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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect people I know to read my book?

464 replies

bethc765 · 04/02/2022 15:32

In October I released my first book. It's something I've been working on for a long time and something I've dreamt of since I was little.

It's been really well received, got a brilliant critical reception and I've had excellent feedback from readers.

But not a single person apart from my DH has even bought it. I was out with a friend recently and we went into Waterstones and I pointed it out and she remarked "oh i didn't realise it was a proper book and in shops and stuff".

I have a signing event coming up in March and mentioned it in passing and my friends seemed perplexed as to why anyone would want a book signed by me.

I support my friends with their endeavours so I'm a little bit hurt that nobody I know has shown the slightest bit of interest in something that was really important to me. I'm not even asking them to read it- just pretend they have!

OP posts:
violetmonster · 04/02/2022 15:59

@GlitteriestFluff

Your DH bought it???

This post is a bit humble-brag. I'm guessing OP is less humble in real life.

Cos otherwise, surely friends would support you at your signing at least? But if you are the sort of person who doesn't give your DH a freebie....

You are in bookshops, OP, is that not validation enough?

Maybe her husband wanted to buy it to support his wife?
FuzzyPuffling · 04/02/2022 15:59

My late father was a well-published and well-respected writer. I have read two of his books - one because it was "expected" of me and one because I wanted to know if I'd have anything I wanted to ask him before he died. I didn't.

It was difficult to read his books; I was wondering "does he really think that?" and finding little family sayings and doings throughout which was very disconcerting. Apparently it's very common in author's families not to read their books.

It's your book. Not their duty.

merryhouse · 04/02/2022 15:59

I think it's a bit mean.

The man down the road from me had a book published in 2020, and we had champagne and strawberries on the front lawn and everyone said they'd read it (which reminds me... I must get hold of it Grin)

I bought our vicar's history of Christianity.

In my twenties I sought out a book of short stories written by a friend I hadn't seen for ten years - and it wasn't really to my taste. Her later academic tome is on my TBR list, when I've actually read something by the subject!

...though to be honest, in your shoes I'd have bought everyone a copy for Christmas Grin

SNUG2022 · 04/02/2022 16:00

YANBU I would definitely read your book! Ricky Gervais, who I love, said he'd never read his partner's books and I thought he was a right wanker for that.

thepeopleversuswork · 04/02/2022 16:00

On the fence about this. I would expect your friends to be supportive and praise you and those who are interested in reading should read it, yes.

On the other hand, it can become a bit dominating. I have an old friend who is an author and who basically only talks about her books. When I meet up with her (which isn't very often) she literally only talks about them. And she treats her social media as one non-stop promotional tool. TBH its pretty offputting. It's got to the point where it is literally the only topic of conversation: I feel like she is just using her friends to pimp her books all the time and its made me switch off from it and from her. I haven't read the last 2 or 3 books because I'm exhausted by it.

I think with a first book its totally reasonable to be really excited and to expect your friends to share that excitement to a certain degree, but be careful about boring people with it or treating your social circle like free PR.

SpinsForGin · 04/02/2022 16:00

@Triphazards

What has your writing a book got to do with your friends?
Really? Do you not support your friends endeavours?

My friend has just set up their own business. It's not something I will ever need to use but I was there at the opening, I'm sharing the hell out of her social media posts and I've taken business cards and flyers to give to people.
I want her to be successful and I'm proud of her .

shinynewapple22 · 04/02/2022 16:00

What's your book called ?

DrFoxtrot · 04/02/2022 16:01

YANBU - I would buy a close friends book as a souvenir even if I didn't admit to them I wouldn't read it. I probably would read it though.

I've even bought books written by my patients when they've told me about them. And I've read them Grin

Workconundrummergirl · 04/02/2022 16:02

I an understand why not everyone would want to buy it but they could at least show interest. "oh its a proper book" is pretty condescending.
Congratulations

TeeBee · 04/02/2022 16:02

Someone quite close to our family published a book. Thing is, he sprouts a lot of shite in real life, I certainly don't want to sit and read it too. He gave us all a free copy...I still haven't read it.

Do you have anything important/interesting to say in your book?

psychomath · 04/02/2022 16:02

@theleafandnotthetree would you also feel it was your duty to support a friend by playing a video game they had a major part in designing (if you weren't fan of gaming), or going to watch their weird experimental monologue that lasted ten hours, or anything else you weren't particularly interested in that took just as long? I probably would read a friend's book because I like reading but not everyone does.

Triphazards · 04/02/2022 16:02

@ClumpingBambooIsALie

I would avoid reading a book specifically because it was written by a close friend/family member. What if it's got a sex scene in it?!! Grin
A geography teacher (bearded) at my old school wrote an unbelievably bad, long, action novel with sex scenes.

The girth of this lorry driver's male member was exceptional, apparently.

stuntbubbles · 04/02/2022 16:02

@Floralnomad Oh, I wouldn’t! I don’t expect my friends to buy my books. But nor do I expect them to want free copies; my comment was purely about that poster’s expectation of a freebie. I think OP is being unreasonable to expect her friends to buy her book and come to signings, and that that poster is unreasonable to suggest OP gives copies away for free.

Sharrowgirl · 04/02/2022 16:03

I absolutely would buy it and read it and I have done when I’ve known someone who’s been published. I think that’s pretty crap of them and you’re right to feel miffed.

EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn · 04/02/2022 16:03

@1AngelicFruitCake

I’d love to write a book! How long did it take? To be honest I think it’d be more appropriate for you to give them a copy but perhaps that’s just me!
The author I know only gets half a dozen free copies of her books so it’s not really realistic.
Theonlyoneiknow · 04/02/2022 16:03

YANBU. Congratulations on getting a book published OP! I would also be disappointed in your situation.

Triphazards · 04/02/2022 16:04

I repair old motorbikes.

I don't expect my friends to buy them.

Workconundrummergirl · 04/02/2022 16:05

Perhaps @GlitteriestFluff her husband felt proud walking into Waterstones or wherever and purchasing a book written by his wife. Rather than an ambivalent putting of a free copy on the family bookshelf quietly whilst no one looked lest she be accused of showing off

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/02/2022 16:06

@SNUG2022

YANBU I would definitely read your book! Ricky Gervais, who I love, said he'd never read his partner's books and I thought he was a right wanker for that.
Perhaps he thinks that's more respectful of her privacy? I know that sounds odd, given a published book is by definition public, but in a way, when you read what someone writes you're seeing quite intimately into a part of who they are, and sharing that part of yourself with the public isn't the same as sharing it with your husband. Plus the things other people have said about it being awkward, because if your partner says they like it, they might just be lying to spare your feelings, so you can never 100% trust that. Or worse: they might be honest about disliking it. Lots of people would prefer to keep their work and their relationship somewhat separate.
SummerHouse · 04/02/2022 16:06

I would buy five copies and be shamelessly proud! I would tell people, "this is my friend!!!" They would be impressed that I had a friend who wrote a book and many of them would read it that one step removed. I know this because I did it. Why can't people champion others achievements? Jealousy? I think it's weird they didn't read it, and weird people don't think it weird.

StrychnineIntheSandwiches · 04/02/2022 16:06

@Triphazards

I repair old motorbikes.

I don't expect my friends to buy them.

I'm forever remarking that it's wild you can buy a paperback for the same price as a motorbike.
AryaStarkWolf · 04/02/2022 16:07

YANBU congratulations OP, If you tell me the book I'll read it Flowers

SatinHeart · 04/02/2022 16:08

Congrats OP, or coursd should be more vocally supportive. But they may be either waiting to see if you give them a signed free copy or they are worried they'll recognise themselves or others in it. One of my relatives wrote and self published a novel. I recognised several of the characters in it which made it a bit toe-curling to read. Obviously yours is a proper, well written book, but I think it's a genuine worry for some people.

Hawkins001 · 04/02/2022 16:08

@bethc765

In October I released my first book. It's something I've been working on for a long time and something I've dreamt of since I was little.

It's been really well received, got a brilliant critical reception and I've had excellent feedback from readers.

But not a single person apart from my DH has even bought it. I was out with a friend recently and we went into Waterstones and I pointed it out and she remarked "oh i didn't realise it was a proper book and in shops and stuff".

I have a signing event coming up in March and mentioned it in passing and my friends seemed perplexed as to why anyone would want a book signed by me.

I support my friends with their endeavours so I'm a little bit hurt that nobody I know has shown the slightest bit of interest in something that was really important to me. I'm not even asking them to read it- just pretend they have!

First and foremost a big congratulations op, people psychology, can be a puzzlement at times, all the best with the book.
the80sweregreat · 04/02/2022 16:08

I'll read it if you tell us what it is!
What is the story about ?
Well done though.