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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were invited to a christening with only one week's notice ....

143 replies

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 11:53

Would you assume you were an afterthought?

My DD is being christened next weekend and we have had a family drop out last minute, so we have space within the venue and catering numbers etc to extend an invite to someone else. I was wondering whether to invite my neighbours (a family of 5) as we haven't lived here long and I'd like to get to know them better. Would it look really obvious that they weren't originally on the invite list if I invited them with a week's notice? I don't want to appear rude or for them to realise they were an afterthought, so I won't invite them at all if it might come across that way.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Catlover77 · 05/02/2022 16:34

What's that got to do with the price of fish?
I know a number of atheists who attend Church weddings, Church Christenings, and Carol Services at Christmas. Being an atheist, doesn't mean you are forever banned from entering a Church you know! confused

I know of no atheists who will attend a christening. Weddings yes, but absolutely not a christening

Flowersinamilkbottle · 05/02/2022 16:40

I wouldn't be offended and also wouldn't think it was weird. I would think my new neighbours are wanting to settle into the community and were being friendly. I would probably realise that I was an after thought, but that wouldn't bother me Grin. But then I am more used to the type of service that @Babdoc describes, so maybe I am the weird one!

RedskyThisNight · 05/02/2022 17:50

I know a number of atheists who attend Church weddings, Church Christenings, and Carol Services at Christmas. Being an atheist, doesn't mean you are forever banned from entering a Church you know

It's nothing to do with it being in a church and everything to do with the whole point of a christening being to welcome someone into the Church. Why would you attend an event which was all about something you didn't believe in? Weddings are different because people attend them to celebrate the marriage (which is also a non-religious construct). As are carol services, because atheists can go simply to enjoy the music.

ADisgruntledPelican · 05/02/2022 17:56

Lots of atheists attend Christenings because they recognise it's an important event for the people involved and they're capable of respecting other people's beliefs.

I wouldn't invite neighbours to a christening because it is usually limited numbers. A wedding is different. I've been invited to fairly new neighbours' weddings but there were hundreds of people there.

Floralnomad · 05/02/2022 18:14

@HelloFrostyMorning I reserve my church going for very close family , not neighbours that I’ve barely spoken to .

DappledThings · 05/02/2022 18:18

I'd be more baffled than anything else. Never known a Christening to be such a formal event. Just part of the the usual morning service with normal congregation plus a few additional friends and family then a little party at home. All of which would be very nice to invite new neighbours to. Sounds like you're going for something much more like a wedding which it does seem a bit oddly formal to invite near strangers to.

SpilltheTea · 05/02/2022 18:32

I don't like attending the boring Christenings of babies I do know, so I wouldn't come to a stranger's. Celebrating forcing a child into religion, no thanks.

strawberry2017 · 05/02/2022 18:48

I wouldn't appreciate it, having to sort outfits out and a present in a week would be a complete pain in the arse

Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 18:50

It's not formal, I'm not sure why people think that. It's just a catered buffet at the local village hall.

I'm not getting into the "forcing religion upon a child" nonsense. I'm not forcing anything - my baby is 10 months old, she has no idea what it's all about so she's not being forced into anything 🙄 As I said previously, I'm having her christened for my own personal and spiritual reasons, which I'm not going into on here, besides which it's not relevant to the thread.

Thanks to those who actually answered the question and shared their thoughts. I've decided not to invite them.

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 05/02/2022 18:51

I wouldn't invite people I barely know to a Christening . I also wouldn't want to go to a christening of a baby I didn't know or have any interest in.

PlanetNormal · 05/02/2022 18:57

I don’t do religion. At all. So I would be reluctant to attend a family christening, never mind that of some neighbours I barely knew. If I was invited to such an event, it would mean having a very difficult conversation as I explained my reasons for declining. It’s a definite no from me.

mashpot · 05/02/2022 18:59

A 10 month old baby can’t make a decision so you are forcing her to be christened.

Anyway, I think you’re right not invite them unless you knew they were the same religion.

DappledThings · 05/02/2022 19:10

It's not formal, I'm not sure why people think that. It's just a catered buffet at the local village hall.
I can't see something that has caterers and limited numbers for said catering as anything other than formal, even if it at the bottom end of the formality scale.

YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 19:14

Bit odd to invite them and at such short notice if you didn't explain I'd think it was a hastily arranged one because the baby was ill or something.

Catlover77 · 05/02/2022 19:14

@mashpot

A 10 month old baby can’t make a decision so you are forcing her to be christened.

Anyway, I think you’re right not invite them unless you knew they were the same religion.

Exactly! Forcing a religious belief on a child is awful
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 19:16

Exactly! Forcing a religious belief on a child is awful I don't think it will be forced on them by a christening ceremony. If the child doesn't believe in it then no harm done. It's what happens after that.

YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 19:18

I'm not forcing anything - my baby is 10 months old, she has no idea what it's all about so she's not being forced into anything well they aren't exactly rocking up at the church with their own free will but it's fine people make their kids go to doctors and schools

Wannakisstheteacher · 05/02/2022 19:21

I’d think it was really weird to be invited. I’d assume you were either short on friends or desperate for gifts tbh.

FlasherMcGruff · 05/02/2022 19:29

I think you’re right to not invite them. Christenings aren’t really social events to get to know neighbours. I’ve only ever been to very small ones with close family invited so I’d be really surprised if a neighbour or colleague I didn’t know well invited me. That might be cultural though - I’m in England but I know in Ireland these are big events.

Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 19:30

@YeOldePotato

I'm not forcing anything - my baby is 10 months old, she has no idea what it's all about so she's not being forced into anything well they aren't exactly rocking up at the church with their own free will but it's fine people make their kids go to doctors and schools

Exactly! How ridiculous. Funnily enough she hasn't made any decisions about her life independently in the past 10 months. I also chose her name, where we live, the clothes she wears, the fact that she has working parents, where she goes to nursery..... Look at me, "forcing" all these things upon my baby. 🙄

OP posts:
GettingThemFromHereToThere · 05/02/2022 19:31

As they're new neighbours, I think it's very acceptable to tell them that you were keeping it to family and close friends, but there's been a cancellation and you'd love it if they'd like to join you.

Shitandhills · 05/02/2022 19:33

@YeOldePotato @mashpot oh come on! Loads of people are christened but have no involvement in religion after that! I'm an atheist and was christened, has not affected my life a jot other than having a few people who give me presents on my birthday! It's really just not a big deal, the kids isn't being signed up to live in a cult!

Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 19:34

[quote Shitandhills]**@YeOldePotato* @mashpot* oh come on! Loads of people are christened but have no involvement in religion after that! I'm an atheist and was christened, has not affected my life a jot other than having a few people who give me presents on my birthday! It's really just not a big deal, the kids isn't being signed up to live in a cult![/quote]
👏🏻

OP posts:
Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 19:37

I know of no atheists who will attend a christening.

One of my closest friends is atheist and she's attending.

OP posts:
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 19:42

[quote Shitandhills]**@YeOldePotato* @mashpot* oh come on! Loads of people are christened but have no involvement in religion after that! I'm an atheist and was christened, has not affected my life a jot other than having a few people who give me presents on my birthday! It's really just not a big deal, the kids isn't being signed up to live in a cult![/quote]
I know that's my point making the child have a christening isnt that big a deal. If they grow up atheist it's not going to affect them. It's the religious upbringing that could (and I say could) do damage. And I speak as someone who had a religious upbringing and suffered badly when I entered my teens and started to question the one vision of the world that had been presented to me.