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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be irked by friends 'confidence'?

179 replies

stuffedcookie · 05/02/2022 11:34

One of my close friends is a really lovely person and has a lot of excellent qualities. She's also the vainest person I know and I don't know whether to be annoyed by it or to admire her belief in herself!

For example. She is constantly taking selfies. Whatever we are doing. We went out for a meal and drinks and I took pictures of both of us. When I take pictures she says 'oh my god I look stunning, can you send me them please'. When she takes pictures its just of her. She posts a lot on social media with captions like 'I know, I'm gorgeous'. On this evening out, I went to the bathroom and on my return she asked me how the lighting was, so she could go and do a photo shoot in the toilets.

Am I just bitter that I don't feel quite that confident in my looks or is she OTT?

OP posts:

damelarue · 05/02/2022 11:45

She sounds self obsessed and quite immature.

Your friend isn’t my idea of confident…maybe more arsehole than confident 😂😂

Original poster

stuffedcookie · 05/02/2022 11:46

@CounsellorTroi

Does she get a lot of likes when she posts selfies with those captions?

Not a huge amount. FWIW her profiles are private and she doesn't hashtag to try and drum up further attention from strangers. She also doesn't obsessively check for likes once she's put something online.

OP posts:

SisterAgatha · 05/02/2022 11:47

I’d let her be happy.

Nohypocrate · 05/02/2022 11:50

Women who constantly take selfies are seeking validation. They are not mentally self assured.
Unfortunately it has become so normalised. I'd pity her not be in awe of her confidence.

Emanchego · 05/02/2022 11:50

I'd post this with the caption 'Hint hint 👀'

doadeer · 05/02/2022 11:52

I would say I am confident and content with my appearance but I don't constantly talk about it or take pictures of myself. I don't think that's confidence from your friend it's narcissism and very unappealing.

HollowTalk · 05/02/2022 11:53

I don't know why people wouldn't put if she did that.

Adeleskirts · 05/02/2022 11:54

One of my friends texted me yesterday “I look amazing” I texted them they were a twat in response 😂

I think it’s the Extreme vanity that’s the irksome part. The honest truth is I find it very insecure people who behave like this.

Mummy1608 · 05/02/2022 11:55

How old is she? Under 25 I'd say this is annoying and boring but not totally unusual (thinking about me and my friends at that age, maybe not that bad but that sort of thing). Over 30, most of the ppl I know have developed enough interests/personality not to be so bothered by appearance and social media any more.

If she's quite young I'd roll my eyes but not judge her too much, it's part of growing up, coming to terms with your image and how ppl see you

Original poster

stuffedcookie · 05/02/2022 11:59

@Mummy1608

If she's quite young I'd roll my eyes but not judge her too much, it's part of growing up, coming to terms with your image and how ppl see you

She's 30.

Yesterday she posted a picture with the caption 'as a little Friday treat for you all- a picture of my face!'. It's hard to tell if its said in jest!

OP posts:

jeanne16 · 05/02/2022 11:59

She sounds very boring imo.

Mummy1608 · 05/02/2022 12:02

Hmm yeah if she's 30 she probably should have grown out of these games. I'd hang out with her less until she gets tired of it!

Octomore · 05/02/2022 12:04

It's not confidence. Confident people don't seek validation and approval from others on social media in that way.

She's insecure and feels the need to prop up her self worth by seeking compliments about her looks. I'd pity that rather than envy it.

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 05/02/2022 12:07

Is her name Samantha Brick? She sounds both delusional as well as deranged.

Supertree · 05/02/2022 12:08

I'm not sure I'd consider that confidence. I'm confident in my appearance which means I don't think about it too much/comment on it/take photos to show other people that I look good. It seems more like insecurity or vanity to me. I'd find it really annoying. I think I would try to overlook it if she was otherwise nice and not horrible about other people's looks. I had a friend who was a bit like this but she seemed to see herself as in constant competition with any women in the vicinity. She once 'jokily' slapped me when she saw me looking nice because she thought all the men would look at me instead of her. I was with my partner, certainly not interested in getting leery looks from other men. And I remember her once starting a conversation with "I went out on Friday and I was the best looking woman in the pub, obviously". It wasn't a joke! Not a friend anymore thank god.

Traumdeuter · 05/02/2022 12:09

She sounds a little bit tedious but harmless really - as other posters have said, it’s a refreshing change from the self-deprecating nonsense most women have been conditioned to come out with all the time.

Octomore · 05/02/2022 12:13

Even aside from the insecurity that it displays, constantly ranking their appearance against the appearance of others, and commenting on how great they look, makes someone tedious in the extreme.

There is so much more to life than what you look like. So much more.

DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 05/02/2022 12:15

I can kind of imagine someone being like this as a sort of theatrical, slightly ironic, determined campaign to be overtly positive about their own looks in a negative, critical world. Perhaps especially if they’ve experienced a lot of nastiness from others in early life. Does that make sense?

If it was like that — kind of knowingly OTT for the hell of it — it could be sort of endearing, I think. As long as she was positive about other people too.

But otherwise, yeah, annoying.

ShootForTheBars · 05/02/2022 12:15

Someone is demonstrably happy about their looks = MN class them as self-obsessed /deranged/immature.

Someone hates their looks = MN piles in with support.

Why is it so awful to like yourself? And what kind of friend finds it annoying?

RockinHorseShit · 05/02/2022 12:20

There's confidence & self belief, which I would celebrate in any friend & then there is self absorbed.

Your friend is the latter & YADNBU, she'd give me the rage

pikapikapukachu · 05/02/2022 12:20

If she's not putting others down to big herself up, she's not obsessively checking for likes on FB or hashtag-ing everything, or getting you to agree / validate what she's saying about herself, then I'd just see it as an amusing quirk! She's happy with how she looks, which is lovely. Maybe, if she is "striking" as you say OP, she wasn't happy with her features when she was younger but has now learned to love herself?

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/02/2022 12:21

She sounds a riot!

Is she generally a nice and kind person? If she is then I’d just gently take the piss and take it in good part. It’s possible she’s very confident but lacking in self confidence/a bit gormless, or perhaps the vanity is a lack of confidence, just keep a little distance if you need to.

Octomore · 05/02/2022 12:21

@ShootForTheBars

Someone is demonstrably happy about their looks = MN class them as self-obsessed /deranged/immature.

Someone hates their looks = MN piles in with support.

Why is it so awful to like yourself? And what kind of friend finds it annoying?

I like myself and I am happy with my looks. But that's not what the OP is describing at all.

I don't talk about what I look like to my friends - because they know what I look like, and it's a really boring topic. We are rounded people who talk about work, family, hobbies, holidays, future plans relationships, what our friends are up to etc. instead.

I don't constantly take selfies or go off to do a photo shoot in the toilets when I'm out with my friends - because I'd rather enjpy their company than obsess over pictures of myself.

I mean, the photo shoot thing displays some serious issues! That's isn't 'liking yourself' - it's deranged!

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/02/2022 12:22

… confident but lacking in self AWARENESS is what I meant.

Iamtired123 · 05/02/2022 12:22

I used to be like this as a teenager and it makes me cringe thinking about it 😭

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