Page 5 | If you were invited to a christening with only one week's notice ....

christeningdilemma · 2022-02-05T11:53:06+00:00

Would you assume you were an afterthought? My DD is being christened next weekend and we have had a family drop out last minute, so we have space within the venue and catering numbers etc to extend an invite to someone else. I was wondering whether to invite my neighbours (a family of 5) as we haven't lived here long and I'd like to get to know them better. Would it look really obvious that they weren't originally on the invite list if I invited them with a week's notice? I don't want to appear rude or for them to realise they were an afterthought, so I won't invite them at all if it might come across that way. Any thoughts?

YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 19:46

@Catlover77

What's that got to do with the price of fish? I know a number of atheists who attend Church weddings, Church Christenings, and Carol Services at Christmas. Being an atheist, doesn't mean you are forever banned from entering a Church you know! confused

I know of no atheists who will attend a christening. Weddings yes, but absolutely not a christening

I went to one and felt very uncomfortable there was no accommodation for the fact there may be non believers present and we were all pressured into joining in with some dance moves that people would notice if we didn't join in. There was no welcoming space for the non religious observer and frankly they missed a trick as if they'd acknowledged it and said just join in with whatever you are comfortable with feel free to just watch people would have felt more at home.

Original poster

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 19:46

@YeOldePotato she will not have a religious upbringing. She will be free to choose whatever faith she wishes to, or none at all, if that's what she wants. As I said, I have chosen to have a christening for my own personal and spiritual reasons. I do not plan to impose any of my own faith and spiritual beliefs upon my child. I don't think that's healthy (my own personal opinion).

OP posts:

RedskyThisNight · 05/02/2022 20:04

I thought a christening (for a baby) was literally about promising to bring up a child in the Christian faith ? So not sure how/why you want a christening for a child that will not have a religious upbringing?

Marmm · 05/02/2022 20:05

@RedskyThisNight

I thought a christening (for a baby) was literally about promising to bring up a child in the Christian faith

? So not sure how/why you want a christening for a child that will not have a religious upbringing?

That's what I thought. Like. I promise to make this child go to church every Sunday until they make their mind up to ignore it and go and hang out by mcdonalds with their mates on their bikes.

Marmm · 05/02/2022 20:06

Anyway no don't invite the neighbours unless you've seen them at the church anyway when you usually go

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 05/02/2022 20:10

Sorry but no that's really weird. I actually can't put into words how uncomfortable and weirded out I would be attending a christening of a baby I don't know, who's parents I've spoken to on a few occasions with their family and friends who I have never met.

Stick to the neighbour etiquette rules and bake them a cake or something.

Original poster

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 20:32

@RedskyThisNight

I thought a christening (for a baby) was literally about promising to bring up a child in the Christian faith

? So not sure how/why you want a christening for a child that will not have a religious upbringing?

Not according to the vicar at our local church, it isn't. There are a multitude of valid reasons for a christening ceremony (his words), and ours are just as valid despite us not wanting to actively impose a faith upon our baby. As I've said, I'm not prepared to go into my reasons because they are deeply personal. But I have my own spirituality and my own valid reasons for the ceremony, and our vicar is more than happy to hold the ceremony for us based on our reasons (which are not the traditional ones).

OP posts:

Original poster

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 20:33

All of which is irrelevant to my OP, anyway ....

OP posts:

Original poster

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 20:35

That's what I thought. Like. I promise to make this child go to church every Sunday until they make their mind up to ignore it and go and hang out by mcdonalds with their mates on their bikes.

Ridiculous comment. And irrelevant to the OP.

OP posts:

mashpot · 05/02/2022 20:37

Sending your children to the doctor and school is entirely different as it is clearly for the child’s benefit.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 05/02/2022 20:41

They might feel obliged to go and to be honest, watching someone's child that I have no connection to, being christened, is about as exciting as watching grass grow.

I would just invite them to the 'do' afterwards.

ABitBesottedWithMyDog · 05/02/2022 20:44

after two years of on-again, off-again lockdown, I'd not assume that a whole family had formal wear suitable for a christening. My DC have outgrown everything like that, and I have gone up two dress sizes! So for me a week's notice would not seem long enough to get the clothes.

I would be happy to be invited, though. I'm not a devout Christian but it's a sweet ceremony.

Original poster

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 20:45

@mashpot

Sending your children to the doctor and school is entirely different as it is clearly for the child’s benefit.

What about sending my child to nursery? Or taking her to soft play? Or to a park? Or swimming? Are all these choices I make for her beneficial? If so, how do these things differ so vastly from a ceremony with family and friends present? That's essentially what it is. You're making out that I'm introducing her to a cult or imposing religion on her for the rest of her life. It's a ceremony that I've chosen to have because it has deep spiritual and personal meaning to me. It has no bearing on the way I will raise her thereafter and it certainly will have no harmful effect on her.

OP posts:

Original poster

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 20:46

@ABitBesottedWithMyDog

after two years of on-again, off-again lockdown, I'd not assume that a whole family had formal wear suitable for a christening. My DC have outgrown everything like that, and I have gone up two dress sizes! So for me a week's notice would not seem long enough to get the clothes.

I would be happy to be invited, though. I'm not a devout Christian but it's a sweet ceremony.

Very good point! Hadn't thought of that.

OP posts:

Dumblebum · 05/02/2022 20:46

Isn’t having a baby christened imposing your beliefs? They don’t have a say? Surely if you do not wish to impose your beliefs, then you do not christen the child and they then decide when they can?

By christening them you make them a member of the Christian church, that’s what a christening is, by definition it’s imposing your beliefs, as before the child can decide you have undertaken a religious ceremony and made them a Christian before they can have a say in the matter?

Don’t get me wrong, you do you, but I just don’t understand the logic?

Catlover77 · 05/02/2022 20:52

You are imposing your beliefs.

Original poster

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 20:54

@Dumblebum

Isn’t having a baby christened imposing your beliefs? They don’t have a say? Surely if you do not wish to impose your beliefs, then you do not christen the child and they then decide when they can?

By christening them you make them a member of the Christian church, that’s what a christening is, by definition it’s imposing your beliefs, as before the child can decide you have undertaken a religious ceremony and made them a Christian before they can have a say in the matter?

Don’t get me wrong, you do you, but I just don’t understand the logic?

Imposing beliefs on a 10 month old? She's doesn't understand any of it! You'd have a point if she was 5 or 6. But she's a baby. She is not aware of my beliefs nor her own. She will not remember the ceremony. She will not be psychologically scarred by a morning in a church with family and friends present cuddling her, and a little party afterwards. She won't even remember it.

"Making her a Christian" is not something that is going to follow her around and impact her life negatively. What does that even mean, to "make" someone a Christian? Faith and spirituality is very individual in terms of what it means to each person. If my child grows up and wants faith to be a part of her life she will have my full support, likewise, if not, she will have my full support.

I don't know how anyone can possibly argue that this is going to adversely effect my baby. They'd be scraping the barrel if they tried.

I'm going to leave this thread now as it's been derailed from its original intended purpose and it's no longer helpful. I'm not going to spend my time sitting and justifying my perfectly valid life decisions to strangers on the Internet. I posted for advice; I've had it and I've made up my mind not to invite my neighbours. I don't need to engage any further with this.

Thanks to all who have made helpful and relevant comments.

OP posts:

Original poster

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 20:56

@Catlover77

You are imposing your beliefs.

See my most recent post.

You cannot "impose beliefs" on a baby who is developmentally too young to have beliefs or even understand the concept of them. Ridiculous.

OP posts:

Dumblebum · 05/02/2022 20:59

Op, no one is saying it will adversely impact your child. Who said that.

You said you weren’t imposing your beliefs. People are pointing out by making your child a member of the Christian church you’re doing exactly that. It doesn’t matter their age, you’re taking a child who has no ability to permit or understand and imposing your beliefs, by going through a christening ceremony to make them a member of the Christian church.

I’m really surprised you’re arguing you’re in some way not. If making a child a Christian before they can consent is not imposing your beliefs I don’t know what is.

DappledThings · 05/02/2022 21:01

@ABitBesottedWithMyDog

after two years of on-again, off-again lockdown, I'd not assume that a whole family had formal wear suitable for a christening. My DC have outgrown everything like that, and I have gone up two dress sizes! So for me a week's notice would not seem long enough to get the clothes.

I would be happy to be invited, though. I'm not a devout Christian but it's a sweet ceremony.

Nobody needs formal clothing for a Christening. It's not a wedding.

Original poster

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 21:07

Yes but.... what in earth do you think will happen in this process of "making" my child a Christian? I'm not operating on her brain and irreversibly changing her for life. I'm not going to sit and chant at her her whole life "repeat after me, you WILL believe in God". I'm going to have a ceremony that has personal meaning and significance for me only, where she will be amongst all her family and friends, and then we are going to go home and continue being a loving (not practising religious nor cult like) family.

And then ...... what? Her life changes forever in some significant irreversible way? How?

Worst case scenario is, one day she says "mum why did you get me christened?". And I say "I had my reasons sweetheart and here they are ......". She says "well great but I don't want to believe in any of that". I say "and that's absolutely fine with me, you can believe in anything or nothing at all".

It's an absolutely ridiculous viewpoint that I am "imposing" anything, or brainwashing, or any other insane things people are trying their best to turn essentially a morning in church, and a little party at the village hall, into.

I'm out.

OP posts:

Original poster

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 21:07

That was for @Dumblebum

OP posts:

Flickflak · 05/02/2022 21:08

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Teeturtle · 05/02/2022 21:18

If a neighbour I barely knew invited me to the christening if their child, I would think they are completely batshit. I would be borderline alarmed and wonder if it were more of a cultish thing in fact it is that weird.

Christenings are for family and very close friends, people who have a part in the child’s life. Not randoms off the street because numbers are low.

Marmm · 05/02/2022 21:22

@christeningdilemma

That's what I thought. Like. I promise to make this child go to church every Sunday until they make their mind up to ignore it and go and hang out by mcdonalds with their mates on their bikes.

Ridiculous comment. And irrelevant to the OP.

I didn't mean it to be ridiculous sorry! I just meant I thought it was q promise to take them to church and Sunday school until they are old enough to make up their own mind that usually happens when they are teens and hang out with their mates. Then you're left with the very devout few who get belivers baptism.That's what I thought a christening was. Sorry didn't mean to offend.