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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
anon666 · 05/02/2022 20:15

@Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver

Brilliant!! Cheers for that. Google did not reveal anything 😂😂

autienotnaughty · 05/02/2022 20:33

Do not let her come on your hen do

MenaiMna · 05/02/2022 20:34

Vloggamammy: asterisked for the faint hearted
F O to the far side of F then F O* some more

Icantfindmykeys · 05/02/2022 20:39

You sound lovely, you go and enjoy your hen let them sort theirs out. It sounds like someone has issues and not you.

IndieR22 · 05/02/2022 20:49

Intrigued to see any updates we may get after Monday!

StoneofDestiny · 05/02/2022 21:25

Crikey - never heard of a woman and baby going on a stag do. Can't believe her partner hasn't run a mile after this performance.

eekbumbler · 05/02/2022 21:38

20 odd years ago my partner went away with work for the weekend, it was a work event. I ended up calling the place constantly demanding to know what he was doing, who he was speaking to, what women were there...

It's sad to look back on that now. I would have been labelled a controlling nutter - not far off! But I was very very ill mentally and didn't realise.

I think your DP needs to open up to G and give G an opportunity to say how it is and maybe G bows out. It's a stag do, none of them will want B there (unless G for a quiet life).

It's odd to think I was like B, but it was so awful living in a state on constant anxiety, mistrust and mainly paranoia that I do actually feel for B. But she needs help.

Apologies if got me BeeGees mixed up!

eekbumbler · 05/02/2022 21:41

Oh hang on, didn't read full thread - that escalated!!! Omg. Yes fotfosafoa or something!

MadMadMadamMim · 05/02/2022 21:57

I can't get over how weird it is to expect to go on a stag do for a bloke you don't really know WITH your toddler...

Similarly can't get over why G didn't just say to her You're utterly batshit. C'mon...I can't do that to a mate. I'll not go if you're making this much fuss, but you can't seriously expect to invite yourself to a stag do and for the guys to arrange it round you and a baby!

StickyToffeePuddingAndIceCream · 05/02/2022 22:00

She's tagging along on a stag do with an 18 month old 🤣🤣🤔 oh dear. Why is the boyfriend of this woman allowing this? Its a stag do, you aren't a man you have no place. My sister in law tried to tag along on my husband's stag, she hates drinking (she's gay so I think she sees herself as more of one of the lads) but she's the most uptight straight laced person I've ever met. I still cant believe she suggested it. My husband told her absolutely not. I have no idea why any woman would want to be anywhere near a stag, it's for men. I'd react the same if someone brought their husband on a hen do.

Iamnotamermaid · 05/02/2022 22:18

Think you need new WhatsApps groups which B is banned from.

Pumpfive · 05/02/2022 22:25

Its not even a baby but a toddler. A full blown toddler. No children should be on stag or hen do's in my opinion unless it's that kind of vibe.

Tulips21 · 05/02/2022 22:40

God she sounds batshit.

I hope your DP gets a stag with just his friends and no crazy GF and the kid tagging along

booplefloof · 05/02/2022 22:49

Jesus wept. What has G got himself into?

MichelleScarn · 05/02/2022 22:50

@Vloggamammy it means 'fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more! Grin

MichelleScarn · 05/02/2022 22:51

And apologies if its been mentioned, she's BLOCKED you on WhatsApp but wants to come to your hen?!

eekbumbler · 05/02/2022 23:00

Got to page 12 then started having doubts, it really did escalate quickly. But I was that nutter (thankful I can look back and laugh)

HiKelsey · 05/02/2022 23:09

Can I just say you've obviously both made very good choices for your best man and maid of honor. Little sad though that B as a adult and a mum hasn't managed to work through her trust problems from previous relationships. Her partner may get to a point where he just had enough of her attitude. Hopefully you do both get the nights you hope for though

AcrossthePond55 · 06/02/2022 00:28

I have to get my players straight. Can't tell the players without a scorecard.:

OP- Bride

DP- Groom

G- friend of DP Groom, married to B

B-G's wife (and their child) has rearranged and relocated the STAG to which she was not invited so she can attend. Has changed the dinner reservation for the HEN to suit her & child's needs. I think she was invited to the hen?

BM1-Bridesmaid 1/organizer of Hen? Has blocked OP Bride from Hen chat to save her stress whilst the changed reservation and B are 'dealt with'.

BM -Best Man/organizer of Stag? Has blocked DP Groom from Stag chat to save him stress in order to deal with G and his wife B.

Whew!! I hope I've got it all straight now.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 06/02/2022 01:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Hawkins001 · 06/02/2022 01:32

@AcrossthePond55

I have to get my players straight. Can't tell the players without a scorecard.:

OP- Bride

DP- Groom

G- friend of DP Groom, married to B

B-G's wife (and their child) has rearranged and relocated the STAG to which she was not invited so she can attend. Has changed the dinner reservation for the HEN to suit her & child's needs. I think she was invited to the hen?

BM1-Bridesmaid 1/organizer of Hen? Has blocked OP Bride from Hen chat to save her stress whilst the changed reservation and B are 'dealt with'.

BM -Best Man/organizer of Stag? Has blocked DP Groom from Stag chat to save him stress in order to deal with G and his wife B.

Whew!! I hope I've got it all straight now.

I think that's the basics. Now it's game set and match, and just waiting the results
DoveOfPiss · 06/02/2022 01:33

@AcrossthePond55

No, Mad B changed the reservation of the Stag do to an earlier time and added an extra place and a high chair 😱😱

AcrossthePond55 · 06/02/2022 01:42

[quote DoveOfPiss]@AcrossthePond55

No, Mad B changed the reservation of the Stag do to an earlier time and added an extra place and a high chair 😱😱[/quote]
Ohhhh! So why they remove OP from the Hen chat? It's just batshit either way.

Shitandhills · 06/02/2022 02:05

@AcrossthePond55 removed bride/op from hen chat because B is on there slagging off all the stags for trying to deal with her batshittery and BMs want bride to avoid stress. Plus B is also trying to get the other hens on board by inviting them to the stag too.

Minniemia · 06/02/2022 02:12

She clearly doesn’t trust G.
Maybe he’s given her cause to not trust him.
Your DP should tell G to put his foot down and tell B she and baby can’t come as it’s a stag do and if she insists, he should uninvite G IMHO.