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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
Missingpop · 05/02/2022 18:15

The GF sounds like she has some serious issues; what woman wants to gatecrash a stag do; personally I’d rather have a full tweezer pluck on my vag before barging in on a stag do; maybe her OH has cheated; or she’s a complete control freak scared silly they’ve got a troupe of big boobed strippers ready to give out free hand jobs, either way you old man needs to man up & control & tell her to fook off home & take the sprig with her.

AshtonsMummy2017 · 05/02/2022 18:22

He shouldn’t be going, that’s completely ridiculous, I’d be tempted to message her and ask her to kindly stop trying to change my partner’s stag do to suit herself, it’s not her bloody wedding. I would be soooooo mad in your situation, but of course unless your husband wants to say anything looks like his in for the worst stay do ever. Don’t you feel guilty tho, enjoy your hen doo. Something the guys need to sort themselves.

mirabellemadrigal · 05/02/2022 18:27

Wow, she's nuts. Why can't she just stay home alone for a few days Or make plans with her friends and family?

Why would G need to get home quickly anyway?

Please tell me she's not bringing the toddler on your hen do

Pinklemonade1 · 05/02/2022 18:31

She's a control freak and doesn't trust her own husband. Shouldn't be your husband's problem..totally out of order .

BikeMadMummyOf3 · 05/02/2022 18:32

If I was B's DP I'd be so embarrassed that my DP was gate crashing my mates stag! How cringe! Maybe you an the girls should have a polite word with her or tell DP to tell her DP to have words with her?

Fluffmum · 05/02/2022 18:36

She obviously had trust issues.

Mumontour85 · 05/02/2022 18:55

I would personally let G drop out of the weekend, rather than change every single element to accommodate him and his Mrs. If his Mrs is so insecure and pathetic she can't spend a weekend alone or with a different family member after 18 months of parenting, then its not your partners problem!
The audacity of some of her requests are genuinely unbelievable, your husband is a very patient man!

I would go back to original plans and say to G that its a shame that B can't make other arrangements but it is a once in a lifetime weekend for the groom to be, and changing all the plans to suit G is utterly pointless if B and their toddler crash all the plans and activities anyway as G will be so distracted he might as well not be there!

Dontknowwhattodo99 · 05/02/2022 19:11

This is the best MN post in ages….please post an update Monday night after the man chat…Grin

CurzonDax · 05/02/2022 19:12

Just caught up with rest of thread. Wow.

I also can't believe that she's blocked you, and get still thinks she's invited/wants to go to hen (why spend money on a hen who you dislike enough to block?).
Your BUs need to distinctive her quickly OP.

A yeah - she's still turning up to the annex.

Any updates today OP?

Tigger1895 · 05/02/2022 19:16

Any chance she’s a control freak? It sounds like he’s only allowed go if she does. Do any of the GFs know her? If so get them to tell her she’s out of order and needs to get the F out of the stag.

Minfilia · 05/02/2022 19:18

This thread is glorious.

She is totally batshit Grin

Tigger1895 · 05/02/2022 19:20

And yet here you are kicking off yourself. I guess WW3 isn’t such a big issue for you after all

Amybelle88 · 05/02/2022 19:26

She is off her actual twat

SusieQuatro · 05/02/2022 19:35

A good way to solve the problem. Just cancel the man's invite and reorganize the stag do.

anon666 · 05/02/2022 19:36

She is batshit. Completely bizarre.

Sorry you're hanging to deal with this drama on your hennight / stagnight.

What is FOTTFSOFATFOSOM?

FortniteBoysMum · 05/02/2022 19:38

I'm thinking the two properties are owned by the same person. If I was the best man I might be tempted to contact the owner and ask if they could cancel her booking by saying there is a problem like its double booked or something. Alternatively tell her partner to man up and tell her it's a stag weekend meaning no women invited.

EveningOverRooftops · 05/02/2022 19:39

The GF sounds like my sister. She is a ‘victim narc’ as the closest descriptor. She always does the poor me routine so everyone has to change their plans for HER it’s infuriating and I too feel bad for your DP!

I’d have to say something.

A simple ‘no’ it’s a men only thing and if you don’t have a penis you shouldn’t be there.

anon666 · 05/02/2022 19:58

Another thought. Is one of the women going an ex of G that he's never got over or something?

It's still completely bonkers.

I love the laid-back nature of blokes sometimes. The fact that they seem to end up going along with shite like this. This reminds me of my brother sadly. He's so besotted with his wife but he's completely under the thumb. She is also batshit, controlling, and always comes up with crazy stunts like this. It's sadly almost broken our family up over the past 20 years. He and I were best friends as kids, like twins, but I got sick of all the weird behaviour in the end and just had to distance. I tried everything but there was no pleasing her. Even if we all changed our arrangements to suit her, she would change it again or not turn up, because the point was to be destructive/disruptive, not to actually achieve anything. Some people are bloody hard work.

Spotsandstars · 05/02/2022 20:00

I don’t buy the whole ‘I’m so anxious, untrusting and worried my dp will cheat on me’ MN is full of women who have gone through betrayal and will admit their insecurities with trusting their partners but I bet not one would act like this in these circumstances?!

Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 05/02/2022 20:00

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs
Yes, lest we forget, careless talk costs lives.
OnlyAFleshWound · 05/02/2022 20:02

@Mizanined

Ok 2 fairly bonkers things have just happened in quick succession:
  1. Text to DP from G saying basically sorry but i probably cant come
  1. Text to ME from BM2, saying the restaurant for the saturday have texted him - thanks for amending the booking, which they can now confirm has been moved to 5pm rather than the original 8pm, and confirming extra guest and extra high chair. BM2 asks do I know anything about this?

Sorry if this makes no sense but FUCKING HELL

Omg!! So unlikely!!
OnlyAFleshWound · 05/02/2022 20:03

@Plummer88

Changing the meal booking? Nope. She’s a crazy cow and gone too far.
I know right?! She totally jumped the shark at that point!
Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 05/02/2022 20:05

@anon666 - you ask: What is FOTTFSOFATFOSOM? I think it's Mumsnet Speak for something like: "Fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more." But I am happy to be corrected if it's not!

Wreath21 · 05/02/2022 20:08

As with all abusive people, this horrible woman has been getting away with her behaviour for so long because it ramps up in increments. She always picks men who are softhearted and protective (and quite often limited in their experience of dating), and persuades them that they are the only one who understands her and also, somehow, that they are lucky to have her, that she is precious.
If she doesn't get her own way, she cries. She's 'vulnerable'. She just needs a bit more time, guys... There's usually at least one person in the friendship group who can spot a cunt like this a mile off but is leaned on by the rest of the group to 'be kind', to accomodate Cunty for the sake of the lovely friend. ANd slowly but steadily it reaches a point like this - and the rest of the group either have to bin off the lovely friend or hope he somehow comes to his senses.
In this case the poor bloke's had a child with her so he will never be rid of her - even if he dumps her, she will use the child as a weapon.

Vloggamammy · 05/02/2022 20:14

@Mizanined

I have now been removed from my hen chat lol. Also just went to text B to tell her to FOTTFSOFATFOSOM bur she appears to have blocked me on WhatsApp
excuse my ignorance but what does FOTTFSOFATFOSOM stand for ?