Page 6 | If you were invited to a christening with only one week's notice ....

christeningdilemma · 2022-02-05T11:53:06+00:00

Would you assume you were an afterthought? My DD is being christened next weekend and we have had a family drop out last minute, so we have space within the venue and catering numbers etc to extend an invite to someone else. I was wondering whether to invite my neighbours (a family of 5) as we haven't lived here long and I'd like to get to know them better. Would it look really obvious that they weren't originally on the invite list if I invited them with a week's notice? I don't want to appear rude or for them to realise they were an afterthought, so I won't invite them at all if it might come across that way. Any thoughts?

Marmm · 05/02/2022 21:24

@Dumblebum

Op, no one is saying it will adversely impact your child. Who said that.

You said you weren’t imposing your beliefs. People are pointing out by making your child a member of the Christian church you’re doing exactly that. It doesn’t matter their age, you’re taking a child who has no ability to permit or understand and imposing your beliefs, by going through a christening ceremony to make them a member of the Christian church.

I’m really surprised you’re arguing you’re in some way not. If making a child a Christian before they can consent is not imposing your beliefs I don’t know what is.

It doesn't make them a Christian though they have to come to God when they are older and make a commitment then. The christening is just the parents promising to try and steer them in that direction until they are old enough to hand their lives and be born again.

Original poster

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 21:25

I’m really surprised you’re arguing you’re in some way not. If making a child a Christian before they can consent is not imposing your beliefs I don’t know what is.

You cannot impose beliefs on a baby who is developmentally not able to have a belief system or understand the concept of the beliefs of others.

Beliefs are a part of human cognitive development that takes place something much later in a child's mind than 10 months of age. At this age, I could (if I wanted to) talk to my baby all day about my beliefs, and how I think she should have the same ones as me, and she would not have the foggiest what I was saying to her. She'd coo and gurgle back at me and say "mama". As she grows, she will start to form her own beliefs, and of course many of them will be influenced by me as a her parent (isn't that parenting?). For example. "No we mustn't hit anyone sweetheart", or "it's nice to share your toys darling"... etc. Thus I'll be imposing my own beliefs and values upon her about how to behave because, well, that's parenting - shaping who your child becomes as an adult.

But at 10 months, if I tell her she needs to share her toys? She'd have not a clue what I was saying. It wouldn't register with her. So why do you think a ceremony in a church and a party afterwards is going to register in her developmentally immature brain, as a need to believe in the same things mum does? Thus "imposing" my beliefs upon her?

I stand by my comment. It's a strange (and inaccurate) point of view.

OP posts:

campion · 05/02/2022 21:27

OP, didn't you realise that Christianity is, uniquely among religions, fair game on mumsnet? Some people queuing up to denounce your - perfectly reasonable - decision to have your daughter baptised like you were introducing her to the occult or something.

But to the actual question: yes I would invite them. It's a friendly gesture from a new neighbour and they can easily say no without causing embarrassment. I'm assuming they wear clothes and they really don't have to wear anything special if that's not their style. I'd definitely come if you invited me (I don't live in a village btw!).

Dumblebum · 05/02/2022 21:32

It doesn't make them a Christian though they have to come to God when they are older and make a commitment then. The christening is just the parents promising to try and steer them in that direction until they are old enough to hand their lives and be born again

I’m sorry but this is incorrect, the christening ceremony is absolutely to make the person being christened a member of the Christian church before they can decide, it is then confirmed when they are older. But it is one hundred percent to make them a Christian before they have the ability to decide for themselves.

UnsuitableHat · 05/02/2022 21:33

I wouldn’t be bothered about being invited in these circumstances- people will probably understand that your numbers were limited etc. I’ve been invited to 2 weddings at short notice due to drop outs, and was fine about it.

Marmm · 05/02/2022 21:39

@Dumblebum

It doesn't make them a Christian though they have to come to God when they are older and make a commitment then. The christening is just the parents promising to try and steer them in that direction until they are old enough to hand their lives and be born again

I’m sorry but this is incorrect, the christening ceremony is absolutely to make the person being christened a member of the Christian church before they can decide, it is then confirmed when they are older. But it is one hundred percent to make them a Christian before they have the ability to decide for themselves.

Oh. I thought they had to believe to get baptised

Stroopwaffle5000 · 05/02/2022 21:40

I would think it strange and that I was probably making up numbers (and they wanted a gift) I also wouldn't go as I'm not religious and would feel hypocritical and uncomfortable attending, plus bored to tears, but that's beside the point.

FredBair · 05/02/2022 21:46

A christening is meant to be a religious occasion for close family. I never heard of having a "venue" for one. Definitely not for inviting neighbours. Maybe you live somewhere where it's the done thing?

Having said that as an atheist my children were christened because it was important to my parents, I figured it could hardly be harmful.

winterchills · 05/02/2022 21:53

I wouldn't invite them either. I would find it weird if I got an invite. I'm quite friendly with my neighbours but even so I wouldn't invite them to a child's christening. If they have kids and you do around the same age I would invite them to birthday parties but definitely not a christening

Happymum12345 · 05/02/2022 22:05

Just ask casually -if you’re around next Sunday come along to my dd’s Christening. Don’t make a big deal about it. I think it’s a lovely thing to ask.

dizzydizzydizzy · 05/02/2022 22:27

Just invite then. No explanation needed. I'd be pleased to be invited.

Shitandhills · 05/02/2022 23:09

Sorry @YeOldePotato tagged the wrong person in that, it was in response to @Catlover77

ABitBesottedWithMyDog · 06/02/2022 08:51

Nobody needs formal clothing for a Christening. It's not a wedding.

Hard disagree. You shouldn't go to church dressed sloppily ever, but especially not for a ceremony.

The famously pious Corleones disagree with you, too.

If you were invited to a christening with only one week's notice ....

misspercy · 06/02/2022 09:14

As an atheist, I wouldn't want to go, and I'd feel awkward at how to communicate this to a new neighbour I barely knew. I respect your right to be religious and do religious things, but I don't feel comfortable tagging along given I 100% do not believe in the same things. Religion isn't something I want to discuss with strangers, as it will only end up in offending at least one party.

As a neighbour who hadn't spent time with your family, I wouldn't want to go. A christening to me is for friends and family you want to actively be involved in the child's life. I don't want to parent my neighbours' kids, and I'd feel uncomfortable at the expectation I might have to do anything more for you than occasionally take in a parcel. I like to be on friendly terms with my neighbours, but not involved in their lives.

I get that the intention was coming from a good place, but I think it's too much. I see you've decided not to invite them anyway, and I hope the ceremony goes how you want.

DappledThings · 06/02/2022 10:13

@ABitBesottedWithMyDog

Nobody needs formal clothing for a Christening. It's not a wedding.

Hard disagree. You shouldn't go to church dressed sloppily ever, but especially not for a ceremony.

The famously pious Corleones disagree with you, too.

I'm on my way to church right now in jeans and trainers as usual. If invited to a Christening at another church by a friend I'd probably put on a dress but a normal day one. I have no idea what anyone wore to either of DC's baptisms. If anyone wore jeans I wouldn't have noticed, if anyone wore anything as formal as what they would wear to a wedding they would have stuck out way more.

My church used to have a lot of baptisms during normal morning mass. The only ones who were dressed up to the nines were the ones who we'd never seen before or since.

Cheesechips · 06/02/2022 10:14

I would find being invited to a christening of a family I hardly know very bizarre. Would politely decline!

2022booklover · 06/02/2022 10:17

No harm in asking. I’d probably go if I had nothing else on (and could find an outfit).

Enzbear · 06/02/2022 10:26

Christenings are the most boring events on earth so I would expect only immediate family and a couple of very close friends. I wouldn't be inviting them and I would just decline if I was the neighbour.