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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be irked by friends 'confidence'?

179 replies

stuffedcookie · 05/02/2022 11:34

One of my close friends is a really lovely person and has a lot of excellent qualities. She's also the vainest person I know and I don't know whether to be annoyed by it or to admire her belief in herself!

For example. She is constantly taking selfies. Whatever we are doing. We went out for a meal and drinks and I took pictures of both of us. When I take pictures she says 'oh my god I look stunning, can you send me them please'. When she takes pictures its just of her. She posts a lot on social media with captions like 'I know, I'm gorgeous'. On this evening out, I went to the bathroom and on my return she asked me how the lighting was, so she could go and do a photo shoot in the toilets.

Am I just bitter that I don't feel quite that confident in my looks or is she OTT?

OP posts:
BlueThursday · 05/02/2022 12:23

As someone who hates every picture of themselves I applaud her confidence.

So long she’s not dragging others down then fair play to her

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/02/2022 12:25

@Toanewstart23

Don’t know about confident

But certainly bloody rude and self absorbed

This. Totally this.
DinaofCloud9 · 05/02/2022 12:29

What a bore. People who go on about their looks whether positively or negatively are so dull.

Ionlydomassiveones · 05/02/2022 12:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Arabellla · 05/02/2022 12:32

She sounds fun and confident. It’s sad that self-confidence is so vilified in the UK.

Mercurial123 · 05/02/2022 12:41

@Arabellla

She sounds fun and confident. It’s sad that self-confidence is so vilified in the UK.
I doubt it's just the UK.
BeautifulBirds · 05/02/2022 12:41

Sounds insecure tbh. Constantly needing an ego boost.

MeSanniesareBrannies · 05/02/2022 12:44

@TheViewFromTheCheapSeats

Does she put down others? I’m more bothered by those who put down others to find their self-worth, if she’s just self-focused but otherwise pleasant to others it wouldn’t overly bother me.
I completely agree with this.
Chocolateis1ofyour5aday · 05/02/2022 12:45

Comparison is the thief of joy

Do you feel she's doing this to bolster her self esteem and for "likes" to impress her real life friends who she's sitting next to Hmm . If you feel she's doing this at the expense of being "present" during a night out with friends (self obsessed and lack of self awareness - Kardashianitis) I'd probably be gently taking the mickey or mute her on social media. Self absorbed people are very boring if all they can do is talk about themselves.

Ionlydomassiveones · 05/02/2022 12:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

SecondRow · 05/02/2022 12:56

Does she wear a lot of makeup?

What I mean is I'd see it slightly differently if she is celebrating her "look" that she has achieved with time and effort and is successful in creating a particular aesthetic – or is it her inherent "good looks" / attractiveness that she rates as above average? Grin

bindud · 05/02/2022 12:59

She posts a lot on social media with captions like 'I know, I'm gorgeous'.

I would assume that was sarcasm 😆

Notwithittoday · 05/02/2022 13:00

It all just sounds boring. I went out with DH a few sundays ago and there was a group of girls, dressed up in amazing outfits who spent the whole meal taking pics of each other and going around the restaurant taking pics against various backdrops, then all crowding around their phones to appraise them. It seemed quite a weird way to spend an evening. A shame really when they could have been enjoying each other’s company

bindud · 05/02/2022 13:01

It’s sad that self-confidence is so vilified in the UK

Self confidence is a good quality, I wouldn't say this is what's been displayed here.

Arabellla · 05/02/2022 13:01

It’s not about self confidence though is it? It’s going out for an evening with a friend and continually taking selfies and talking about herself. It’s all about her. How is that fun to be around? Self confidence is admirable, narcissism is not.

Sounds like she takes a few selfies at most meet ups, not that she takes selfies throughout the evening.

Saying ‘I look gorgeous’ is not constantly talking about yourself.

I’m an introvert with extrovert friends, this wouldn’t bother me as long as they are a good friend and a good person.

diddl · 05/02/2022 13:05

I think it's rude to be constantly doing selfies when out with someone.

As for asking what the lighting in the toilets...

Couldn't be doing with it, whatever other qualities she has.

There's being confident & being (imo) self absorbed & a shit friend.

bindud · 05/02/2022 13:07

Saying ‘I look gorgeous’ is not constantly talking about yourself.

It's a weird thing to do though, regularly.

In the same vein I wouldn't call it self confidence to take a photo of yourself on a a pile of money with a caption "I know, I'm so rich" or with your degree papers "I know, Im so intelligent". 😆

dworky · 05/02/2022 13:19

Here's the thing .... she's not confident.

hivemindneeded · 05/02/2022 13:23

Dull and self absorbed. I have a group of friends one of whom is an obsessive photo taker - selfies, food etc. Another absolutely refuses to be in any photograph at all, even a group shot around the table. Over the years the obsessive has given up and never bothers taking any photos of us out together. I love it. It means we get to concentrate on chat and each other and don;t have to constantly pose or ask waiters to take group pics. the evenings are so much more relaxed.

5128gap · 05/02/2022 13:24

Has she suddenly become much better looking? Diet, hair, new style of dress? This happened to me a year or so ago, and honestly, I was like the cat that got the cream. I didn't go as far as your friend, but I admit that I loved looking at photos where for the first time I was pleased with what I saw. The novelty wore off after a couple of months though and I'm back to my normal self deprecating self. Though she sounds as daft as a brush, there is something quite nice about a woman liking herself. Makes a change from the self criticism that features in a lot of women's conversations.

pasturesgreen · 05/02/2022 13:29

She doesn't sound confident, she sounds insecure. She wouldn't need the constant validation if she were truly confident in her good looks.

And I suspect lots of people are laughing behind her back with all those 'I know, I'm gorgeous' posts. Not a good look!

Arabellla · 05/02/2022 13:30

there is something quite nice about a woman liking herself. Makes a change from the self criticism that features in a lot of women's conversations.

💯 agree

AdoptedBumpkin · 05/02/2022 13:50

As previous posters wrote, she seems more vain than confident (and possibly not very nice).

Original poster
stuffedcookie · 05/02/2022 13:52

@5128gap

Has she suddenly become much better looking? Diet, hair, new style of dress? This happened to me a year or so ago, and honestly, I was like the cat that got the cream. I didn't go as far as your friend, but I admit that I loved looking at photos where for the first time I was pleased with what I saw. The novelty wore off after a couple of months though and I'm back to my normal self deprecating self. Though she sounds as daft as a brush, there is something quite nice about a woman liking herself. Makes a change from the self criticism that features in a lot of women's conversations.
No, but I think her unique features are perhaps something that she was teased for at school that she's now embraced.
OP posts:
5128gap · 05/02/2022 13:55

@AdoptedBumpkin

As previous posters wrote, she seems more vain than confident (and possibly not very nice).
She's certainly vain, but I'm not sure why you would doubt her confidence. She may be gorgeous and may well think she is. Loads of women are, just most don't see it. But its not obligatory for women to go around being negative their appearance, its just something we've been taught to do. Its a shame that what may well be a rare demonstration of female confidence is dismissed as the opposite.
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