Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect people I know to read my book?

464 replies

bethc765 · 04/02/2022 15:32

In October I released my first book. It's something I've been working on for a long time and something I've dreamt of since I was little.

It's been really well received, got a brilliant critical reception and I've had excellent feedback from readers.

But not a single person apart from my DH has even bought it. I was out with a friend recently and we went into Waterstones and I pointed it out and she remarked "oh i didn't realise it was a proper book and in shops and stuff".

I have a signing event coming up in March and mentioned it in passing and my friends seemed perplexed as to why anyone would want a book signed by me.

I support my friends with their endeavours so I'm a little bit hurt that nobody I know has shown the slightest bit of interest in something that was really important to me. I'm not even asking them to read it- just pretend they have!

OP posts:
theleafandnotthetree · 04/02/2022 15:50

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

YABU. People have their own budgets, time commitments etc. It's great you are published, but I wouldn't expect someone to buy and read your book just because they know you.
Oh for the love of God, their own budgets? We're not talking about buying a private plane the OP designed. It's a book! And as for the time commitment bit, if someone doesn't have enough time in life to buy and/or read the book of a good friend, maybe they need to rethink their quality of life. The excuses made on here for people are ludicrous. It's like we can't have any expectations of our friends other than that they not pretend they don't know us at all. Even then some would probably say 'well you don't know what was going on for them that day'. 🙄
sonjadog · 04/02/2022 15:50

I work as an academic and I publish a lot. Not just in academic journals but also in magazines and books aimed at the general public. None of my friends ever read what I write! It is a bit of a standing joke now. One of them uses one of my books as a doorstop.

Why don't they read them? I guess maybe because in their mind I am me, their friend, the person who goes to the pub, and the professional me who publishes is someone they don't know. Maybe they have trouble reconciling those two people? I don't really know. It's quite nice to have a group of people who know me just for me, rather than as the author of x, tbh.

stuntbubbles · 04/02/2022 15:50

If a good friend of mine had written a book I’d probably have expected to be given a copy , I find it odd that your husband bought one .
Do you give your work away for free? How lovely to be independently wealthy! Authors in the UK earn an average £12,000 a year and that figure is heavily skewed up by people like JK Rowling; for most it’s a lot less than that. Contractually they get a set of free copies but most of us use those for marketing purposes, or sell them at events.

iklboo · 04/02/2022 15:50

Maybe they're worried they won't like it & would feel uncomfortable giving negative feedback / reviews (or lying that they did).

Porfre · 04/02/2022 15:51

YABU.

I wouldn't expect them to buy it .
But maybe support you by coming with you to an event .

Also it depends on the book subject and the length on whether they should read it or not.

I wouldn't want to read 1000 pages on canal systems as an example.

changewwible · 04/02/2022 15:51

Argh, I've been in this situation and it was very awkward - I was not a fan of the book, and it was not very well written or edited.

And the genre was very niche, think fairies/magic, not something I'd choose or enjoy usually.

And she wouldn't let up asking for my opinion.

HacerSonarSusPasos · 04/02/2022 15:51

@Triphazards

What has your writing a book got to do with your friends?
If you were an actor would you not hope your friends would want to come to your first play?

If you were a photographer or painter would you not want your friends to drop by your first major gallery?

If you opened a cupcake shop would you not want them to come by and try them out?

That's what you do when your friends achieve something that is important to them. You show up and celebrate with them even if you don't see what the big deal is.

StrychnineIntheSandwiches · 04/02/2022 15:53

Our relationship was always a bit wary after that - it was like he was talking to the polite administrator but he knew underneath that was the cavalry officer with a bad temper and a sword.

Grin

maybe he was expecting you to write from the viewpoint of a wholesome nurse, dabbing brows and blushing under the gaze of a handsome but taciturn officer.

theleafandnotthetree · 04/02/2022 15:53

@StrychnineIntheSandwiches

Massive achievement, well done!

I'd certainly read a book written but a good friend, presuming it wasn't a technical manual or an academic textbook.

Do you think there may be a bit of the green-eyed monster at work? The exaggerated 'oh, it's an actual book you can buy in bookshops?'. And surely everyone knows books signings are a thing for many authors. Even if they weren't readers you think they could at least muster some enthusiasm for you.

At least your DH read it. That's the important one!

I would actually be just as hurt if close friends didn't read it as my spouse, I would no way consider him the Important One!
SpinsForGin · 04/02/2022 15:53

You need new friends.
Friends are supposed to support and champion each other. I'd be really disappointed too.

violetmonster · 04/02/2022 15:54

Not reading it is one thing, there could be plenty of legitimate reasons for not wanting to read a friends book as others have outlined

But not supporting you is a whole different kettle of fish, I'd be really upset if I achieved something like this and my friends weren't pleased for me! I'd have been taking your picture with the books, it's exciting !!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/02/2022 15:54

Ah a friend of mine could write the driveliest drivel and I'd skim read a few chapters and then lie through my teeth and tell her she'd done a great job

Honesty is often overrated

I'd fear them asking me something along the lines of 'And so how to you feel I encapsulated the change in the relationship dynamic between the two secondary characters in the minor second subplot when I described their interaction over the test tube cleaning machine and related it to contemporary countercultural values in the postmodern society of outer Hampstead after the Pond was closed for essential repairs to the bank with the reference to his being her Edward and her being his Bella?'

When one is standing in the mud with a spade somebody's handed you, it's frequently more sensible to put it down, go and have a cuppa and let somebody else volunteer to dig themselves a bloody great hole with it.

ragdollmum · 04/02/2022 15:55

If you are Bethany Clift then I absolutely adored your book and I hope you write more (just a guess from your user name and the timings)

ElftonWednesday · 04/02/2022 15:55

What's the book, OP?

I'll buy it!

wonkylegs · 04/02/2022 15:56

My neighbour wrote and published 2 books. We bought and read both of them, even though I'd probably heard most of the stories in the autobiography before over coffee.
Unless it was a technical or professional book I'd always try to read something my friends or family had written and even if it was out of my sphere of interest or knowledge would encourage them.

Beanybob · 04/02/2022 15:56

I wouldn't necessarily expect them to buy it but I would hope they would manage to be vaguely interested, even if they couldn't get as excited as me. Sod them. Next time they have news and start jabbering on just say that's nice and change the subject.

DisforDarkChocolate · 04/02/2022 15:56

Congratulations, that's a massive achievement. YANBU, friends should at least show some interest.

What's it about?

grapewine · 04/02/2022 15:57

The "real book in a bookstore" comment isn't so weird to me, actually. So many people self-publish now, after all. I have worked with several self-published authors.

ginislife · 04/02/2022 15:57

My friend has now written 4 books and I've read them all. I was in the first one (fictional but the character had my name) which was a lovely surprise. I'd always support a friend by buying their book and going to a signing

NellePorter · 04/02/2022 15:57

YANBU, I would be disappointed too. Congratulations!

GlitteriestFluff · 04/02/2022 15:57

Your DH bought it???

This post is a bit humble-brag. I'm guessing OP is less humble in real life.

Cos otherwise, surely friends would support you at your signing at least? But if you are the sort of person who doesn't give your DH a freebie....

You are in bookshops, OP, is that not validation enough?

StrychnineIntheSandwiches · 04/02/2022 15:58

Fair enough, @theleafandnotthetree. For me it would be more important that my partner read it. As in I'd hang over his shoulder and squawk 'hmmm, only on page 63 I see'. I'd hope the readers among my friends might read it. But not all my close friends are readers. But I absolutely would have an expectation that they'd be excited and happy for me. Because that's what friends should do for one another.

WorstXmasEver · 04/02/2022 15:58

I wouldn't read it.

grapewine · 04/02/2022 15:58

*who sell via online platforms, I meant to add.

Floralnomad · 04/02/2022 15:58

@stuntbubbles

If a good friend of mine had written a book I’d probably have expected to be given a copy , I find it odd that your husband bought one . Do you give your work away for free? How lovely to be independently wealthy! Authors in the UK earn an average £12,000 a year and that figure is heavily skewed up by people like JK Rowling; for most it’s a lot less than that. Contractually they get a set of free copies but most of us use those for marketing purposes, or sell them at events.
Fair point , but if it’s the OPs actual job then why would you expect your friends to fund that , if I was a cleaner I wouldn’t expect all my friends to employ me to clean , or if I was a personal fitness trainer I wouldn’t expect all my friends to pay for sessions .