathroom and wipe when I’ve got a spare 10 mins. It’s something I’ve done since I was a teen as my parents were the same so I don’t know any other way and it’s just completely natural to me. Husband is the same which helps although he works away the majority of the time. I posted because I really don’t like the idea that people can’t possibly have a very clean and tidy home without paying for it. No way could we afford that.

Can’t answer about the kids though, two were born really well behaved and two are utter terrors. Definitely not got parenting sussed.

I do exercise daily but only for 7 minutes as I do that Lucy Whyman Read 7 minute daily workout as it’s all I can realistically stick to. I do it in my p.is in the dark before I do anything else it sets me up for the day.

It definitely helps if other people in your house contribute to keeping on top of it. One of the first things I do each morning is empty the dishwasher so that anything dirty can go straight into it throughout the day. It doesn’t stop everyone else leaving cups on the coffee table or their cereal bowl on the table though. Sometimes things make it as far as the worktop on top of the dishwasher but very rarely inside despite my constant reminding!

Likewise bedrooms were dusted and hoovered today but my partner already has a floordrobe of pyjamas, dressing gown and gym clothes and my son has toys all over the floor. Neither take long to pick up but it’s just constant. As are the crumbs all over the kitchen!

It was much easier when I only had two preschool age children and worked full time so nobody was there all day and they didn’t need much feeding at home!

I go through stages of being like this. When I am, and the house is immaculate, everything is organised etc, it’s because I am scrolling and watching tv less.
Money isn’t always the answer, quite often it’s motivation and energy