To expect people I know to read my book?

[bethc765]

In October I released my first book. It's something I've been working on for a long time and something I've dreamt of since I was little.

It's been really well received, got a brilliant critical reception and I've had excellent feedback from readers.

But not a single person apart from my DH has even bought it. I was out with a friend recently and we went into Waterstones and I pointed it out and she remarked "oh i didn't realise it was a proper book and in shops and stuff".

I have a signing event coming up in March and mentioned it in passing and my friends seemed perplexed as to why anyone would want a book signed by me.

I support my friends with their endeavours so I'm a little bit hurt that nobody I know has shown the slightest bit of interest in something that was really important to me. I'm not even asking them to read it- just pretend they have!

A lot of (wilful) ignorance around books and publishing on this thread. (My hobby-business, outside of my day job, is book-related). Yes, there are some bad, boring, unedited self-published books out there and there are amateur authors who are great on self-promotion and not-so-good on the actual writing. But there are also some perfectly wretched books published traditionally and expensively promoted (think of all the dreadful z-list self-help books and, indeed, wossname the influencer's 'novel' that was written by some junior editorial assistant for her).
Some people start by self-publishing (or via hybrid publishing ie no advance, small royalties and do your own promo) and go on to do very well indeed. Publishers are often a bit limited in what they will accept and will turn down often very good books because they are too niche, or the topic is unfashionable/too fashionable ie there are millions of books about sexy billionaires or cupcake shops - or zompoc - out there at present.

But OP's friends seem to have been particularly rude and dismissive of an achievement she is justifiably proud of. One of my books was read by nearly all my mates as it was on a topic they were interested in, some of the others get asked about and often read (I have a habit of using FB for research, which tends to get them interested).But most people, surely, can spare a few minutes to congratulate a friend and wish them well when they have good news.

I have bought all the books my friends have published, I haven't read them as not my cup of tea but I would always support them. Actually one friend wrote an academic book, it was over £100 so I didn't buy that

It really surprises me how little support people tend to give each other. Over the last couple of years I have realised who true friends are due to how much they support me and my family. There is a massive difference between the support I have given them and what I get back (nothing money related just general support) and to be honest I can't be bothered any more.

YABU and putting them in a very awkward position, not only do you want them to spend time and give you money for your book, but what happens after they've read it?
You clearly care deeply about this book so how offended are you going to be if they don't like it?

Your keeness to have them read it sounds like it would put a strain on your relationships if they don't love your book which is a lot to ask given how much personal taste factors into reading choices, which would be a good reason for them to avoid it even if it was something they wouldn't typically live.

So many people on MN seem to regard friends as people you regard somewhere between indifference and silent disdain.

My rule is: if someone asks about one of my books, I kinda nod and say, "Yeah, it's on Amazon," and I'm happy to leave it at that. If they want to talk about it further, I say, "Well, feel free to read it. I'll send you a link." And then I say, "Don't worry - I promise never to ask you what you thought of it, or even mention that you said you'd like to read it."

I think often friends are reluctant to read your stuff in case they think it's terrible. So I give them the assurance that they won't have to tell me.

@PugInTheHouse

I have bought all the books my friends have published, I haven't read them as not my cup of tea but I would always support them. Actually one friend wrote an academic book, it was over £100 so I didn't buy that

It really surprises me how little support people tend to give each other. Over the last couple of years I have realised who true friends are due to how much they support me and my family. There is a massive difference between the support I have given them and what I get back (nothing money related just general support) and to be honest I can't be bothered any more.

So, does support equate to spending money? Because that is what your post implies.

Now, I agree that OP's friends seem entirely disinterested in her and what she has done. And that's really horrible actually. But I dont agree that in order to show support, they need to make a purchase. That isnt friendship. That's an exchange of money.

They're support should be shown by congratulating her, taking her out for celebratory drinks, maybe even shouting out on social media about how happy they are for her. You know, just being a friend. But saying that they need to spend money on something they may not have a personal interest in, in order to show support, isnt very nice.

@WalkingOnTheCracks

My rule is: if someone asks about one of my books, I kinda nod and say, "Yeah, it's on Amazon," and I'm happy to leave it at that. If they want to talk about it further, I say, "Well, feel free to read it. I'll send you a link." And then I say, "Don't worry - I promise never to ask you what you thought of it, or even mention that you said you'd like to read it."

I think often friends are reluctant to read your stuff in case they think it's terrible. So I give them the assurance that they won't have to tell me.

What is your book? I'm looking for new books to read. I'm a bit stuck

@WalkingOnTheCracks

My rule is: if someone asks about one of my books, I kinda nod and say, "Yeah, it's on Amazon," and I'm happy to leave it at that. If they want to talk about it further, I say, "Well, feel free to read it. I'll send you a link." And then I say, "Don't worry - I promise never to ask you what you thought of it, or even mention that you said you'd like to read it."

I think often friends are reluctant to read your stuff in case they think it's terrible. So I give them the assurance that they won't have to tell me.

DH says this is absolutely the best approach. He tells friends and family when he has a book out, but that's it. His friends know his name and they are capable of shopping in a bookshop or online for it if they want to do so !

If one of them chose to buy a copy, he'd be delighted, and would say 'thanks very much, I hope you enjoy it' or words to that effect, but wouldn't bring it up beyond that unless they wanted to talk about it further.

"So, does support equate to spending money? Because that is what your post implies.

Now, I agree that OP's friends seem entirely disinterested in her and what she has done. And that's really horrible actually. But I dont agree that in order to show support, they need to make a purchase. That isnt friendship. That's an exchange of money.

They're support should be shown by congratulating her, taking her out for celebratory drinks, maybe even shouting out on social media about how happy they are for her. You know, just being a friend. But saying that they need to spend money on something they may not have a personal interest in, in order to show support, isnt very nice."

I totally agree with this. Support - yes. Be there to celebrate etc, acknowledge the hard work, absolutely.

But I do find it strange that the support is supposed to extend to buying the book. A few posters have said that they would even if it sat gathering dust unread, as that's what friends do. I disagree. You can be supportive but not buy or read the book. Friendship doesn't come with a price tag.

Oh no!
That should have been their super, not they're support.
Oops.

@Itsalmostanaccessory

Oh no! That should have been their super, not they're support. Oops.

Support! I need to go and find my glasses.

I would definitely try and read a book that a friend had written.

@tigger1001

"So, does support equate to spending money? Because that is what your post implies.

Now, I agree that OP's friends seem entirely disinterested in her and what she has done. And that's really horrible actually. But I dont agree that in order to show support, they need to make a purchase. That isnt friendship. That's an exchange of money.

They're support should be shown by congratulating her, taking her out for celebratory drinks, maybe even shouting out on social media about how happy they are for her. You know, just being a friend. But saying that they need to spend money on something they may not have a personal interest in, in order to show support, isnt very nice."

I totally agree with this. Support - yes. Be there to celebrate etc, acknowledge the hard work, absolutely.

But I do find it strange that the support is supposed to extend to buying the book. A few posters have said that they would even if it sat gathering dust unread, as that's what friends do. I disagree. You can be supportive but not buy or read the book. Friendship doesn't come with a price tag.

And honestly, it’s not even clear her friends have been ‘indifferent’ — the OP has just said they didn’t buy her book, and that one expressed surprise it was a physical book stocked in a bookshop chain (which may simply be because they assumed it was self-published and only on Kindle), and that they seem a bit bemused by the fact that she’s having a ‘signing’.

I think I’d be a bit bemused too — unless the OP is some kind of celebrity, a ‘signing’ would be an unusual event for a debut author . It would be more likely to be a reading, maybe grouped with some other local debuts, or maybe a launch. I was at a local Waterstones’ last week, and there was an ‘in conversation with’ between two major local authors (careers of 40 years plus, multi-award-winning) and even then, I don’t think more than 20 or so people bought their new books to have signed.

We don’t know that the friends haven’t congratulated her and been nice about her book.

I used to write regularly for a magazine. The first few I was very excited about and begged everyone I knew to read them (no idea if they did!) but after 50 odd articles, I really didn't mind. In fact if someone said 'that was a good/shit/alright/what were you thinking article', I'd be quite surprised - I wasn't writing for friends and family, I was writing for people who may be interested in the subjects.

Do you get free books when you self publish?
That can't be right as if you are paying for your work to be published you would be paying for those 'free' copies too

OK, lots of bookshops (including branches of Waterstones) will happily allow a local author to come in and sign books. If the shop manager is savvy, they will often try to invite two or three authors at the same time and make a little event of it (though this can often be a headache for the shop if one author is a drama llama and another prone to jealousy...)
But the other Big Thing these days, especially for indie and self-published authors, is the Signing Event, which usually takes place in a hotel ballroom or other tourist attraction and involves multiple authors selling their own work. I have done a few of these, some are great and some are bloody awful. It may well be that this is what OP means.

Those of you who actually like reading and don't despise authors might like to toddle along to one such signing.

I would certainly buy a book written by a close friend, but I guess it depends if you're a keen reader. My sister has had several novels published, and two were longlisted for the Booker Prize. I obviously read them all, as did DH, but two of my grownup kids have never read any of them. That did surprise me.

Quite few people in this thread mention they are published authors, including OP- but no links to any work at all. Fantacists?

@Silvershroud

Self promotion is not allowed in mumsent. We would be deleted and maybe banned by MNHQ.

@Silvershroud

Quite few people in this thread mention they are published authors, including OP- but no links to any work at all. Fantacists?

Why would we want our names and work matched up with our Mumsnet usernames? I chat all kinds of stuff on here on the basis that it’s anonymous. Link to my books is about as outing as it gets. Could change my username but not especially interested in linking my writing work to my use of Mumsnet: separation of church and state and all that.

Congratulations on being published!

I'm a creative and very very few of my family or friends pay any attention to my work. At first this was upsetting as I feel so passionately about my work that I thought family and friends would be equally interested. But they're not. They don't totally ignore it -they ask in very general terms how things are, but that's it.

I take the approach now that they wouldn't be interested in my work if I had an office job (and when I did have an office based job, they weren't interested). The friends I have made as part of my work do share in my passion and take interest in what I do - that's where I get my support.

@Silvershroud

Quite few people in this thread mention they are published authors, including OP- but no links to any work at all. Fantacists?

No but would be pretty outing.

@Silvershroud

Quite few people in this thread mention they are published authors, including OP- but no links to any work at all. Fantacists?

It'd kinda blow the cherished anonymity of MN to link to one's book, wouldn't it?

And, just to give support to my claim of being a writer, that's 'fantasists'.

YANBU. My friend has written a local history book. I haven’t read it but I absolutely bought it, went to the signing and got a selfie! And I have had a look at the pictures!
I’m proud of him and it’s important to him so why wouldn’t I?!

Well done OP. How exciting for your book to be in Waterstones!

Exactly @DPotter . I'm good at my job and earn a decent living from it, but it's pretty boring even to me so I don't assume people want to hear about it, or indeed chip in for my salary. I would expect general congratulations if I got a promotion or mentioned a special achievement, but no more than that.

There's a huge difference between being supportive which to me is saying the right thing and being happy for someone else's success and feeling obliged to buy a book or whatever the person's business happens to be.