To wonder if some women possess super powers that I have not been given?

[Notagoodtime]

I have to 2 school age children and work p/t. My house is not the tidiest, I always seem to struggling to keep everything up together and never seem to have the energy to do much exercise. My daughter had become friends with a new girl in her class. Her mum has 3 children, works full time and runs ultra marathons. My dd went for a play date at the weekend and the house was beautiful and the children and lovely and well behaved.Anyone know how to get these super powers? How the hell do some women seem to achieve so much?

Maybe her DH/DP doesn't work and is able to look after the house / kids full time?

How awful that the assumption is her husband must earn enough to buy in help or she employs someone else! So quick to knock other women. Why can't it just be that she's organised, motivated and energetic

Because it implies women who don't achieve that are just lazy. The truth is she probably does have money and support. There's a finite number of hours in a day and you cannot be on two places at once. You cannot train for a marathon whilst working, whilst cleaning your house and whilst taking care of your children all at the same time.

Reminds me of one of dh friends wives. She had six month old twins...and was back working from home. Dh told me he thought it was amazing that she was doing this. I asked him who was looking after the babies...he insisted she must be. I told him that was absolutely impossible..she couldn't look after her twin babies, whilst working and wilst cleaning.

I was right...they were in nursery and she had a cleaner.

Often it's because they have a lot more money than you, but I think it is sometimes just a difference in energy levels and outlook on life.

I don't want to be busy all day every day. I hate that. I actively avoid being over stretched, as much as I can. Some people are the opposite. I don't either way is right or wrong, better or worse etc. It's just different ways of being.

Maybe your house stays clean because no one is at home

No it was clean during lockdown and clean while I was on maternity. It’s clean because it’s a habit.

I have a friend like this - a "don't know how she does it" type. The fact is, she comes from enormous privilege. She has been given family money to buy a beautiful house (houses in good nick are just must easier to clean and make them look nice). She has a cleaner. She has money to throw at problems. She has very high standards for herself and other people. She gets up at 5am to exercise. She is a self-confessed ball of nervous energy and can be quite neurotic. Her children are very well behaved, although her oldest is quite anxious and a complete perfectionist. I couldn't live like that, and I'm not sure I'd want to. Sometimes on a Saturday morning I just want to cuddle the kids and all watch Junior Bake-off together. That wouldn't be an option for her as she has to get a 13 mile run in.

I agree that peoples’ ‘normal’ energy levels vary enormously. I don’t think of myself as high-energy in particular, but I have a friend (a perfectly healthy man in his early 50s) who regards my normal week (I work FT, have a young child, am project-managing a big house renovation, walk or cycle everywhere, volunteer one shift a week on a helpline, and see friends and family), as an insane pace of activity.

I was a bit taken aback as I got to know him at just how low-energy he is — we have the same job, and he’s divorced and only has his children periodically, but he gravitates to the sofa when not actually at work, and something like taking his kids to their swimming lesson on Saturday is regarded as a huge and exhausting ordeal. I recommended he have a health check-up, but there’s nothing wrong. That’s just his ‘normal’.

I also have friends who are way more high-energy than I am. I have an architect friend who has three children, works 80 hour weeks and still trains for and runs ultra-marathons.

I write novels, and I’ve lost count of the number of people who tell me they would love to write, but haven’t the time. The truth is, you’ll fit it in somewhere if you want to, whether that’s getting up at 5 am, writing at lunch break at work, no longer watching TV etc.

I'm a sahm with 6 kids. I make time for exercise (weightlifting) but constantly feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with washing and cleaning. I can't justify the cost of help and dh works away a lot so I get few breaks. I often wonder how other women manage to have a social life, I take a few hours out to catch up with a friend and I'm playing catch up with all the jobs at home again. I can't wait for clothes drying weather to come, being able to line dry makes life so much easier for me.

She probably gets up at 5am every day. I worked with a woman like this. She was very self disciplined but almost to the point of unhealthiness. I worried for her. She's still doing very well so probably no need but I do wonder if some will look back and wish they had been able to relax a little more.
I keep my house reasonably clean and tidy but my kids also build giant train tracks and cover the table in play dog. I have friends who would never allow this, have very few toys and houses that look like show homes.
At the other end I have a friend with a house that is an absolute riot but she was always making things and doing craft activities with her children.
You can't be everything. You just have to pick the bits that suit you best. For some people running is their relaxation, for others it's knitting. Some don't see mess for others the house needs to be in order for their mental health.
I'm somewhere in the middle. I like camping and putting up tents...for others that would be a chore they'd never contemplate. The key is enjoying what you do, otherwise no one could keep it up

Houses that clean and tidy are usually not allowed to become unclean or untidy in my experience (or not for long). DH washes up after every meal and puts dishes away - non-negotiable because he hates cooking and so this and laundry are his chores. Counters get wiped down every time we use them. I like to regularly touch up paint / fix minor issues every year - this is quite simply the only reason why our house looks great. It’s something my bf’s dad (who is a builder) taught me the importance of. I don’t always put away toys after DS is finished with them (I like him to have access when he wants them) but I am sensible about only letting him access washable pens / paints. Even the pens we use are washable - so no biros. I also put down floor tiles and used washable paint on the walls / doors so even if he goes wild with the markers and it takes me a while to notice it isn’t the end of the world. I’m also not someone who has a lot of stuff. I never got the hang of trinkets / accessories etc so that probably does help keep things tidy.

I think some people are just quicker to do things than others.

I've always found that I do things quickly compared to other people, whether than be school work, cleaning, crochet, work etc. I can't quite identify why I seem to get through tasks much more quickly than others, I don't think I'm trying any harder. But if things take you less time you get more done.

Also for some, if you enjoy exercise it fits into the downtime category not the chore category. If you feel like you're forcing yourself to go for a run for half an hour, you might then feel you need half an hour doing very little. If you genuinely enjoy running that half hour is your time and you're ready to do something else afterwards.

We all have different priorities, levels of energy and motivation. I personally would rather leave my kitchen looking a little untidy and relax of an evening as opposed to Mrs Hinch-ing it but that's just me. I am a little lazy and not that fussed on having a super tidy house. I would like it but not enough to do anything about it whilst I have two little people intent on messing it up all the time! Don't worry about it.

Another thought, when my kids were tiny, I remember apologising to a health visitor for the mess and chaos. She said to me "never apologise for toys that have been played with by kids that are allowed to play. There are two types of houses I worry about - the ones that are filthy and the ones that are immaculate."

@Kennykenkencat

I was exactly the same and for me it was a combination of realising that there were 2 reasons my house was a tip and theirs wasn’t and how they did so much more than me

Firstly they worked f/t and so everyone was out of the house all day so the cleaner could come in twice per week and clean it.

And secondly, I found out at the grand old age of 60 that I have adhd. I think really really badly because 70mg of Elvanse (speed) and some top ups of other Amphetamines throughout the day just make me feel like unloading and loading the dishwasher.

Same, only I was 33 when diagnosed and I’m 35 now. Needing meds to be arsed to load the dishwasher or put the laundry away is no fun at all.

Yep, some people are just naturally stoic and know how to just 'get on' with life, no matter how busy/hardwork/monotonous that can be.

Others don't handle it so well and so can only do the basic and will take opportunity to slack in other areas because they need time to unwind etc.

I have friends like this and I watch them like a hawk but the closest I get to understanding the secret of their success is that they never stop and sit down for a cup of tea and waste time on Mumsnet like I'm doing right now.

I don't have superpowers but I do have husband who pulls his weight

That way we both have children, careers, hobbies, and an an acceptable level of tidiness in the house.

She probably doesn't bum about on MN like us

She is probably super organised and manages her time better, I'm envious of those skills but I can moan that I've not achieved much in a day but then my phone tells me I've spent hours mindlessly scrolling!!

I try to organise my day the night before, I know what needs doing so will write out my to do list which begins with a load of laundry. Whilst that's running, I try to do everything else house related on my list and then get out the house for a walk/run errands. I loosely follow Team TOMM, which helps break down the housework in to manageable chunks.

Also another top tip is comparison is the theft of joy!

I always assume they get more sleep than me. In that I tell myself when I get more sleep I will be better at "womanhood". I don't even work so don't have that excuse

She probably has a cleaner or like me only really tidies properly the night before expected guests otherwise its just the basics!

Our house is always clean and tidy, I go to the gym and play sports and see friends, so does my DH. When my DH is doing bath time, I tidy downstairs, hoover, give it all a once over (sink, toilet & floor of downstairs loo), and empty the dishwasher, stick a load of washing on, and start prep for dinner. When DC are in the bath, DH puts clean clothes away, gives the bathroom a once over, gets DC clothes out ready for the next day, and hoovers. Then we both do stories, and come down, cook dinner, sort clean washing, eat, clean kitchen and finally sit down around 8:30pm.

We also tidy as we go. I wouldn't leave 3 cups on the side, I would automatically take them to the kitchen. Our children are made to tidy up toys as they go, we very rarely have lots of different toys out.

My DH does 50% of everything (sometimes more as he WFH).

I think some people are naturally tidy and need less stuff.

Kids are usually polite in front of people they don't know. People think DD2 is quiet which she is in front of people. At home with her sister, she is as loud as you can imagine.

When my DH is doing bath time, I tidy downstairs, hoover, give it all a once over (sink, toilet & floor of downstairs loo), and empty the dishwasher, stick a load of washing on, and start prep for dinner.
When DC are in the bath, DH puts clean clothes away, gives the bathroom a once over, gets DC clothes out ready for the next day, and hoovers.

Then we both do stories, and come down
cook dinner, sort clean washing, eat, clean kitchen and finally sit down around 8:30pm.

Can I ask what tien roughly you do those things? Like what time does bathtime start and how long does that take?
What time are you downstairs to start finishing dinner etc?

I'm thinking her children are good sleepers and in a routine. She could the fit running in early morning or in the evening. I'm a runner and have the 1 child and would be able to train at those times if my partner was more hands on and DD went to bed earlier.
Her husband must be very helpful or she has lots of energy. She may need less sleep, I know when I go through phases of having 5/6 hours sleep I get more cleaning and housework done.
Her kids may also be easy overall.

One of us goes up around 6:15pm to run the bath and to get their PJS out on their bed, and bring any cups/glasses down and fills their hot water bottles. We go up for bath at 6:30pm and start stories around 7:15pm. DC are in bed for 7:30pm, and thankfully, go straight to sleep. Around 7:30pm we will cook the dinner that has been prepped, whilst the other loads the dishwasher and sorts the wet clothes out. Then we eat dinner, quickly load the dishwasher, wipe the sides down and then by 8:30pm we are both sat down. What ever we cook for dinner, the children will have it for their dinner the next night, so we rarely prepare the children's dinner in the evening.

If one of us is out in the evening (max 2 days a week), we wont wipe down the bathrooms, hoover upstairs, or put a wash on. But almost everything else will be done.

I personally struggle with mess, and thankfully found a DH who likes a clean and tidy house (and is willing to help).

@SleepingStandingUp sorry, didnt tag you. post above.