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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DS 14 study 5 days a week

142 replies

L0stinCyberspace · 05/02/2022 10:25

Is our study rota too much for DS 14 on a Mon Tue Wed Sat Sunday? 1 hour study max per day, 30 mins for 2 subjects on each day.

DS is very bright but very lazy re. study. Was considered "exceptional" in Maths by a teacher 2 years ago. Crams for all exams and still comes out with high marks. DH and I have noticed DS is disengaged with homework in the last few months and seems negative about classes, apart from 2 practical subjects. Spending nearly all his time online gaming when not playing sport that we bring him to.

His recent PT meeting confirmed our observations so we came up with a rota for study for 5 days a week. He has Thu off for music lessons and Fri off to chill. What do people think?

OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 05/02/2022 10:26

Why does he need to do all of that? Confused

Surely at that age they just do their homework?

Clymene · 05/02/2022 10:27

What for?

DiddyHeck · 05/02/2022 10:28

You can't make anyone study. If he doesn't want to do it he'll just go through the motions and learn nothing from it.

Chloemol · 05/02/2022 10:29

That I am glad you are not my parents

RagzRebooted · 05/02/2022 10:30

How is he going to cope when he leaves home and no one is telling him what to do?

PugInTheHouse · 05/02/2022 10:31

Wow, that sounds OTT. Does he want to study that much, does he have a specific career in mind that he needs really high grades?

My DS is doing his GCSEs this year, he's not even studying that much yet, when it gets to nearer Easter I would expect him to study every day.

MintJulia · 05/02/2022 10:32

YANBU. My ds is 13 and had the same issue. Now we have an evening routine.

In from school, change, snack, homework until it's finished. Absolutely no gaming/internet beforehand.

At the weekend, we agree what needs to be done on Saturday morning. Agree when he will do it. I set an alarm on my phone. If he doesn't do it, the router goes off.

No negotiation.

newnameforthis76 · 05/02/2022 10:32

I don’t understand. He’s 14. Surely he just has homework set by his teachers that has to be handed in by a certain time? Just make sure he does that. It doesn’t matter what day of the week he does it, provided he hands it in on time. What’s the point of making him study for an hour if he’s only got 30 mins of homework to do?

PugInTheHouse · 05/02/2022 10:33

What is he even studying anyway? I would insist homework is done before gaming but that's it.

Inspectorslack · 05/02/2022 10:34

How are you going to make him engage with it? Unless he wants to do it and puts effort in it’s just a pointless waste of everyone’s time.

itwasntaparty · 05/02/2022 10:36

On top of his homework? Yes, too much. What are you getting him to study's?

Copasetic · 05/02/2022 10:36

I don’t think the length of time of study is a problem but he needs to be self-motivated to study. Also you don’t say if his results have been affected by his lack of interest. You do say that he crams last minute and comes out with high marks. If this is the case, what is the problem? Do you feel that his lack of motivation will result in his overall results? I get why you care, and if your son is the sort who actually gets quite into it when he starts (like my 11 year old son) then perhaps it’ll work. For many it wouldn’t though.

SmithofSilver · 05/02/2022 10:37

@DiddyHeck

You can't make anyone study. If he doesn't want to do it he'll just go through the motions and learn nothing from it.
This. You can schedule it all you want but you can't make him study.
Copasetic · 05/02/2022 10:38

I had assumed the time was being spent on homework, learning for tests etc. If this is extra on top of homework, then I think it is probably too much at his age.

BuickMcKane · 05/02/2022 10:38

Agree with pp that you can't make him study. And yes it's ott.

SparklyLeprechaun · 05/02/2022 10:39

Yanbu. I'm amazed at how little homework they get in secondary school. One hour a day studying is nothing, plenty of time left for gaming.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 05/02/2022 10:40

I think you just need to get him to focus on doing his homework. Rather than a study schedule. Does he have a homework diary you need to sign?

PugInTheHouse · 05/02/2022 10:40

Cramming for exams isn't necessarily an issue, that's how I perform better, DS1 the same. DS2 and DH have to revise more regularly however neither would do extra study 2 years prior to exams.

DSGR · 05/02/2022 10:40

It’s fine if that’s his homework?

Onlyforcake · 05/02/2022 10:42

Students need to learn self motivation or they haven't learned anything

ThatsAllFolks · 05/02/2022 10:42

Agree they get little homework. I made mine study. More than that. He doing a Master's now. Still had loads of time for gaming. Still games in fact

Wannakisstheteacher · 05/02/2022 10:42

That’s insane. Why on earth would he need to do all that in year 9 or 10? All you are doing is stopping him developing the drive to actually learn for himself.

Original poster
L0stinCyberspace · 05/02/2022 11:10

OP here, I should have included that he never seems to have much homework and if he does, he's either done it in another class because he was bored, or it takes him max 15 minutes to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
L0stinCyberspace · 05/02/2022 11:11

And he has a homework diary that I sign and a school app where I can check if there's any issues with homework not done.

OP posts:
EatYourVegetables · 05/02/2022 11:17

I used to study / do homework that much or more. But no one was making me or writing my schedules.Confused

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