Tell me you're a parent without telling me you're a parent

[TerribleTuna]

I'll go...

I've watched the same animated film every day for 2 weeks 🙃

I know a whole lot more about minecraft than I want to, but I don't play it.

The suggestions on my Netflix adult account are all P.G. or below 🙄

We have tubs of slime all over the house

I flush the loo roughly 4 times as many times per say as I actually use the loo...

My handbag contains crayons, a drawing pad, hair clips, hair bands, plasters, wet wipes and a few old crumpled up stickers.

I can leap out of bed with my eyes closed and still mostly asleep.

I can sing numerous songs without engaging my brain at all, it’s completely automatic.

I have 6 imaginary people living in my house.

I lay awake at night worrying whether a 22 year old ma i don't live with is safe and happy and getting enough sleep.

Man even

I read the Julia Donaldson books so often I’m surprised when I open other books and they aren’t written in rhyming couplets.

I hover under the kitchen table 4 times a day… at least

Or hoover, I’m so tired I can’t spell any more

I regularly hear talking that isn’t mumbling but also isn’t clear speech. Its also in a tone that implies extreme irritation if they had to repeat it.
He is 17

No, The dog doesn’t want to smell your farts, leave him alone he’s asleep, if he’s in his basket you know not to wave your bottom at him. Yes, I know you smell his farts, but he’s a dog and cannot help farting, no I’m not giving you a score and I don’t care that it’s unfair because Josh does!

I had months of conversations about farting when he was 6 …. Sigh…..

I haven't enjoyed a snack which I haven't had to share with someone else (despite them having their own) in God knows how long.

We don’t talk about Bruno, no no!

Sometimes, I snack on foods that have already been inside another person's mouth. And call it "lunch"

I spent this morning standing in the freezing cold wind watching a mediocre game of football.

@OnceuponaRainbow18

I hover under the kitchen table 4 times a day… at least

Just picturing you hovering under the kitchen table for a break 🤣

It takes me an hour to get out of the house

I get irrationally annoyed at authors who haven’t made their rhyming couplets scan properly.

You had ONE job

A woman at work was bemoaning pain from her wisdom tooth. She decided to go and get some painkillers in our break. To ride her over I offered her teething gel and calpol that was in my bag. (She used them).

Is that poo in the bath?

My handbag is full of tiny pants

@TerribleTuna - we’re not talking about Bruno either. Because that’s not allowed. But for some reason it’s just fine to sing about him incessantly (and to ask Alexa to do the same)…

My current crush is Bandit Heeler.

#IfYouKnowYouKnow

I hear ghost-crying when I shower, or when I am asleep, or watching TV, or eating - it always sounds like there is crying

Watched tractor ted more times in the last 3 weeks that I am actually convinced I could work a tractor/work on a farm. Also i pulled a dummy, toy car and half a cracker out of my work bag last week in the middle of a meeting.