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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
Wellhungdonkey · 04/02/2022 04:44

My mum used to do similar for my birthday, ask if I wanted to ho out for lunch then sit there when the bill came until I pulled out my purse. (not anymore as I refuse the invite) she would also buy shit I don’t need snd present me with the receipt.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 04/02/2022 04:52

I don't think this is funny at all. Your SD sounds horrendous. Your DH needs to tell her very clearly that this is unacceptable.

BasiliskStare · 04/02/2022 05:00

I am not sure anyone it that ditsy.

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 04/02/2022 05:05

University degree but dense? No, rather I suspect she's learned how not to give a penny.

I'd call her, say you've checked the menu online and already know what you'd like so here's the list and if she could pay in advance that would take the stress out of the day for you.

Someone with a degree is well able to understand what a gift is. She's a piss taker.

RantyAunty · 04/02/2022 05:19

I imagine you've been with your DH for awhile and this can't be the first time.

What's stopping you from saying something to her?

She could have an undiagnosed or ignored LD.

Her having a degree means nothing. She very easily could have had someone else do the work.

Geronimorlassie · 04/02/2022 05:27

You may be amused or used to this. But this is not the way of the world. You are her closest...you need to tell her this is unacceptable. Tell her with love but tell her.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 04/02/2022 05:27

[quote L0stinCyberspace]@bluefloweronyellow my goodness, university? Did she graduate?

If yes, then she needs to be rapidly disabused of her "unusual angles" because no amount of pretty makes your "gift" acceptable behaviour for an adult.[/quote]
At OP has said... Any number of simpering men encouraging /enabling this behaviour.

Clutching at straws... Is sje so lacking on social awareness... When she hears her friends say... I got mum/dad/worthy person a slap up high /tea lunch... That the GIFT is ARRANGING it, 😂??

MimiDaisy11 · 04/02/2022 05:28

Surely she must run into trouble acting like this? I get that you say her dad is wealthy and she’s pretty but really that can’t protect against everything. She’ll surely find it harder when men aren’t as keen to rush to her aid as she gets older.
If I were her father I wouldn’t let things like this go as eventually she’ll come across others who don’t.
I do find it hard to understand how an adult could act like this without some issues going on. Perhaps she’s undiagnosed.

Aposterhasnoname · 04/02/2022 05:47

Sorry, I shouldn’t, but I’m howling here . That’s absolutely classic.

TokyoSushi · 04/02/2022 05:50

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

Powertoyou · 04/02/2022 06:04

@Hydrate

Your sd is 32 and thinks that is a gift? Ridiculous! I cannot understand why her df does not tell her.
Yes completely ridiculous. Explain to her how presents work. What a stupid girl, she can’t get away with it. No wonder she has money. Don’t go to the afternoon tea, she hasn’t brought you a present, she made a phone call. When it’s her birthday, call her to wish her a happy birthday and say this is my present to you. I’m sure she would be very quick to criticise that, but is no difference.

It sounds like something Denise Royle would do.

maddy68 · 04/02/2022 06:16

So your dh should be telling her ....

Starstar7 · 04/02/2022 06:20

I find this a common problem in this country..rather than gently asking her why not just come out with it undead of this quietly stewing and posting a rant on the Internet!

timeisnotaline · 04/02/2022 06:25

How is it harmless to let your child grow up to completely utterly useless? Did your dh have zero parenting skills? What if her husband were hit by a bus, would your Dh have to take over bills paying and food shopping? I’m just finding it really hard to find this funny, that even at 32 your dh can’t take her aside and say honey that’s not exactly a present, that’s not how presents work. Maybe you could get some nice flowers at least so you haven’t just booked a table and called it a present.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 04/02/2022 06:31

@Wellhungdonkey

My mum used to do similar for my birthday, ask if I wanted to ho out for lunch then sit there when the bill came until I pulled out my purse. (not anymore as I refuse the invite) she would also buy shit I don’t need snd present me with the receipt.
Outrageous!
sonjadog · 04/02/2022 06:34

This works when she is young, but she is looking at a rather sad and lonely future. Prettiest fades and ditziness is no longer charming as you get older. It would actually be kinder to treat her like an equal adult now rather than like a little child.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 04/02/2022 06:35

This really cheered me up today, thanks op.

Holly60 · 04/02/2022 06:36

@CaroleFuckingBaskin

Book her a 3 night stay at the ritz for hers
Grin
cookiemonster2468 · 04/02/2022 06:40

I get on with her. No animosity. She just doesn't get it. It is quite brilliantly hilarious in how daft it is

Well, quite.

I think you're coping with this in very good humour and that's all you can do really.

You obviously like her and get on, and she simply has a complete lack of social awareness. You're not going to change that by being upset about a gift, so why bother? She's probably just be confused.

Enjoy her company and enjoy her as a person for who she is.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 04/02/2022 06:50

Good grief, she’s certainly seen you and her father coming, hasn’t she? She sounds the absolute queen of manipulative cunning if she’s capable not only of pulling this off but having the two of you just clucking indulgently and chuckling about how adorably dippy she is.

It sounds as if she’s got everyone in her world on an absolute string. She’s not the thick as mince one in her circle, I’ll tell you that!

ZenNudist · 04/02/2022 06:51

That's her birthday sorted then!

RedHelenB · 04/02/2022 06:52

You need to tell her that it needs paying for to be termed a gift. Did your dh never take her shopping to choose presents as a child?

blyn72 · 04/02/2022 06:54

Maybe she will give you the cash afterwards.

Well, we must live in hope.

WhyYesYABU · 04/02/2022 06:54

I love you attitude to this and hope you have an amazing birthday Flowers

What are you going to reserve for her birthday?

Thefaceofboe · 04/02/2022 06:58

Sorry this really made me laugh Grin

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