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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect people I know to read my book?

464 replies

bethc765 · 04/02/2022 15:32

In October I released my first book. It's something I've been working on for a long time and something I've dreamt of since I was little.

It's been really well received, got a brilliant critical reception and I've had excellent feedback from readers.

But not a single person apart from my DH has even bought it. I was out with a friend recently and we went into Waterstones and I pointed it out and she remarked "oh i didn't realise it was a proper book and in shops and stuff".

I have a signing event coming up in March and mentioned it in passing and my friends seemed perplexed as to why anyone would want a book signed by me.

I support my friends with their endeavours so I'm a little bit hurt that nobody I know has shown the slightest bit of interest in something that was really important to me. I'm not even asking them to read it- just pretend they have!

OP posts:
IKeptYouLikeAnOath · 04/02/2022 16:09

I've got family members who read my book, and some who haven't, because they're just not readers, or really not interested in the topic I wrote about.

It would be nice if they did, sure, but I don't expect them to plough through hundreds of pages on something they'd never be keen on learning about.

TheHaka · 04/02/2022 16:09

@Tesoroxx

I write under a different name to my own. I would hate close friends and family to know they're my books Blush
Revenge is sweet eh? 😆
MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 04/02/2022 16:10

I have a friend who has written a few books and I have dutifully bought them and said they were great (although I didn’t read them all and it’s not my bag. However, she has now started writing poetry and it’s deep, reflective stuff and not great (a la Adrian Mole). She keeps putting on Facebook and I largely just click the like button and leave it at that.

tara66 · 04/02/2022 16:10

A touch of the green eyed monster?

InisnaBro · 04/02/2022 16:11

I write novels, and so do quite a few people I would class as friends (that I've got to know through book events and festivals), including my best friend -- and I don't buy their novels. I'm often sent copies, though. I don't review friends. I am two friends' first reader for anything they write, though, before their agent or editor sees it, which is an entirely different thing, in that it involves scrupulous honesty, trust and a willingness to give and accept criticism. (And can involve some seriously tricky moments, like telling someone that the last 30,000 words don't work at all, or that the way of writing a regional used for one narrative strand comes off as condescending, or the ending doesn't work...)

Actually, many writers' spouses don't read their work, at least among the people I know well. DH doesn't read mine. It's surprising how many novelists marry people who never read fiction. Grin

Which is a long way round of saying that while my friends who read contemporary literary fiction will read my work, I certainly wouldn't expect the others to. I can't imagine anything worse than thinking of them ploughing their way grimly through something that really wasn't their bag, just because I'd written it.

But well done on your first book, @bethc765 -- don't let the fact that your friends aren't readers, or are weirded out by the fact that you wrote and published something, take the gloss off.

Zezet · 04/02/2022 16:12

I wouldn't be surprised they wouldn't read it... but it is very odd for them to not know that it's a real book buying really published and so on. Reading it is a bit of a red herring - they should be proud you got the book deal and the good reviews and all that! How is that different from other kinds of personal pursuits that your friends ought to root for?

Congratulations!

Sparklingbrook · 04/02/2022 16:12

Congratulations on the book!

If I'm honest and my friend wrote a book I would buy a copy probably but I wouldn't read it unless it was about something I would want to read about.

VeryQuaintIrene · 04/02/2022 16:12

Congratulations on the publication, but I think YABU to expect others to be as invested in it as you are. It was nice of your husband to buy a copy - didn't you get any free author's copies, though?

Deliaskis · 04/02/2022 16:13

I think there's a big difference between being a supportive friend...being excited for somebody about a big professional success, feeling proud of what a friend has achieved.... That is expected of any friend and those who don't, or are negative about it, probably aren't very good friends.

That's different though to buying and reading a book. I don't expect friends of mind to be that bought in to what I do at work, to the extent I would expect them to purchase something and then devote time to reading it. I mean, I have bought craft things or baked goods off people who are starting a small business from home etc. but only if I liked or wanted them in the first place.

So I would be pleased and excited for you, but I would only buy and read your book if I was genuinely interested.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/02/2022 16:13

For a good friend I would buy it, read it, give copies as gifts, and try to spread positive word of mouth.

I'm wondering if you move in circles where publishing a book wouldn't be unusual, and so they are more blasé about it?

MarineBlue33 · 04/02/2022 16:13

I have bought books friends have written- whether to my taste or not - mostly self published books.
I do it to support them.
A book is a big thing- putting hours, emotions, so much thought process into them.
Can't compare to other services really.
For your book to be in Waterstones, that's a big deal.
Your 'friends' are being unreasonable.

EishetChayil · 04/02/2022 16:13

Ohgod I never read friend's self published books.

ElftonWednesday · 04/02/2022 16:14

Self-published is a whole different kettle of fish.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/02/2022 16:14

Btw tell us the name of the book!

stripeyflowers · 04/02/2022 16:16

YABU but as a writer (not yet published) I can understand why you are hurt.

However, if I do ever get published I won't expect them to buy it because I've already had an experience of that.

It's not quite the same but when I started my own online jewellery business no one bought a single thing and yes I was a bit hurt at the time. It was very low end in price - some pieces as low as £10, so it wasn't the cost.

In fact it seemed more of an insult as it was the exact type of jewellery I'd seen some of my friends wear often that they bought from other online jewellery makers.

But with time and distance I now think I was actually unreasonable to expect them to buy.

But more importantly - Congratulations on your published book! Wine

EricScrantona · 04/02/2022 16:16

What an achievement! Well done!

Yes, close friends should be buying a few copies but it's times like this we see a different side than expected. Saying that, perhaps you have been too modest about your accomplishment and they didn't realise? Perhaps also, they are jealous or not as supportive as you'd hoped.

Would you share a link here so we can take a look or is it too outing?

tickingthebox73 · 04/02/2022 16:16

@bethc765

In October I released my first book. It's something I've been working on for a long time and something I've dreamt of since I was little.

It's been really well received, got a brilliant critical reception and I've had excellent feedback from readers.

But not a single person apart from my DH has even bought it. I was out with a friend recently and we went into Waterstones and I pointed it out and she remarked "oh i didn't realise it was a proper book and in shops and stuff".

I have a signing event coming up in March and mentioned it in passing and my friends seemed perplexed as to why anyone would want a book signed by me.

I support my friends with their endeavours so I'm a little bit hurt that nobody I know has shown the slightest bit of interest in something that was really important to me. I'm not even asking them to read it- just pretend they have!

@bethc765 I hear you.... we have a largish business with 35 staff.... people constantly say (and believe) we are a one man band working from home.

We talk about our staff to friends and family, bits about the business, sometimes anecdotes about people who buy from us, and then people think you sell one item a month on ebay Confused

We get, "oh its actually a real business?" , "What, you have shop!?"

Lesperance · 04/02/2022 16:16

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

YABU. People have their own budgets, time commitments etc. It's great you are published, but I wouldn't expect someone to buy and read your book just because they know you.
But wouldn't you want to read a friend's book? I would.
Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/02/2022 16:16

What is with the angst over self publishing?

Some if it is junk, yes. But self publishing has changed a lot. The market has changed. Twenty years ago, self published usually meant crap. It doesnt anymore.

The Martian was a self published book, and now it is a blockbuster movie and the author was given a publishing deal for that and more. There are lots of other examples.

Self publishing is now a step towards bigger things and not just the vanity show it used to be.

IncompleteSenten · 04/02/2022 16:16

Maybe they're worried they won't like it and have to lie to you.

Or maybe they didn't realise it was published published and thought it was one of those self published vanity projects

What about giving a few of your friends a copy of your book as a gift?

Wheeloftime · 04/02/2022 16:18

@toastofthetown

You are being unreasonable to expect them to read your book, but I understand why you are hurt by it. If they are your friends they should be supportive of you, even if they don’t want to read it. Personally I’d dread it if a friend asked me to read their book, because I wouldn’t want to have to report back and pretend I liked it!
This really. Plus many people don't have time! But if I were you, I would be slightly hurt too. Depends on how close you are also. Be somewhat mysterious and cool about it when they ask, maybe they'll get curious. And definitely don't create an air of expectation.
Dishwashersaurous · 04/02/2022 16:18

Are you friends reader's?
Might be a silly question but I'm a massive reader, always have a book on the go, read 3/4 a week. Therefore I would be so excited to read a book by a friend.

I also read book reviews, discuss authors with friends etc and just generally am a book person.

However, I have colleagues who just don't read ever

MargosKaftan · 04/02/2022 16:19

I would expect friends to realise it was a proper book in a book shop, and that a signing might be a thing that would reasonably happen, even if they didn't want to read it themselves.

Forget that its a book, its something huge happening in your life that is probably taken a lot of time. Id expect a real friend to take a passing interest in such a big event, whatever that might be. Do they tend to expect you to show an interest in their lifes /issues, but not really care about what going on with you?

RestingMurderousFace · 04/02/2022 16:19

YANBU. People baffle me.

Sparklingbrook · 04/02/2022 16:20

But wouldn't you want to read a friend's book? I would

It depends which of my friends. I shudder to think what half of them would be writing a book about. But if it was about something that didn't appeal then I wouldn't. I think they'd understand.