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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not all men..

479 replies

Jenna19871 · 05/02/2022 23:18

Spoke to DH about this tonight and he said ‘it’s not all men though is it?’

He’s right. It’s not all men. But I have experienced so much shit that wouldn’t be accepted nowadays (not tragic shit but just not acceptable)

At 19 my drink was drugged with rohypnol in the local night club, thankfully I didn’t drink it as it tasted ‘sour’. It was caught on CCTV. The man was banned for 2 weeks. 2 weeks!!!

I’ve taken the tube and had men put their hands on my butt/legs etc with me trying to move away. I didn’t shout, I should have!

None of these are awful stories but it just goes to show that when people say it’s not all men...but it is most women.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Pumperthepumper · 13/02/2022 19:08

@Youarefakenews

Pumper, Can you put down in words what you think is unreasonable behaviour from a man. Educate us.
So, you’re at a bar ordering a drink. Would you want a man’s hand on your arse?

You’re showing your boss a bit of work. Do you want his crotch pressed against your back?

Someone at work has photoshopped your face on a body getting fucked in both holes. Are you happy with that?

And so on.

Youarefakenews · 13/02/2022 19:10

Excellent Pumper, and completely reasonable expectations.

Any more ladies?

myrtleWilson · 13/02/2022 19:10

"ladies"

cuno · 13/02/2022 19:10

Come on ladies I have started you off

Who do you think you are? Because you're a man, we are compelled to play your little game? You're the man and the man says so?

Pumperthepumper · 13/02/2022 19:11

@Youarefakenews

Excellent Pumper, and completely reasonable expectations.

Any more ladies?

So what’s your answer? What else would you not want men to do for you? Why is this so difficult for you?
Youarefakenews · 13/02/2022 19:14

It's not difficult in the slightest Pumper. I am not the one on the forum saying that men need to stick up for me or change what they do.

I am asking for you all to list what you feel is unreasonable behaviour.

Pumperthepumper · 13/02/2022 19:14

@Youarefakenews

It's not difficult in the slightest Pumper. I am not the one on the forum saying that men need to stick up for me or change what they do.

I am asking for you all to list what you feel is unreasonable behaviour.

But you can’t list anything yourself?
cuno · 13/02/2022 19:15

@Youarefakenews

It's not difficult in the slightest Pumper. I am not the one on the forum saying that men need to stick up for me or change what they do.

I am asking for you all to list what you feel is unreasonable behaviour.

I feel it is unreasonable behaviour to come onto this thread as a man and behave like this. Yet here you are.
Pumperthepumper · 13/02/2022 19:15

@Youarefakenews

It's not difficult in the slightest Pumper. I am not the one on the forum saying that men need to stick up for me or change what they do.

I am asking for you all to list what you feel is unreasonable behaviour.

I’ve just thought of another one: you’ve got a picture of your sons on your desk. Would you step in when your male colleagues stopped at your desk to tell you how badly they’d like to fuck your sons?
youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/02/2022 19:17

I am not the one on the forum saying that men need to stick up for me or change what they do.

Nice, decent blokes don't need women to convince them to stick up for them.

God the absolute arrogance of you requesting we try to sort of win you over and persuade you take sides when the alternative side is misogyny and violence against females.

Nice, decent blokes don't need a request or persuasion or argument to know they should 'stick up for' women being harassed, assaulted or attacked.

Youarefakenews · 13/02/2022 19:18

@cuno

Come on ladies I have started you off

Who do you think you are? Because you're a man, we are compelled to play your little game? You're the man and the man says so?

If you cannot say what you consider unreasonable behaviour, how do you expect other people to?
myrtleWilson · 13/02/2022 19:19

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I am not the one on the forum saying that men need to stick up for me or change what they do.

Nice, decent blokes don't need women to convince them to stick up for them.

God the absolute arrogance of you requesting we try to sort of win you over and persuade you take sides when the alternative side is misogyny and violence against females.

Nice, decent blokes don't need a request or persuasion or argument to know they should 'stick up for' women being harassed, assaulted or attacked.

This - plus the fact that fakenews "started us off" with 'murder, rape, physical assault' as definitions of unreasonable behaviour - 'unreasonable' not fucking abhorrent, vile but 'unreasonable'
Pumperthepumper · 13/02/2022 19:20

@Youarefakenews

It's not difficult in the slightest Pumper. I am not the one on the forum saying that men need to stick up for me or change what they do.

I am asking for you all to list what you feel is unreasonable behaviour.

I’ve got another one for you! Your son drives some of your mates home after a night out and one of them tries to feel him up. Your son pushed him away and now is the subject of your all-male WhatsApp group who are calling him frigid, and are running a competition on who he’ll suck off first. Is that fine with you?
youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/02/2022 19:22

I am asking for you all to list what you feel is unreasonable behaviour.

You honestly don't have an existing list of things you know are unreasonable male behaviours towards women that you can use instead of demanding a list?

You haven't watched the news? Watched documentaries? Spoken to women and girls you know? Seen headlines? Seen things happen in person?

You're so lacking in awareness that you want women to list the ways in which men make them feel uncomfortable, harassed and objectified? It's almost as if you enjoy hearing individual accounts.

Do some googling of statistics around women's and girls' experience of sexual harassment from catcalling to unsolicited dick pics to unwanted touches to workplace sexism to the gender pay gap to rates of assault and rape...

There's lots to learn out there without asking women to list their individual traumas. And frankly if we did then we'd be here all fucking night.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/02/2022 19:24

Imagine labelling rape and murder as "unreasonable" behaviour. Not abhorrent, devastating, disgusting, vile.

"Unreasonable".

Talk about minimising @Youarefakenews.

ldontWanna · 13/02/2022 19:25

@Youarefakenews

OK I'll start with the a few then others can join in. Rape, Murder, Physically assault.

Come on ladies I have started you off.

You consider that unreasonable attention? Really?

I suppose anything less is banter,and a compliment and just a bit of fun.

Youarefakenews · 13/02/2022 19:25

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I am not the one on the forum saying that men need to stick up for me or change what they do.

Nice, decent blokes don't need women to convince them to stick up for them.

God the absolute arrogance of you requesting we try to sort of win you over and persuade you take sides when the alternative side is misogyny and violence against females.

Nice, decent blokes don't need a request or persuasion or argument to know they should 'stick up for' women being harassed, assaulted or attacked.

OK let me lead you to where it all falls down that the good guys should step in and speak out. I'll use pumpers examples to highlight.

So, you’re at a bar ordering a drink. Would you want a man’s hand on your arse?

How do I the nice guy at that 'probably' noisy bar know the connection between you two in that short time? How do I know it is making you uncomfortable? How do I know the man doing it will not assault me even if I did know and intevene?

You’re showing your boss a bit of work. Do you want his crotch pressed against your back?

The boss in this situation is a complete . What do you suggest I as a fellow employee do about it, without putting myself in the firing line and lose job security?

Someone at work has photoshopped your face on a body getting fucked in both holes. Are you happy with that?

Again what do you suggest I do about it? I am a fellow employee, didn't put the picture up, think it looks the work of a pathetic little boy and will say so

OneTC · 13/02/2022 19:25

Yes, I agree. I also find it strange that when a man has themselves suffered an assault like the poster on the first aid course, their takeaway from that is perceived ammunition against women who are recounting simular. I'd have expected the experience to have heightened their empathy for women for whom it regularly occurs

👍

SpinsForGin · 13/02/2022 19:26

I feel it is unreasonable behaviour to come onto this thread as a man and behave like this. Yet here you are.

Yep.
The tone of his posts are about putting women in their place. Disgraceful.

Pumperthepumper · 13/02/2022 19:27

@Youarefakenews

Well, if a much bigger, much stronger man had his hand on your arse and you were intimidated and afraid, what would you want a Good Man to do?

Youarefakenews · 13/02/2022 19:28

I’ve got another one for you! Your son drives some of your mates home after a night out and one of them tries to feel him up. Your son pushed him away and now is the subject of your all-male WhatsApp group who are calling him frigid, and are running a competition on who he’ll suck off first. Is that fine with you?

Of course it isn't fine and if I were the member of that group would of course say so.

Youarefakenews · 13/02/2022 19:29

[quote Pumperthepumper]@Youarefakenews

Well, if a much bigger, much stronger man had his hand on your arse and you were intimidated and afraid, what would you want a Good Man to do?[/quote]
How do I let that bigger stronger Good man know I am uncomfortable?

myrtleWilson · 13/02/2022 19:29

So your answer @Youarefakenews appears to be "Wah Wah, this is all too hard for me to have to deal with - no-one understands the difficulties I'd be facing so I'll just have to let "the ladies" crack on with being recipients of unreasonable behaviour which includes in my view (checks notes) - ah yes, rape"

Pumperthepumper · 13/02/2022 19:30

@Youarefakenews

I’ve got another one for you! Your son drives some of your mates home after a night out and one of them tries to feel him up. Your son pushed him away and now is the subject of your all-male WhatsApp group who are calling him frigid, and are running a competition on who he’ll suck off first. Is that fine with you?

Of course it isn't fine and if I were the member of that group would of course say so.

You’re so determined to remove yourself as the focus of the unwanted attention. Why is that?

What would you want someone to do about it?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/02/2022 19:30

@Youarefakenews

What do you suggest I as a fellow employee do about it, without putting myself in the firing line and lose job security?

I suggest that if you believe yourself to be a 'good guy' you stand up and be counted and report a colleague being harassed and objectified even if (shock horror) it may mean you're in the firing line!!!!

Do you really only do 'good' things if there is no chance that doing so may have negative consequences for you personally? Wow.

Again what do you suggest I do about it? I am a fellow employee, didn't put the picture up, think it looks the work of a pathetic little boy and will say so

See above. You need to realise also that these kind of examples aren't just pathetic, they are frightening for us. Because we are being objectified in a professional environment. Being turned into sex objects rather than colleagues. And guys like you who claim to be 'good guys' don't see this as worth reporting and even if they do think it should be reported, they aren't willing to do so if it may cause fall out for them (as illustrated in the earlier part of your post).