Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irked by friends 'confidence'?

179 replies

stuffedcookie · 05/02/2022 11:34

One of my close friends is a really lovely person and has a lot of excellent qualities. She's also the vainest person I know and I don't know whether to be annoyed by it or to admire her belief in herself!

For example. She is constantly taking selfies. Whatever we are doing. We went out for a meal and drinks and I took pictures of both of us. When I take pictures she says 'oh my god I look stunning, can you send me them please'. When she takes pictures its just of her. She posts a lot on social media with captions like 'I know, I'm gorgeous'. On this evening out, I went to the bathroom and on my return she asked me how the lighting was, so she could go and do a photo shoot in the toilets.

Am I just bitter that I don't feel quite that confident in my looks or is she OTT?

OP posts:
HelloFrostyMorning · 05/02/2022 14:00

She sounds insufferable. I'd be binning her @stuffedcookie This is not 'confidence,' she sounds deranged, and rude, and awfully self-absorbed.

Do yourself a favour... Get rid!

HelloFrostyMorning · 05/02/2022 14:02

Anyone who tells everyone else that they (themselves) are GORGEOUS, is a bit of a bellnob tbh. Who the fuck does that? Confused

GreekGod · 05/02/2022 14:02

OP, i have very similar experiences with a wonderful friend of mine. she is very complimentary though about a lot of people and hardly ever puts anyone down unless yes, it is to do with her eg "I look better than her, don't i?" . However, i have quite forcefully had to stop her putting stuff that i don't want on social media. Recently, she came to our house and starting taking lots of pics by the pool etc and i did say to her "do not put those pics on your instagram" and she pleaded with me that it was a shame not to etc but in the end didn't. She also has a very high opinion of herself but she's not bitchy and at times, i have to say i really respect her for her extreme self confidence as most of my friends are the opposite ie they are wonderful but in fact have low self esteem at times. i don't think she's OTT - I admire my friend for her belief in herself

Hawkins001 · 05/02/2022 14:04

I'd say could you improve your confidence levels ?
As for the selfies, why not embrace them, as when your older it's something too look.back,

Onairjunkie · 05/02/2022 14:06

It’s so British it seems to scorn and be derogatory about self confidence. “How dare you think you’re beautiful you arrogant bitch?! I’ll show you.”

It’s like it’s deemed ‘indecent’ to actually like yourself. Confused

It’s so weird. I admire her. Also she sounds like she doesn’t actually care what other people think, and that’s really brilliant.

UserBot9to5 · 05/02/2022 14:07

Bit much alright.

I used to have a friend like this at school. She'd say things like ''I have beautiful eyes''. I didn't know what to say.

She was pretty but it was just like why did she keep needing to say it out loud. Especially when I was far more ordinary looking. She used to surround herself with more ordinary looking friends. I suspect I never gave her the amount of admiration she needed though as I had other friends and I valued them ranked on how much they made me LAUGH. This was the 80s and 90s. I value honesty, loyalty, being on the same wavelength and all sorts of other things now.

I fell out with that ''I have beautiful eyes'' friend. She told me what to do once and I did not do it.

UserBot9to5 · 05/02/2022 14:09

@5128gap

Has she suddenly become much better looking? Diet, hair, new style of dress? This happened to me a year or so ago, and honestly, I was like the cat that got the cream. I didn't go as far as your friend, but I admit that I loved looking at photos where for the first time I was pleased with what I saw. The novelty wore off after a couple of months though and I'm back to my normal self deprecating self. Though she sounds as daft as a brush, there is something quite nice about a woman liking herself. Makes a change from the self criticism that features in a lot of women's conversations.
Astute. I think I felt like oh God I could kiss myself when I finally stopped fighting my curly hair and had it cut short like an afro shape. Not afro because I'm white but I did feel a bit in love with how I was finally bucking convention and being different but yet more authentically myself at the same time. Shut me up now. Take the keyboard away from me!
Octomore · 05/02/2022 14:11

The thing is, constant self deprecation is not the opposite of always complimenting yourself / spending time taking 'stunning' selfies while out with friends.

They both involve seeking validation from others, they're not opposites at all.

People who are genuinely confident about their looks don't tend to spend their time taking selfies or seeking out good lighting for photo shoots imo. They're too busy enjoying their lives.

Octomore · 05/02/2022 14:14

I mean, if youre confident about something, you don't tend to devote that much headspace to it.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/02/2022 14:15

I dont know if confidence is the right word. To me, a truly confident person doesn't constantly need to tell other people how great they are, it's more that they expect things and stand up for themselves if they don't receive them eg they would expect to be heard and acknowledged if they spoke and if no one did this they would say something. If they were very confident about their looks they would already be assuming everyone thought they were gorgeous so wouldn't need to point it out themselves. There is something a bit odd though about assuming everyone wants to see a picture of your face, I think a confident person would take a nice picture and think they looked great, but a self obsessed or narcissistic person would feel the need to show everyone.

Either way though, someone going out for a meal with me but spending a significant amount of time telling me how great they are, taking pictures, posting pictures, disappearing off to the toilets for a photoshoot, would annoy me, irrespective of their reasons why. I'm there to catch up with them and enjoy some nice food and drink not sit back and watch them document out outing instead of being present and engaging with it all.

But I'm old fashioned about social media etc so maybe that's just me

giveyou2reasons · 05/02/2022 14:17

That would annoy me. Being happy or at least satisfied with your looks is good, but there's no need to talk about how beautiful you are all the time. Even if done in jest, that's odd and boring.

AuntMasha · 05/02/2022 14:24

Developing confidence is a good thing and we need more of it in the self-depreciating UK.

But truly authentic, confident people just do not behave like this woman.

bindud · 05/02/2022 14:25

It’s so weird. I admire her. Also she sounds like she doesn’t actually care what other people think, and that’s really brilliant.

That doesn't make sense, if she didn't care she would only be interested in her own opinion.

Bellyups · 05/02/2022 14:30

I had a friend like this. Constantly taking selfies. Any event is just an excuse to go up to randoms and take a selfie. It never bothered me before, I used to admire the confidence. But at a wedding in the summer I found it so self centred, self indulgent, weird and quite irritating. It’s like I suddenly realised how vain she is.

LadyGagagagaga123 · 05/02/2022 14:30

She sounds like a total prick

AuntMasha · 05/02/2022 14:32

Vanity is unattractive.

HelloFrostyMorning · 05/02/2022 14:34

@giveyou2reasons

That would annoy me. Being happy or at least satisfied with your looks is good, but there's no need to talk about how beautiful you are all the time. Even if done in jest, that's odd and boring.
This. ^ And yes to the other posts/posters saying similar. There's nothing wrong with being confident, and thinking positively of yourself, and being happy with how you look. But anyone who prattles on about how gorgeous they are, how talented they are, how amazing they are, how loads of people fancy them, how people think they look sooooo much younger than they are blah blah blah blah fucking blah, are just as tedious, irritating bores.
declutteringmymind · 05/02/2022 14:34

She sounds harmless but annoying. Maybe she loves herself because she can't rely on others to, but good for her for that.

5128gap · 05/02/2022 14:34

@Octomore

I mean, if youre confident about something, you don't tend to devote that much headspace to it.
Maybe that's true if you're just quietly confident and OK with something, so it barely registers, but people who are very proud of something in their lives, their careers, homes, DC, sporting achievements, fitness...i think they do think about them and would probably love to have a little preen now and again if it wasn't a social taboo.
HelloFrostyMorning · 05/02/2022 14:35

@declutteringmymind

She sounds harmless but annoying. Maybe she loves herself because she can't rely on others to, but good for her for that.
Nothing wrong with loving yourself. Telling everyone that you do, and how gorgeous you are, and how amazing you look on your photos etc, just makes you look like a twat tbh.
Butchyrestingface · 05/02/2022 14:37

When I take pictures she says 'oh my god I look stunning, can you send me them please'. When she takes pictures its just of her. She posts a lot on social media with captions like 'I know, I'm gorgeous'.

That's hilarious. 😂😂😂. I hope she out wanks dronesome men with inflated egos when she comes up against them.

But I can see it would wear thin after a while.

MyGlassKeepsLeaking · 05/02/2022 14:37

She's shallow and self-obsessed, by the sound of it. I couldn't be friends with anyone like that.

bindud · 05/02/2022 14:40

but people who are very proud of something in their lives, their careers, homes, DC, sporting achievements, fitness...i think they do think about them and would probably love to have a little preen now and again if it wasn't a social taboo

Is it? in my circle we would celebrate one of us buying a house, losing weight, getting a promotion, running a marathon, etc. There is nothing wrong with being proud of achieving something.
I don't understand how you conflate the above with posting photos saying I'm gorgeous.

5128gap · 05/02/2022 14:57

@bindud

but people who are very proud of something in their lives, their careers, homes, DC, sporting achievements, fitness...i think they do think about them and would probably love to have a little preen now and again if it wasn't a social taboo

Is it? in my circle we would celebrate one of us buying a house, losing weight, getting a promotion, running a marathon, etc. There is nothing wrong with being proud of achieving something.
I don't understand how you conflate the above with posting photos saying I'm gorgeous.

I didn't. I was responding to a post that said people who were confident about something didn't give it headspace. They do, as your celebrations demonstrate. Ive not said anything about posting pictures saying you're gorgeous. Though to be fair, it's really only a more explicit way of giving the same message as any celebratory photos, which are really saying 'look how slim I've become' 'look at the fabulous house I've bought' etc.
Notimeforaname · 05/02/2022 15:01

I went to the bathroom and on my return she asked me how the lighting was, so she could go and do a photo shoot in the toilets

Ah she's not the full shilling

Swipe left for the next trending thread