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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were invited to a christening with only one week's notice ....

143 replies

christeningdilemma · 05/02/2022 11:53

Would you assume you were an afterthought?

My DD is being christened next weekend and we have had a family drop out last minute, so we have space within the venue and catering numbers etc to extend an invite to someone else. I was wondering whether to invite my neighbours (a family of 5) as we haven't lived here long and I'd like to get to know them better. Would it look really obvious that they weren't originally on the invite list if I invited them with a week's notice? I don't want to appear rude or for them to realise they were an afterthought, so I won't invite them at all if it might come across that way.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 05/02/2022 14:43

I have new neighbours, we've bumped into each other a few times and had a chat but I wouldn't go to their child's christening. It's just too personal for a first 'get together'. Christenings are about your personal religious beliefs and you have no idea what theirs are. It's for you and your family, not new neighbours.

Have you not got other friends and family that would like to be there? If not, accept it for what it is and what it's not - and it's not a casual social gathering for any Tom dick or harry to attend.

luckylavender · 05/02/2022 14:50

@christeningdilemma

Why is it weird? I have had a few brief conversations with them but I don't know them well - this would be an opportunity to get to know them surely?
Gosh no. If I were your neighbour I'd find that really weird and awkward. An evening invite to a wedding, maybe. But a christening is far more intimate and really for people who are invested in the baby.
MulticolourTulips · 05/02/2022 15:13

I think it's a bit weird to invite them if you don't really know them, actually really weird

I agree. A christening is a very personal occasion for those close to the child being christened. They might be atheists and hold strong views, or indeed strong views for any other reason/might think it weird as well. Personally I'd decline with the excuse of a previous engagement.

Winter2020 · 05/02/2022 15:17

Quote: "It's not about control, it's about maths and well, common sense. I'm not going to invite more people than can comfortably sit at the venue and be fed. Otherwise I'd have invited a lot more people."

...who would be next in line after the neighbours you don't know OP - the milkman and the lollypop lady? I'm only teasing. If there are other people (that you know) that you would like to invite then invite them and not the neighbours.

I think the congregation all reply that they will support the parents to bring the child up in the way of god or something along those lines .. how can they do that if they wouldn't recognise them in the street.

Invite the neighbours for a drink another time.

KylieCharlene · 05/02/2022 15:17

Christenings are for people who are close to your child.
Don't invite people you don't know.
Super strange.

Bumbers · 05/02/2022 15:20

Its weird.

I wouldn't even attend a christening of someone I knew well, as I dislike the idea of forcing a child into a religion. And frankly - attending a boring religious service is the last thing I would want to do with my free time.

Do you even know if they share your beliefs?

Bumbers · 05/02/2022 15:20

It's

Colderthanever · 05/02/2022 15:24

I’m sorry op I also think this is very weird, they hardly know you never mind know your other guests, how uncomfortable for them sitting in such a personal event.

If my neighbour invited me in this circumstance I’d spend too long considering how to politely refuse and also think they had no other mates and were really desperate as well as quite odd and I’d try to avoid them.

Just invite them round for a drink as normal folks do.

DisforDarkChocolate · 05/02/2022 15:24

I wouldn't be offended at all. As long as I had time to get a present I'd be happy. I love babies.

DoubleDeckerSwimmer · 05/02/2022 15:25

@christeningdilemma

Would you assume you were an afterthought?

My DD is being christened next weekend and we have had a family drop out last minute, so we have space within the venue and catering numbers etc to extend an invite to someone else. I was wondering whether to invite my neighbours (a family of 5) as we haven't lived here long and I'd like to get to know them better. Would it look really obvious that they weren't originally on the invite list if I invited them with a week's notice? I don't want to appear rude or for them to realise they were an afterthought, so I won't invite them at all if it might come across that way.

Any thoughts?

I was invited to a similar event on the day. The family were upfront and said they had wanted to ask us but were limited on numbers and now could as someone dropped out.

We went and had a lovely time. No-one can ever invite everyone they want, so it really didn't bother me. Can't be on everyone's A list!

HelloFrostyMorning · 05/02/2022 15:34

I would not appreciate being invited as an afterthought because others dropped out. I would class it as an insult, and even worse than not being invited at all.

Each to their own, and I am sure you mean well @christeningdilemma but inviting this family you don't even know - to try to get to know them better - to a family event is every shade of weird.

Don't do it. If you want to get to know them better. Ask them around for coffee or a BBQ or something.

LocalHobo · 05/02/2022 15:36

To me a christening is an event to welcome the child into the family/ friendship circle/ church community

Neighbours are part of the child's community though surely. Hence the quote "It takes a village to raise a child". I would certainly invite them if they are members of the church you are attending.

Floralnomad · 05/02/2022 15:39

If you are my newish neighbours , please don’t ask us we are atheists .

HelloFrostyMorning · 05/02/2022 15:40

@LocalHobo

To me a christening is an event to welcome the child into the family/ friendship circle/ church community

Neighbours are part of the child's community though surely. Hence the quote "It takes a village to raise a child". I would certainly invite them if they are members of the church you are attending.

Yeah that's fine to invite new-ish neighbours if they are part of the Church Community, and 'it takes a village to raise a child blah blah blah,' but the fact is that the OP couldn't be arsed to invite this family to start with. She is only considering inviting them because someone else has dropped out. Which (as I said,) is a bit of an insult IMO.
HelloFrostyMorning · 05/02/2022 15:42

@Floralnomad

If you are my newish neighbours , please don’t ask us we are atheists .
What's that got to do with the price of fish?

I know a number of atheists who attend Church weddings, Church Christenings, and Carol Services at Christmas. Being an atheist, doesn't mean you are forever banned from entering a Church you know! Confused

willstarttomorrow · 05/02/2022 15:46

I would find it weird because christening/baptism to me does not mean a party but a very personal event which close family, friends and the congregation join. I am not religious but grew up in a very religious family and find the idea of having one very odd if you do not embrace into the whole meaning.
Saying that, I have been to some held by very close friend's who have had very specific reasons for wanting to hold an event to celebrate their new child. If ministers/priests/vicars are happy to go ahead then why not? A close family member was a vicar and was been very pragmatic about the role of the church in weddings/baptism/funerals in a secular society. Their last parish did have a very pretty church thoughSmile. And it makes the church a bit of money.

Shitandhills · 05/02/2022 15:49

The issue here isnt the late notice, it's the fact you're inviting people you don't know to a very personal event. I'd think that was really odd, like you didn't have enough mates/family to invite and were a bit desperate.

Babdoc · 05/02/2022 15:55

There seems to be a lot of overthinking going on here!
In my church (Church of Scotland) christenings are just done during a normal service, and the majority of the congregation will not be the particular friends or relatives of the family. Often, we’ve never seen them before and never do again, but that’s another story!
The whole congregation take the vow to support the baby as it grows in its Christian faith. We have a hymn, chosen by the parents, the minister carries the baby round the church for everyone to see, and then we get on with the rest of the service. The parents and baby are free to leave or stay, and visiting kids are invited to join the Sunday school kids in the hall if the service is too grown up for them.
Your neighbours would fit in fine, OP. You could tell them they were welcome to join you for the bunfight afterwards if they would like to - that way you aren’t pressuring them, but are making a friendly overture.

HelloFrostyMorning · 05/02/2022 16:01

Not overthinking @Babdoc Just differing views from different posters.

People are not wrong because they have different views to you.

And you saying people are overthinking things, suggests you think they're wrong/are being dramatic/overthinking things.

AsymQuestion · 05/02/2022 16:05

You seem friendly and nice and your idea is based around good intentions.

I'm sure some people would be okay with it and go along. Do they seem like they want to get to know people better, made suggestions or do they keep to themselves?

For a lot of people though, as it's traditionally a very intimate family, close friends, god parents, church personal event that many would find it confusing/weird to be invited as a new acquaintance.

I wouldnt want to go at all personally, for multiple reasons. And I also am a miserable git that doesnt want to get to know my neighbours, I love the freedom of being on friendly but very basic contact.

RedToothBrush · 05/02/2022 16:09

Why not?

Its an odd time.

It might not have been appropriate to invite lots of people, if you'd sent out invitations pre Christmas. Cos covid.

But seeing as the situation seems much better, you might be inclined to invite everyone you even vaguely know or want to know to have a big celebration.

It depends in how you view life.

Lockdownbear · 05/02/2022 16:22

I think you need to think carefully on how you word the invite. Or it could be a bit I'm initiving you to make up the numbers.

How old are their children, are yours and theirs likely to play together as they grow up?

But i do get where you are coming from, as our kids have grown, my own neighbours have been amazing and dug us out a couple of holes, when the unexpected has got us, they don't know how much I appreciate them.

Shitandhills · 05/02/2022 16:24

@babdoc it sounds lovely that that is how it happens in your church but every christening I've ever been to has not been like that - it's been a smallish private event. The fact that in this case the 'do' afterwards is a sit down meal with limited numbers suggests this is a rather more formal affair than you're describing.

lisaandalan · 05/02/2022 16:28

Just knock and say, we are having a christening next week, if you would all like to come, so you can get to know us better and some more people in the village, you are more than welcome.
Balls in their court then and a nice invite if they'd like to meet people. X

lisaandalan · 05/02/2022 16:30

Don't worry what people think, trust your own instincts. X