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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were invited to a christening with only one week's notice ....

143 replies

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 11:53

Would you assume you were an afterthought?

My DD is being christened next weekend and we have had a family drop out last minute, so we have space within the venue and catering numbers etc to extend an invite to someone else. I was wondering whether to invite my neighbours (a family of 5) as we haven't lived here long and I'd like to get to know them better. Would it look really obvious that they weren't originally on the invite list if I invited them with a week's notice? I don't want to appear rude or for them to realise they were an afterthought, so I won't invite them at all if it might come across that way.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 05/02/2022 12:35

@christeningdilemma

Why is it weird? I have had a few brief conversations with them but I don't know them well - this would be an opportunity to get to know them surely?
I think it's the expectation of them arriving with a gift that makes it weird
CrotchetyQuaver · 05/02/2022 12:36

I'd ask them.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/02/2022 12:37

@christeningdilemma

Ok point taken, it's weird Blush I thought it might be a nice way to get to know them but perhaps not ...
The thing is, how much will you actually talk to them to get to know them? Will they know anyone else? If its quite low key and plenty of time to mingle great but your strict control of numbers and talk about catering provision makes me wonder if it will all be a bit full on
Warblerinwinter · 05/02/2022 12:46

@Imsittinginthekitchensink

Every kind of weird. I always think of christenings as family events rather than spectator sports. To invite strangers to a religious service to get to know them is most unusual. I'd refuse because I don't know you, don't want to go to church and think christenings are pointless, if you want to make friends asking them for coffee would make more sense. If you do ask and refuse they may well think you are crazy prefer a less intense first get together.
Exactly this. It is about close family members and friends making a commitment to raise that child as a Christian (everyone attending says this) and support the parents. You don’t know these people- you are massively missing the point of a christening and sound like you’re doing it for the party. Besides, anyone can turn up to a christening service. They’re not going to stop someone entering the church. It is already a public event. If you want to get to know the neighbours and they already attend the church then just mention to them that your DC is getting christinaed on this day, and will they be attending church that day, if so maybe they’d like to also pop round for tea/cake or whatever gathering you are doing after. If they don’t attend church leave it Ask the, around for drinks another day instead
wanttomarryamillionaire · 05/02/2022 12:52

Id find it really weird to be invited to a christening by a neighbour I hardly knew. I definitely wouldn't go.

Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 12:56

I think it's the expectation of them arriving with a gift that makes it weird

😂 I literally have not said I expect a gift. I don't expect a gift from any of the guests, that's not why I'm having a christening. I'm having my DD christened for my own personal and spiritual reasons. I couldn't care less if she gets no gifts tbh.

OP posts:
bananaboats · 05/02/2022 13:03

I'd find it very strange to be invited to a christening by neighbours we barely know tbh and yes would assume I'd been invited to make the numbers up.

Wilkolampshade · 05/02/2022 13:06

I'm in the 'that would be weird' camp too OP. Not because of the notice, but because Christenings are really for those directly involved with the family I think.

Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 13:09

your strict control of numbers and talk about catering provision makes me wonder if it will all be a bit full on

It's not "strict control" ffs. The venue comfortably seats a certain number, and the caterers are providing food for that number. It's not about control, it's about maths and well, common sense. I'm not going to invite more people than can comfortably sit at the venue and be fed. Otherwise I'd have invited a lot more people.

OP posts:
kitcat15 · 05/02/2022 13:15

I would think you odd if you were my neighbour.....I certainly wouldn't accept....a christening is quite an intimate occasion ....why would you invite people you don't know? 🙄 invite them over for an evening if you want to make friends.....the thought of being at a christening function where I didn't really know the parents never mind anyone else.....now that too weird for me 😳

curlii103 · 05/02/2022 13:16

Is there wine? If i was free cant see why i wouldnt be pleased to come. No explantion needed, would be lovely if they were free but isnt gping to ruin your day if not

Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 13:18

Based on this I think I'm erring on the side of not inviting them anyway. More people think it's weird than think it's a nice gesture, so... I don't want them to think I'm weird 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 13:20

@curlii103

Is there wine? If i was free cant see why i wouldnt be pleased to come. No explantion needed, would be lovely if they were free but isnt gping to ruin your day if not

There's a bar at the venue but the wine isn't free. The food is though.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 05/02/2022 13:22

It would be a bit odd to invite them
Plus I don’t go to Christenings so they might not want to come but might feel obliged to

Monstertrucks · 05/02/2022 13:34

I hate it when I'm put in these situations. If you invited me in these circumstances I really wouldn't want to go but feel like I ought to because I was put on the spot.

lemongrasstea · 05/02/2022 13:53

I would feel word about being invited to a new neighbours family event and then obliged to go else appearing rude, but not wanting to go and socialise with people I don't know and their family asking 'oh, so who are you to so and so'..'er, well, no idea I'm a virtual stranger'. So awkward

Original poster
christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 14:01

@lemongrasstea

I would feel word about being invited to a new neighbours family event and then obliged to go else appearing rude, but not wanting to go and socialise with people I don't know and their family asking 'oh, so who are you to so and so'..'er, well, no idea I'm a virtual stranger'. So awkward

Confused What? You'd actually say you were a stranger? If it were me I'd just reply "we are their new neighbours, nice to meet you". I'm sure people are making this more complicated than it needs to be!

OP posts:
BuanoKubiamVej · 05/02/2022 14:04

I think it's an odd thing to invite new neighbours to. Invite them around for a cuppa instead, on a different day. Keep the Christening event to family and longstanding friends.

BungleandGeorge · 05/02/2022 14:11

To me a christening is an event to welcome the child into the family/ friendship circle/ church community. The neighbours are none of those things so yes it seems a bit odd. I’ve actually never been to a christening with formal ‘do’ afterwards though. It’s usually just tea and buffet at family house or church hall

ParkheadParadise · 05/02/2022 14:21

We invited our 5 neighbours to dd's christening. We are friends with them all BUT the main reason we invited them was that we had a large marquee in our back garden with a DJ for the party afterwards and didn't want them to complain😉
They all came and had a great time the party was still going on in the early hours.
Can't do any harm to invite them.

DrManhattan · 05/02/2022 14:25

Yeah I wouldn't go, they are boring enough and f0r a stranger as well.

JugglingJanuary · 05/02/2022 14:28

@christeningdilemma

I thought of being completely honest about it but I didn't want it to come across as they were "plan b", iyswim! Blush
2 years into the pandemic I think people understand limited number situations - even if you're restriction wasn't due to covid. I think if you say what @MumsMetHer at 11:55 Said.

Oh and pay no attention to the 'It's weird unless you've known them since Adam was a boy!' It's not. MN is just full on people who need to unclench!!

JugglingJanuary · 05/02/2022 14:30

@christeningdilemma

What? You'd actually say you were a stranger? If it were me I'd just reply "we are their new neighbours, nice to meet you". I'm sure people are making this more complicated than it needs to be!

Exactly! I live next door/across the road.. it's not difficult unless you struggle generally with socialising.

Enko · 05/02/2022 14:32

I dont think it's weird how else will you get to know them but by taking a chance

ChristmasFluff · 05/02/2022 14:43

OP, please bear in mind that this is mumsnet, where if you open the door to callers you are completely and irredeemably weird and far too pro-social for your own good.

I'm sure you will word your invitation in such a way that your neighbours are well aware that declining will not offend - that's kind of a given with only a week's notice anyway.

I'd go.

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