To make DS 14 study 5 days a week

[L0stinCyberspace]

Is our study rota too much for DS 14 on a Mon Tue Wed Sat Sunday? 1 hour study max per day, 30 mins for 2 subjects on each day.

DS is very bright but very lazy re. study. Was considered "exceptional" in Maths by a teacher 2 years ago. Crams for all exams and still comes out with high marks. DH and I have noticed DS is disengaged with homework in the last few months and seems negative about classes, apart from 2 practical subjects. Spending nearly all his time online gaming when not playing sport that we bring him to.

His recent PT meeting confirmed our observations so we came up with a rota for study for 5 days a week. He has Thu off for music lessons and Fri off to chill. What do people think?

Going what seems to be against the grain here but I don’t see a problem with it. It’s setting expectations of focus and attention, and I think it will put him in good stead when he does have exams he needs to revise for.

I think you're being quite mean, he has Friday "off to chill" what after school? But has to study on the weekends and the only other day off is for a different lesson. You cannot make someone learn/study it has to come off their own bat. If he's doing well why the forced studying anyway?

At that age your teen needs to take responsibility for their own studying, you can’t force them to study. They have an option. They study off their own back as they want to or don’t study they may muck up and then they have consequences due to mucking up the exam.

As soon as mine went to high school I took a step back regarding homework, they need to be responsible themselves. I support and assist but I don’t force them.

I think at that age, it's much better to let them motivate themselves. You risk destroying his intrinsic motivation by making him do more than he needs to do.

You say that he is very bright, that he is doing his homework and getting good marks, so I'm not sure why you feel that his minimalist approach is inadequate. Maybe he is just being efficient and strategic, doing enough to do well but not wasting more time than he needs to? That sounds OK to me.

We never told my dd when to study. There were phases when she didn't seem to be doing that much but she always did well so we left her to it. She came out with straight 9s at GCSE so clearly did enough.

If your ds is happy to go along with it, then fair enough, but if he resents it in any way, I wouldn't force it. The more you push him, the more he will push back the other way.

Urgh no. I know I would have been a nightmare if my parents had pushed this on me in my teens. I allow our teen to study as she sees fit, she's doing well and on track for the grades she needs in GCSE's this year.

Way too much. Just because you force him to study doesn't mean that he'll retain any of it in such an environment. You're doing this for your benefit, not his.

@L0stinCyberspace

OP here, I should have included that he never seems to have much homework and if he does, he's either done it in another class because he was bored, or it takes him max 15 minutes to do.

So long as it's being done and he's getting good marks, does it matter how long it takes him?

I often did my homework at school/on the bus and it never seemed to impact my grades.

@L0stinCyberspace

OP here, I should have included that he never seems to have much homework and if he does, he's either done it in another class because he was bored, or it takes him max 15 minutes to do.

Good!! If he's got it under control then give him a bit of space for goodness sake. There's much more to life than schoolwork particularly at that age.

@SparklyLeprechaun

Yanbu. I'm amazed at how little homework they get in secondary school. One hour a day studying is nothing, plenty of time left for gaming.

On top of homework it’s unreasonable IMO. School is pretty exhausting.

Besides I think if he values his learning he’ll start working himself when he’s a bit older. Or he won’t and he’ll end up doing something more suited to his temperament. No one made me do any extra work at that age. I’m a hard worker now because I see the point and I’m self motivated.

If his homework is done then leave him to relax. He’s 14 and potentially has another 7 years of study if he goes down the A level and university route. He’ll be burnt out by then.

I don’t think that’s excessive hours of study for a bright 14 year old - but he needs one day completely off a week - Sat or Sunday (he’s not just chilling on Friday, he’s at school and he’s tired because it’s the end of the week).

For now, I’d dump Saturday and keep the rest as you suggest.

You need to work with him on this though - he’s 14 so at the age where you have to negotiate with them. Talk to him so he understands why you want him to do this, and ask what he’d like to sweeten the pill - an allowance for games, a new bike, whatever.

BTW if he’s very attached to screens you need to build in some variety via exercise fresh air, which will also help his study and mental health. So I’d make Saturday about getting out to do some exercise.

I never did anything beyond set homework at 14...I went on to get a degree, and then into dental school. I think that's far too much pressure at that age.

There's always 2 schools of thought on this.

1 - you make kids study

2- you let them study the amount they want and learn for themselves how to work for what they want.

Often the second lot are the ones who cope better at college and uni.

I think an hour a night is perfectly reasonable. Lots of teenagers need an extra push to achieve their full potential.

YANBU. I'm struggling to get my head around the lack of homework he has! I'm guessing the school day ends at around 3pm? That leaves a huge amount of the day as free so encouraging him to get into the habit of spending 1 hr of that on his homework / relevant reading etc per day will stand him in good stead for the future. Plus he can fully relax & do what he wants once that 1hr is over knowing that he's already done a decent amount of work.

Sounds like he has it under control. You do know they learn all day at school?

There is a huge obsession with GCSE grades, most teens won't reach their full potential because they are young and immature. If they do well enough to get onto the college course they want first time then great, if not they will take a different route.

I didn't really study but got decent grades, I had no clue what I wanted to do at college so did rubbish courses and then had a think about what I wanted to do. At 25 I qualified to be an accountant. I didn't go to uni but took the professional exams whilst working.

Many kids have no clue what they want to do so it's really hard to get that motivated to study too early.

@SisterJude this depends on whether predicted grades are 4s or 9s though surely. If predicted grades are 9s and they are getting 6s or 7s then no issue at all, if predicted 4s and getting 3s then it's a much bigger problem.

Alternative point of view. My children are in an independent school, they sign in at 8.30 am. First lesson is 8.50 am. They finish school at 5 pm. They have lessons on Saturday until lunchtime and then matches/sport. Wednesday they have matches/sport in the afternoon rather than lessons. Almost everyone plays an instrument or has singing lessons, many kids also have Lamda and tennis lessons after school. They have 1-2 hours homework every single day.

I have name changed to say this - my daughter has a friend in a state school, she is out of school at 3 pm I think, no sports, no music and a lot less homework. The kids in the independent sector work a lot harder, it’s the norm. People seem to think rich parents just throw money at education without acknowledging the higher standards expected of the kids in the independent schools. Thankfully Christmas and Easter they have a month off and summer hols are 8 weeks. They are set holiday homework in some subjects.

I think your schedule for your 14 year old son is very reasonable. Frankly the reason we can afford school fees now is because we studied when everyone else was at parties. My dad was a security guard and my DHs dad was a policeman. My mum worked in a factory part time and DHs mum was a teaching assistant. No silver spoons.

Education is a long game so I wouldn’t pile on the pressure age 14 but an hour after school is sensible and your DS sounds very able.

I was "made" to study from age 13 to 18 for 30 hours per week on average. I physically sat in the room I was supposed to be studying in but mainly day dreamed:) not much work done

Former teacher, also former student who was rubbish at anything labelled ‘studying’ but got top marks. My question is not how long is marked out for studying but what the studying entails. Once homework is finished, is he working through revision books and practice papers or is it something more engaging that will actually keep his mind leaping to the next interesting thing? Does he read outside assigned texts? Does he follow current events related to any subjects he’s taking? Will he have a conversation with you or anyone else about any topics he’s studying?

Practice papers have their place in letting you know how to channel what you’ve learned into something you can demonstrate to the examiner, but by and large lesson time will spend a significant amount of hours on this. Reading and engaging with a subject in a wider sense is what teachers wish they could get into the course but they can’t with finite hours and set curriculum.

I would try to ease off applying a set time and instead look at the content.

I do agree with previous posters that overloading the weekend may be too much - there’s a reason why most of us would think a six day work week sounds exhausting. It’s certainly possible and plenty of people do it, but not many of them will tell you it’s easy or refreshing. Maybe the weekend study becomes an ‘if needed’ if you feel it is a good time for your family.

I’m back! Forgot to say OP if you can encourage his reading that will be hugely beneficial. Doesn’t have to be Dickens or Jules Verne, anything at all, tech magazines whatever.

My DCs are at a private school, neither DH or I studied at school, DH really struggled but we did as young adults so that's a load of nonsense. Their school is 840 till 345. No Saturday school and they still tend to do OK. 25% of the school have learning difficulties such as dyslexia also.

It's not a particularly academic or pushy school. They have a policy that they get no holiday homework either as they recognise kids need a break. They also give a guide on how long children in each year group should spend on homework each day. They say that if for example it has taken over half hour then they should not continue unless they desperately want to. Obviously it gets more and more each year.

How are you going to make sure it is quality study - not just staring at a book for an hour? I don’t think you are unreasonable, but I think you will have to do it with him. 20mins per day spent with him - you testing him on a subject or asking him to explain the plot of a book they are doing in English is worth 1 hour of him staring into space. I think kids would have more motivation if the adult shows an active interest in helping them improve. Maybe look up cool you tube videos for the subject together (works for science and maths) - there are some maths dvds for teenagers (Matt Parker I think - which make it interesting - bought these but have not watched yet). Do some maths challenge questions or puzzles with him.

But yes - no games until all homework done to acceptable standard (assuming he has no learning difficulties and is capable of doing the homework).

I would address the gaming addiction. If he is only allowed to play for a limited time each day, he'll need to find something else to fill his time.