To ask what you’re doing awake post-midnight? Part 2: Insomnia Strikes Back

[5YearsLeft]

Bit awkward to start this in the middle of the day, but I wanted to be able to link it on the old thread before it completely fills. Meanwhile, even though right now it’s not post-midnight, if you’re having a day-after hangover from insomnia, feel free to post. Whether it’s from poorly children or babies or pets or OHs, whether it’s grief or fear or anxiety or other losses, whether it’s work stress or home stress or just LIFE stress, we get it. You’re not yelling into the void; you’re sharing with people who have been stuck wide awake, too.

Welcome to the after-midnight thread. If you’re awake for any reason, whether it’s anxiety, pain, grief, anyone in your household feeling poorly, OH snoring, work scheduling, or just plain insomnia, you’re always welcome to share here.

@Coroico97 So glad to hear things are going so well! Make sure you do take it easy and follow their instructions but it sounds SO promising.

@catwomando Glad to hear about a nice day of physio and an evening with lovely friends!

@Chichimcgee Yes, I do hope you’ve made it home by now. Just realized I wasn’t sure either.

And for those of you following… it’s becoming Why Vampires Dont Like Me: A Treatise by 5 Years Left. Sigh. I went and saw the doctor and thought, “Brilliant; it’s 9am so still plenty of time to get blood tests done,” but he said he didn’t want to try to fit me in the same day and “upset” the nurses (this is really the worst kind of planning ever - they should just schedule automatic blood tests with your appointment then). Because now… I have to go back TOMORROW morning to the EXACT same place JUST for blood tests. Seriously, just one door away from where I was. So damn annoying.

@Coroico97 wow, that sounds brilliant! What did they actually do? I’m sure you’ve told us but my memory is shocking ….
I’ve just realised I’ve been taking my gabapentin all in one go, when I should be having one tablet three times a day. What a Wally!

I'm back again. I have actually been awake each night, but I didn't feel well enough even to mumsnet. Now I'm feeling a bit better so I'm here! I managed to get out for a little bit today for the first time in a week and it was lovely. I just managed to totter from the house to the car and then about 100 yards from the car park to a coffee shop, but it was lovely. Tomorrow I am hoping to go to our local nature reserve. I will probably only get to the first seating area, but that's OK. We are considering taking a picnic so I'm in the middle of squabbling with DH over whether it should be egg sandwiches and a flask of coffee or a flask of Heinz tomato soup and some malt loaf. He'll let me win though, he's a good 'un!

@5YearsLeft this is going back a couple of nights, but I love a bit of Georgette Heyer! I have a biography of her life and during the first lockdown I set myself the challenge of reading it, pausing at the appropriate moments to read the novel she was writing at that point in her life, until I had read them all in chronological order. I really enjoyed it! I'm wondering if I could now do a similar thing with the Chalet School books, I love those too.
@Chichimcgee congratulations on the birth of your daughter! Iris is such a pretty name. It sounds like you had a shocking time of it though, so I hope you and your family are all safely home now.
@MrsGlum I'm sorry the zopiclone aren't working for you. When I took them, I found they were OK at getting me off to sleep, but didn't help to maintain the sleep, so I get it. I wonder if @5YearsLeft is onto something though and its the palpitations that need knocking on the head rather than the lack of sleep?
@Coroico97 how fabulous to hear that surgery went so well! Make sure you don't overdo things though.

@Confusedmeanderings - sounds like you have a nice day out planned for tomorrow.

I actually managed tonight to get off to sleep naturally for a couple of hours but here I am wide awake yet again!. I’ve resisted taking a zopiclone and had a Nytol instead. I find they give me around 2-3 hours as well.I’ll probably feel more groggy in the morning though.
I do have propanalol for the palpitations but again I really don’t like taking them. I’ve always been so wary of medications which is why i just cannot fathom why I fell into the trap of taking the AD med which has got me into this situation in the first place!

It seems like an endless cycle of taking one med after another to counteract the effects of a previous one.
I just wish i had addressed my original sleep and anxiety issues more naturally from the start.

@MrsGlum apologies if you've already tried this, or if you think its a bit woo, but have you considered trying hypnotherapy? I did once, for help dealing with a health issue totally unrelated to sleep. To be honest, I went into it in a very sceptical frame of mind. I absolutely don't believe that hypnotists can control you or anything like that, but what I found was that it did really relax me so that I could deal with what was happening to me. Just a thought.

We're away on a brilliant ski holiday, but to say that our bed is uncomfortable is an understatement! So whilst lying awake I've just picked up my phone and seen the Russia news...

@TokyoSushi glad you're having a great holiday. Best not to look at the news though ...

@Confusedmeanderings - yes in fact I had my first session yesterday!
I wish I’d done it before going onto the AD meds. I probably wouldn’t have any of the issues I do now if I had and would be sleeping soundly now. It’s all become a bit of a vicious cycle in a long and complicated back story.

Well( hello everyone.

I slept! Wooooooweeeee

Friend yesterday told me about the wonders of a magnesium supplement in helping to sleep. I thought of you all straight away, and especially @MrsGlum as it's not a 'medicine' per se. I'll deffo be trying it.

@Chichimcgee I've seen that you have another thread about little Iris. I do hope that you are both OK.

@5YearsLeft that hospital sounds a bit infuriating to say the least. They seem to be putting the nurses' feelings before yours. I'd be hopping mad if I were you. Fingers x for a swift and painless experience tomorrow (today actually!)

Talking of today what is everyone having for breakfast? As I'm up so early it's nice to have something to look forward to and I'm thinking poached eggs and granary toast with unsalted butter and a whole pot of leaf real grey. What's everyone else having?

Ok, I’m off to get my blood test finally! (After my doctor hurt my joints a lot while examining me yesterday, I just slept ALL day and all night - it’s been insane).

@5YearsLeft

Ok, I’m off to get my blood test finally! (After my doctor hurt my joints a lot while examining me yesterday, I just slept ALL day and all night - it’s been insane).

Lazy moo 😂😂😂😂😂

@Confusedmeanderings Oh no! That sounds a truly difficult week. I know it can sometimes feel like such a rollercoaster at an anti-park, so I’m glad to hear you’re able to get out a bit for the first time in a week, and the idea of a picnic sounds lovely!!! And remember, even if you only get to the first seating area, that’s farther than an absolute metric fuckload of people who didn’t at all so you’re doing the best you can!

@MrsGlum You know, this is where it really starts getting difficult, I understand, because now (I’m guessing?) you feel like you’re talking medicines to fix medicines, and if you’re used to taking nothing, it’s all so overwhelming. But, and this is just an off the wall suggestion, I would recommend trying the propranolol before bed without the zopiclone. For one thing, the propranolol is not addictive. It’s not a medication designed to lower anxiety that has addictive qualities, like unfortunately many anxiety medications do. It’s just meant to lower your blood pressure a bit, which is what would happen naturally as you fell asleep. And if it could stop you from waking up with palpitations, it might be a temporary solution to help you get regular sleep. I actually know a lot of people who have been prescribed propranolol first for palpitations, mild anxiety, and trouble with sleep, because it’s not habit forming, and mimics something your body does to relax anyway. So, it’s just a thought if you’re wary of the zopiclone.

@TokyoSushi Those chalets can be lovely, but the beds! Good grief. And then 9/10 times anything bigger than a twin is just two beds pushed together, ha. I do hope you were able to get a bit of sleep.

@catwomando Ha! I know, right?! I would have felt much guiltier about being lazy if I hadn’t felt so dreadful. Since COVID, I’m really having trouble with swelling, even including my tongue which is a problem (I have dents all around the edges from it swelling into my teeth at the moment). I slept through EVERYTHING. Unfortunately, that also means I missed a dose of my medication yesterday. Which is really not good. So I need to absolutely make sure I don’t miss any today.

And… they got blood out of me! Hooray! The woman who always manages to find a vein was there. And as usual, despite seeing 500+ patients since the last time she saw me… she remembers me because my veins are the worst. Sigh. I mean, of all the things to be famous for…

And thread is closed for the day, though we’re never really closed - come by any time you need support for being tired. It’s why the thread exists. We’ll be back tonight.

Hope everyone has a good day and that you are all ok x

@5YearsLeft congratulations on getting such a lot of sleep - unfortunate that you had to endure pain to earn it!
Thanks for the suggestion about the propanol at bedtime. I just hope I can get more than two hours tonight…
I’m feeling absolutely shocking today with this withdrawal. I don’t know how much longer I can do it…
I’m so grateful to have you lovely lot for company in the wee dark hours

Short night - woken up at 3.40 my CGM as my glucose fell massively. I'm not diabetic but am prediabetic so trying to reverse the damage. Then trying to stay awake enough so my glucose level didn't drop again.

Mini lamb doing badly. Bigger lamb doing a bit better but v low on energy. Also v stinky some come in for a bum shower.

Photo of them both in front of the aga.

@Wallywobbles Ah, sorry to hear the lambs aren’t doing so well. Pull it together, lads! (Maybe lasses). Though I’m sure they’re doing the best they can. AND sorry to hear that you were awakened not feeling so well yourself! Definitely not what anyone needs at 340am. What a rough night. I do hope you have a slightly better one tonight.

@MrsGlum I can completely understand that feeling of, “I’m not sure how much longer I can do this.” I wish I had a better answer, but about all I can recommend is just to get through this one day. You’ll go absolutely round the bend thinking, “I can’t do this for another day/week/month.” So, just think about the fact that all you have to do is get through today. That’s it. Maybe tomorrow it will still be difficult, I know, BUT maybe it won’t quite so difficult. Even 3% less difficult is an improvement, if you think about it. Maybe something will give. Still, you can’t do anything at all about tomorrow or next week or next month. Just today. If you get through today, you’ve won. BIG WIN! And then tomorrow, well, we’ll see. I know, when you feel so, so wretched, you don’t realize it, but one of the first things to go is hope. You don’t even realize that you’re losing hope that tomorrow might be a little better than today, because you’re thinking, “I can’t bear if every day keeps being like today.” And you’re already carrying the weight of all those possibly horrible tomorrows on you right now. So one of the most difficult things is to let them go. Just make it through today. That’s it. Nobody can ask anymore from you.

@5YearsLeft
You are spot on with the principle of living in the moment.
A friend sent me this video which perfectly captures it

Makes absolute sense but very hard to practice in the dead of night when all I can do is imagine how life might be now if I hadn’t taken the meds in the first place! And yes my hope is slipping away now when every day feels much the same as the one before, so the expectation is that tomorrow will be just as bad or possibly worse. But I must keep believing that maybe,, just maybe, tomorrow might be 3% better … What I will say is that this thread and all the amazing support from everyone here is the only thing keeping me vaguely sane right now. So thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️

Hello all. Thank you @catwomando we ended up home for about 12 hours and then back to hospital by ambulance.
Iris poorly and me poorly. We’re still here now, had mri, x ray, bloods @5YearsLeft literally every one in the hospital tried and eventually an anaesthetist did it using ultrasound to find the vein lol
Have another mri and ct scan tomorrow. Sending everyone love and good thoughts

Oh @Chichimcgee I’m so, so sorry to hear this. But, high-five for finding the vein using the ultrasound! Well, a very gentle high-five. I’m sorry you’re both poorly; seems just too much to deal with, and I’m sure you’re stressed round the bend about Iris, your son, and yourself. But like everything we go through in this thread… one day at a time. I do hope tomorrow looks a little better for you than today, even though an MRI and a CT are never fun. And my VERY most important advice, if it was that hard to get a vein: if it starts to hurt when the dye is being injected for the CT (you’d feel a sharp pain or a burning sensation), tell someone IMMEDIATELY, and by that I mean, actually yell, “STOP STOP.” I’ve had it happen twice (the vein blows, and the dye goes into your arm - not great times). I think it’s VERY UNLIKELY to happen since your veins aren't bad quality, just difficult to find, probably due to either dehydration and/or swelling (anyone who has had surgery or been in hospital ends up swollen to hell), but it’s the most important thing I know from being in hospital, even though I’m afraid it’s a bit pessimistic. If you’ve had any trouble with the IV since they put it in (they’ve made any comments about it being temperamental or difficult), you can tell them you’re worried the dye-injection machine will “force” it too quickly and ask if they can inject it by hand.

@MrsGlum That video is spot on. I think a lot of people have picked up from a teaching somewhere, western or eastern or new age or just “common sense” (which is never very common), that the past can be a prison, but don’t always pick up that the future is just as much of a prison. And when you’re struggling, when you’re in pain, when you’re going through something awful, the future can torture you - your fear that you don’t know how long this “thing” (pain, insomnia, grief, all the things most of us are going through on this thread) will last, that the future then becomes an indeterminate amount of time that stretches away from you forever and in that forever, you fear you’ll always feel the way you do right now. I got sick nine years ago and it started so small. With a sore throat that wouldn’t heal. And then it rolled along very slowly, and painfully, ha, and now here I am. If I could do anything differently in the past nine years, and what I’m trying to differently in the slightly less than five years I have left, is to still do happy things in the moments that I feel okay. To not waste the “okay” moments worrying that an hour from now, I’ll be worse again, and then I’ll have lost my short windows of opportunity for happiness. With a lot of the suffering that people are doing on this thread, we can’t promise that anyone will be better tomorrow. Or next week. Or even next year. Some people have suffered from insomnia for years. Some people drop in to comment and they’re suffering from a huge bereavement (loss of a spouse or parent). So all we can really do is say… there will be happy moments. The past can’t erase them; the future can’t overwhelm them. But it’s VERY difficult to find the ability to grab those moments… it took me nine years. Only now that I’m dying do I really feel determined to try not to let worry steal them from me, which I should have done years ago. And even now, some days I do better than others. So… some days you’ll do better than others. Some days you’ll fail. Eventually you WILL get better, because you’re not going to die of this, as horrific as it feels, and I’m sure it feels absolutely horrific. I’m so sorry you’re going through it. But as long as you’re not going to die, there is hope, and as someone who is going to die, I can tell you there’s hope even now.

@5YearsLeft you are packed to the rafters with wisdom. Thankyou for being so generous with it, it's much appreciated

@Chichimcgee bloody hell you are going through it. Lovely to hear from you though. Scans are a pain but can really help,to,get to,the bottom of problems quickly. I do hope you are all on the mend now, and that DS is coping. Bless him. ❤️

Hello and welcome to another exciting edition of the after-midnight thread. We never know if it’ll be a slow night or if the whole of MN will be suffering from insomnia, so either way, join us for tonight’s Thursday-to-Friday edition. Also… you’ve made it to Friday! You’re a star.

As always, whatever is keeping you up after 00:00, you’re always welcome to share it. Sometimes sharing makes a bit less heavy so you can, if not sleep, at least get some needed rest. If you’re awake and dealing with stress, pain, anxiety, grief, children or OHs or pets doing poorly, fears that are bigger at night, a work shift, run-of-the-mill insomnia, or if you’re awake because this is the only “you” time in your day - this is your thread.

Everyone is welcome except @catwomando who called me a lazy moo, which is completely true (so I suppose she IS welcome) I was asleep all yester day and night, feeling ill after my doctor’s appointment.

NEWS FROM MY BLOOD DRAW! Swiss vampires ARE that quick. Turns out my inflammation (c-reactive protein) is through the roof, probably why I feel so terrible. Every time it comes back, it’s a new record (though we’ve not cracked the initial record from when I was in intensive care - I figured we’d never get close to that; how wrong I was). So… this is a new, new high record is only four points off the time I was in intensive care which is… well, shite news.

Also, the movers are coming Monday and we don’t officially have a single box packed yet. Sigh. I hope DH has some kind of plan.

@Chichimcgee sorry to you and iris are unwell, hope the hospital can sort you both out so you can get back yo your new home.

@Wallywobbles hope the lambs both rally

@MrsGlum I’m so sorry things are so tough for you right now. Other posters have said very wise things which I hope help. I especially agree with taking just one dayat a time. You will emerge from this dark tunnel, you really will.

@5YearsLeft you should change your name to WiseOldOwl or some such. You talk such good sense!

@5YearsLeft I second the comments from @catwomando about your generosity and wisdom.
Your situation just highlights that we can never take future for granted.

So, i came to bed feeling really tired and planning to take a propanalol to see how far through the night it would get me. Stupidly I fell briefly asleep with phone in my hand only to wake up with a jolt an hour later. So I have wasted that little window of natural dopamine!
Anyway I’ve taken the propanalol now and will try to drop off 😴🤞🏻
X

@Tallisimo Ah, sorry to see you awake! But nah, the wisdom, if wisdom it is, ha, is just accidental from the cause for the current username. Plus I’m intending to have a tiny party every year in December when I name change to 4YearsLeft then 3YearsLeft, etc

Also, the Wordle for today absolutely murdered me! I only got it on the sixth try and that was with a wee hint from DH.