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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 07/02/2022 20:48

Why is she stil going to the hen after blocking you shes so unaware isnt she

overnightangel · 08/02/2022 04:49

Same

MinnieGirl · 08/02/2022 07:10

Any update OP?

Toanewstart23 · 08/02/2022 07:23

@whynotwhatknot

Why is she stil going to the hen after blocking you shes so unaware isnt she
Because no one seems to have a strong enough spine to actually confront her
Vloggamammy · 08/02/2022 19:55

How did the call go yesterday - we desperately need are casually awaiting an update

Onlyhuman123 · 08/02/2022 22:10

Gaaaaah....the suspense is killing me....

HarreePotter · 08/02/2022 22:40

I'm not sure @Mizanined will be back as the media have found this thread :(

ladycarlotta · 08/02/2022 23:25

@HarreePotter

I'm not sure *@Mizanined* will be back as the media have found this thread :(
oh no :( this is such a bummer. I really hate that they get so much content from here.
Hawkins001 · 09/02/2022 16:37

Seems another thread gone zzzzzzz

AcrossthePond55 · 09/02/2022 18:47

Well, I wouldn't update either if my thread got picked up. In fact, I'd be asking for it to be deleted, so I wouldn't be surprised if this goes 'poof'.

Toanewstart23 · 09/02/2022 19:48

@AcrossthePond55

Well, I wouldn't update either if my thread got picked up. In fact, I'd be asking for it to be deleted, so I wouldn't be surprised if this goes 'poof'.
Or if the OP’s vivid imagination for a good fictional story ran dry
Hawkins001 · 09/02/2022 21:43

@AcrossthePond55

Well, I wouldn't update either if my thread got picked up. In fact, I'd be asking for it to be deleted, so I wouldn't be surprised if this goes 'poof'.
Everyone by now or at least most people, I presume know mumsnet and the risks with various papers running stories. So why post to begin with in that situation , knowing it's likely that it could happen ?
JustSayin1 · 10/02/2022 01:25

100% she's wearing white to your wedding, and won't see the issue

Justilou1 · 10/02/2022 23:06

😆 And she’ll cry if you don’t “arrange” for her to catch the bouquet…. “It’s not faaaaaaaair” you know…

BobHadBitchTits · 16/02/2022 08:59

Just here for the update that never came...

Original poster
Mizanined · 16/02/2022 09:32

Hi to everyone who wanted an update:

The boys had a Zoom call the other day and basically it turns out the whole story of B and G getting together is different to what they had been telling people - I dont really get the details but essentially B got together with G before she had properly broken up with her ex (who we will call K) - B only admitted this to G within the last couple of weeks. BUT B and K were on again / off again for a while before this because apparently K had a habit of cheating on her whenever he was away on a stag do! Hence why B automatically believes that any group of guys going away on a stag do etc are always up to no good!

In the Zoom call G basically said hes no longer happy being with her but its complicated due to their DC and the fact he has now moved so far away, had to change professions cos of the move etc. He is looking forward to coming to the stag and reconnecting with everyone etc, looking into the logistics of breaking up and how co-parenting long distance would work.

Still kind of dreading the stag tbh! The latest is that B is still coming down but is going to stay with her in laws (G's parents) but not get involved in the stag as the original plan. Apparently she has started making noises around wanting to go and watch the outdoor activity the guys are taking part in "so we can watch Daddy win" which the best men are probably taking a dim view of. DP has been told not to worry and has been promised a stag to remember.

As far as my own hen goes I'm properly in the dark as my bridesmaids who are organising it have made all the chats etc secret from me again. I would be unbelievably surprised if B tries to turn up at the airport but then who knows...

OP posts:
Original poster
Mizanined · 16/02/2022 09:43

Also I have read the whole thread and am now better educated cos I had to google what an Anderson shelter is! So thanks I guess

OP posts:
Pipsquiggle · 16/02/2022 09:45

OMG @Mizanined
Firstly, thanks for coming back. I have been thinking about you.
B has zero emotional intelligence and no shame. She probably will turn up at the stags activity and will turn up to your hen. So either G has to tell her she CANNOT attend any part of the stag or she will just do as she likes. Also your bridesmaids need to be explicit as to whether she can attend your hen or not.

At the moment I feel very sorry to G who it sounds like has been hoodwinked to moving hours away from his support network by an absolute psycho bitch. I mean she's already cheated on him with K.

3luckystars · 16/02/2022 09:54

Thanks very much for coming back with the update.
I think G would probably be better off staying near to the children if they split up, she sounds like she has a lot of hurt and he has gotten into a difficult situation now. All the very best with the wedding.

Toanewstart23 · 16/02/2022 10:03

G tells two BM, your DH and another bloke that he’s unhappy in his relationship and planning on ending it

Before actually speaking with his partner?

Toanewstart23 · 16/02/2022 10:04

* At the moment I feel very sorry to G *

G sounds like one of the most spineless men I have ever heard

Original poster
Mizanined · 16/02/2022 10:07

Yeah this is what the guys were talking about - G said staying up there would be better in terms of facilitating contact for DS with B's family (who sound great tbf) , and even economically in terms of him being able to afford property etc (we live in Surrey lol). But nobody is really sure about contact etc especially as they are not married. All of our group bar B are early mid-20s, no divorces etc and the majority still childless so none of us really have a any clue about this stuff

I can still anticipate the stag being kind of a nightmare just cos it has the potential to get so volatile if B really is intending to come down. My hen is very straightforward by comparison as we are flying out to Spain so the simple fact is B is getting nowhere near any of it if ticket etc isnt booked!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mizanined · 16/02/2022 10:11

To be fair to G a lot of it isnt really his making - the other big bombshell he dropped to the boys on the Zoom chat is that B admitted she lied to him about being on the pill when she got preggers with their DS - at the time he was still living down South and had plans to buy his own place with his cousin but obvs once she became pregnant felt he had to move to be with her

OP posts:
ILoveYou3000 · 16/02/2022 10:12

@Toanewstart23

* At the moment I feel very sorry to G *

G sounds like one of the most spineless men I have ever heard

Would you call a woman spineless for discussing relationship problems with her closest friends?
Toanewstart23 · 16/02/2022 10:16

Nope, not in isolation
But the previous way he’s handled everything in conjunction - yes