To be confused as to why I am excluded?

[yesitssea]

My friends 50th.

She was my best pal through uni. And afterwards. We lived together in a flat share too for a few years.

Saw her normally over the past year (2 or 3 times) text her happy birthday last week and she replied really friendly like 'thanks, hope we can meet up soon!'.

I go on Facebook today and her and all of our friends are away celebrating her 50th in a hotel. I am gobsmacked. There are even people there who are more my friends than hers. Our old work colleagues. Our joint friends.

I just can't understand it. It's bizarre. She's must have known about it for months. We caught up before christmas and nothing was mentioned.

She does have a history of occasionally singling one person out and excluding them for a while. She likes to be the organiser of weekends away etc.

Im wondering if it's my turn. She's done it to another of our friends and we all noticed and just purposefully made sure that person was forwarded on the invitation every event that was organised.

Can you help me understand what's gone on here? It's so weird. Am I the pariah this time?

Even my Mum said to me 'oh Kerry's 50th looks fab, why didn't you go?' As she had seen pics on Facebook. So awkward.

Coming not comfortable

I think that every time you're excluded it ends up making you stronger, eventually.... after the pain fades

In the last 5 yrs i have been excluded by a bi5ch at work (she left luckily) a female relative who has 100% succeeded in excluding me from the wider family, and because of fallout from that as well as other ways to hurt me, my family of origin has ostracised me. Feel like the last 2 years have been so painful but i am stronger on my own now. I need to be part of a group far less now.

@pictish

Social status. Most people would rather lose a friend. I’m not judging just stating. We weigh up the impact to ourselves and choose accordingly. Follow the Queen, stay in the gang. Not arsed about the gang? Pick your friend.

People don’t always (or often) pick sides according to how nice or decent a person is…they go with the one who has more social status in order to preserve their own.

What awards so many callous and selfish people such status is the truly mystifying part.

Your second paragraph makes a lot of sense - wise words

@UserBot9to5

UserBot9to5
I think that every time you're excluded it ends up making you stronger, eventually.... after the pain fades

In the last 5 yrs i have been excluded by a bi5ch at work (she left luckily) a female relative who has 100% succeeded in excluding me from the wider family, and because of fallout from that as well as other ways to hurt me, my family of origin has ostracised me. Feel like the last 2 years have been so painful but i am stronger on my own now. I need to be part of a group far less now.

I am so sorry to hear you have been through such an awful time. I sometimes think we don't realise how strong we are when we have had to go through such shit. I have done counselling recently and it opened my eyes to how strong I am.

You will never get to the bottom of why she does this, it's bad behaviour, and anyway, what explanation could make this forgivable - I would simply ditch her, block her, ghost her, and never speak to or contact her ever again, or interest myself in her doings, she has a mean streak a mile wide, no 9ne needs a so called "friend" like this, how coukd you ever trust her again. Lance the boil, and it will heal. Cherish friends who you can trust, however few, and ditch the rest, bad friends are a curse

Posted on wrong thread! I’ll ask to have it deleted!

yes @Theblacksheepandme and @Benjispruce5 my family tell me I'm ''mad'' but actually it's strength. I've just stood firm in my own interpretation of events which hasn't been easy because they've shamed me for that. I've lost my family over it. So what they call ''mad'' is actually strong. And I wouldn't be so calmly confident of that if I hadn't had therapy for nearly two years.

I'm dealing with this right now. My relationship ended last year, and since then I've lost 4 what I thought were good friends. They've just gone. I last messaged them at Christmas and decided to not chase anymore. I have never been more lonely. I've no idea what's happened, but it has and I have to get on with it. I'm thinking of moving away and starting again somewhere. The hurt of it.

" They've just gone. I last messaged them at Christmas and decided to not chase anymore. I have never been more lonely. I've no idea what's happened, but it has and I have to get on with it."

What has happened here exactly? Was it normally always you who message them or has there been a change? Were they old couple friends? I can go weeks without being contacted by friends, make up all sorts of things in my head and then discover they've just been away or had a few busy weekends or are more the type of people who respond to me doing the asking. I think if you're lonely sometimes you have to accept you will be the one doing the asking.

UPDATE: she's asked me out for dinner.

Hahahahahahaha

No.

Just block her. She's nuts.

“DH went to the park and invited a complete stranger to our Sunday lunch plans. AIBU to think he should have asked me first and maybe suggested a coffee first?!”

Say yes, make the plan, dont turn up. Then post photos on Facebook of you out for dinner with everyone else!

Or ignore her. Depends how childish you're feeling.

Wrong thread!!

Wow. That's a turnup for the books.

How are you going to respond @yesitssea

Maybe your response was ''No''.

What is her game, asking you out for dinner after deliberately excluding you.

“What is her game, asking you out for dinner after deliberately excluding you.”

Again probably social status. Some of the group will be talking about the non-invite and the outright lie. She will fear the loss of her social standing and will now be working on damage limitation by sucking up to OP with some pitiable excuse for her behaviour.

How are you going to play this one @yesitssea?

Decline but make it really clear that she has made her own bed etc?

I guess you have to weigh up if she's worth it

@pictish

“What is her game, asking you out for dinner after deliberately excluding you.”

Again probably social status. Some of the group will be talking about the non-invite and the outright lie. She will fear the loss of her social standing and will now be working on damage limitation by sucking up to OP with some pitiable excuse for her behaviour.

^ that 100%

I can't believe a 50 year old says things like "I'm taking this pic to make Sarah jealous". It is immature & pathetic.

I can see why you don't want to confront it as getting drawn in makes it hard not to also seem petty.

But I would find it hard not to say something. Maybe just a clear NO to dinner?

What are you going to do?

@yesitssea

UPDATE: she's asked me out for dinner.

Hahahahahahaha

No.

You are JOKING!

you have to go if only to hear the excuses.

Has she invited anyone else?

pictish

“What is her game, asking you out for dinner after deliberately excluding you.”

Again probably social status. Some of the group will be talking about the non-invite and the outright lie. She will fear the loss of her social standing and will now be
working on damage limitation by sucking up to OP with some pitiable excuse for her behaviour.

You're completely right pictish, your very good at analysing.