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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were invited to a christening with only one week's notice ....

143 replies

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 11:53

Would you assume you were an afterthought?

My DD is being christened next weekend and we have had a family drop out last minute, so we have space within the venue and catering numbers etc to extend an invite to someone else. I was wondering whether to invite my neighbours (a family of 5) as we haven't lived here long and I'd like to get to know them better. Would it look really obvious that they weren't originally on the invite list if I invited them with a week's notice? I don't want to appear rude or for them to realise they were an afterthought, so I won't invite them at all if it might come across that way.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
MumsMetHer · 05/02/2022 11:55

I'd be honest with them - you have limited numbers, so couldn't originally invite them as it was mainly family. But someone's cancelled and if they're free to come you'd love to have them celebrate with you. No gifts, just be nice to have them there.

Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 12:04

I thought of being completely honest about it but I didn't want it to come across as they were "plan b", iyswim! Blush

OP posts:
itwasntaparty · 05/02/2022 12:04

I think it's a bit weird to invite them if you don't really know them, actually really weird.

Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 12:05

Why is it weird? I have had a few brief conversations with them but I don't know them well - this would be an opportunity to get to know them surely?

OP posts:
PeakyBlender · 05/02/2022 12:07

That's really weird. I wouldn't go

BobMortimersTrout · 05/02/2022 12:09

Unless christenings are community occasions where you live, then yes, it's weird to invite people you barely know

itwasntaparty · 05/02/2022 12:10

@christeningdilemma

Why is it weird? I have had a few brief conversations with them but I don't know them well - this would be an opportunity to get to know them surely?
Because you don't know them, you won't get to know them at a christening when you're speaking to and socialising with the people you do know, they won't know anyone. Drinks in the garden or something, sure but not a christening, far too formal and just weird.
Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 12:11

@BobMortimersTrout

Unless christenings are community occasions where you live, then yes, it's weird to invite people you barely know

Well we haven't lived here long so I don't know, but it's a small village community yes.

OP posts:
NurseButtercup · 05/02/2022 12:11

Hmmm well they are an afterthought because they weren't on the original invitee list. I personally would only attend if I didn't have any other plans.

Womencanlift · 05/02/2022 12:11

Yes they would know they were an after thought and also they wouldn’t know anyone else there. You also won’t have time to talk to them properly if you are hosting your family. If that was me I would be sitting there thinking why am I here to be honest.

Get to know them at another time when you can concentrate on them

Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 12:13

Ok point taken, it's weird Blush I thought it might be a nice way to get to know them but perhaps not ...

OP posts:
FlamingoDust · 05/02/2022 12:13

We were invited to a wedding once like this, neighbours were honest as to why, and years later they are some of our best friends! Do it!

Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 12:14

@FlamingoDust

We were invited to a wedding once like this, neighbours were honest as to why, and years later they are some of our best friends! Do it!

Oh how lovely! Maybe I'm not so weird after all then 😂

OP posts:
FlamingoDust · 05/02/2022 12:16

You really have nothing to lose! Smile

Genegenieee · 05/02/2022 12:17

I think a christening is for people you know well so, if I was the neighbours, I'd find this weird.

Different I think if you were both members of the same church.

I think Inviting them for a weekend lunch or tea would be a better approach if you want to get to know them.

sandgrown · 05/02/2022 12:18

I was upgraded to a day guest at a wedding the dat before as someone was sick. The bride was completely honest and I had to go without my partner who came in the evening. I was on a table with very friendly people and I had a lovely day. Be honest and ask them . They can always say no .

RitaFires · 05/02/2022 12:19

I would think I was an afterthought and wouldn't want to go because everyone else would be close family and friends and I'd feel like I was intruding. That wouldn't be the case if it was a huge event but from the sounds of it this christening isn't that big and there wouldn't really be time to get to know you any better as you'd have to spend time with all the other guests.

Mischance · 05/02/2022 12:21

Invite them if that is what you want - it will help you to form good relationships with your neighbours for the future.

They are Plan B - so tell them that. Everyone knows that things are a bit different with covid around. Tell them how pleased you are that you are now able to invite them - positive spin and all that!

poetryandwine · 05/02/2022 12:23

It is a nice thought but I think of a christening as a more intimate occasion than a wedding. In your neighbour’s shoes I wouldn’t necessarily turn down the invite because it is clearly a gesture of friendliness, but I would find it odd. Another occasion or no occasion at all would probably be better.

Will you have nice leftovers? What about asking the neighbours around to share them? (We have had success with self deprecating invitations of that nature, eg to the neighbours the day after a buffet for colleagues in honour of a visiting lecturer)

RedskyThisNight · 05/02/2022 12:24

I also thought christenings were for people you knew well and wanted to be a part of your child's life.

If I was invited to one by people I hardly knew, I would think it was weird, full stop. Unless you are inviting everyone in the church/community - which doesn't sound like it's the case here.

sorryiasked · 05/02/2022 12:26

I'd be delighted if I was your neighbour, and would understand if you were honest re lateness of invite.
But I'm probably weird Grin

Imsittinginthekitchensink · 05/02/2022 12:26

Every kind of weird. I always think of christenings as family events rather than spectator sports. To invite strangers to a religious service to get to know them is most unusual. I'd refuse because I don't know you, don't want to go to church and think christenings are pointless, if you want to make friends asking them for coffee would make more sense. If you do ask and refuse they may well think you are crazy prefer a less intense first get together.

purplecorkheart · 05/02/2022 12:27

To be honest Christenings to be are for family & friends and not a event to get to know people. I personally would invite your new neighbours for drinks/lunch etc

Lollypop701 · 05/02/2022 12:28

Ask, be honest with them and see what they say. I’d be fine if you asked me in similar circumstances. They can say no!

Envoitrevisage · 05/02/2022 12:28

I’d be pleased if I was your neighbour, but unlike most of mumsnet I actually like events and gatherings.

I’d just say that you were limited to numbers but now have some space and if they’d like to join you for a get together after your DC’s christening they would be so welcome and you’d look forward to getting to know them better.