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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 04/02/2022 02:33

@L0stinCyberspace

"No, honestly I don't want to be mean but surely this is a sign of learning disabilities or very below normal IQ?"
@Momijin
@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

No it isn't. Those of us who have children with LD's do our best to bring them up to function in society. Is your go to always to be insulting towards those who have LD's? People with LD's still work, know what constitutes a gift etc.

This is a sign of being a spoilt bastard and ineffective parenting.

Bogeyes · 04/02/2022 02:35

I would tell her that you can't afford to go.

LadyPropane · 04/02/2022 02:37

She is 32. She knows perfectly well that this is not a gift.

Are you sure you get on so well?

Also, why on earth wouldn't someone say something to her? I can sort of understand you not saying something in the moment, because you're waiting for your DH to step in and do it... But it sounds like he never did. So no one has raised this with her.

BadLad · 04/02/2022 02:43

[quote Ponoka7]@L0stinCyberspace

"No, honestly I don't want to be mean but surely this is a sign of learning disabilities or very below normal IQ?"
@Momijin
@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

No it isn't. Those of us who have children with LD's do our best to bring them up to function in society. Is your go to always to be insulting towards those who have LD's? People with LD's still work, know what constitutes a gift etc.

This is a sign of being a spoilt bastard and ineffective parenting.[/quote]
It does remind me of Spoilt Bastard in Viz, when he demands that his mother hand over her insulin money, so he can go out and buy her a birthday present.

Cas112 · 04/02/2022 02:44

@CaroleFuckingBaskin

Book her a 3 night stay at the ritz for hers
Please do this OP😂
BeaLola · 04/02/2022 02:47

Exactly. In real life, someone would say something.

But it is Real Life, but the receivee hasn't said anything

I have to be honest when I read your OP I did laugh.

Does she have children ? Just trying to think what they would get on their birthdays/Christmas ?

BasiliskStare · 04/02/2022 03:03

Honestly - however much money you have, I would cancel the tea , tell DSD you have done so as you had mistakenly thought it was a present , and if you want to have a lovely afternoon tea go somewhere else and have an equally lovely afternoon tea even if it costs you the same amount - you would need DH on side though for this.

I think however funny - I would just make a bit of a point here. Ditsy only gets you so far in my book.

If I am spending my own money I would prefer to choose as & when I spend it.

LoudSnoringDog · 04/02/2022 03:10

I would fast run out of patience with this daft behaviour

bebarkered · 04/02/2022 03:17

Message her and say "so generous of you to pay for my birthday tea, but, what I would really love for my main present is a bottle of Roja Parfum De La Nuit No1. Harrods and Selfridges stock it darling, but, I'm sure you know that already (with you being a woman of some taste like myself mwah).
Love you forever sweetie!

OopsadayZ · 04/02/2022 03:26

@bluefloweronyellow

She is like Alice in the Vicar of Dibley in many ways. Not as, em, simple but similar.

She is beautiful. Stunning. And has glided through life with much male support. Men rush to help her and think she is used to being adored.

Honestly, you'd like her. She's very nice. But very poor social awareness.

Sorry but she's not nice. If she was nice she'd have bought a proper gift. If she was short of cash then she'd have made something or given an IOU.
milkyaqua · 04/02/2022 03:26

Nothing says 'Happy Birthday!' like 'You're paying'!

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 04/02/2022 03:30

Why does she need to be educated?

She has a rich husband who thinks the sun shines out of her arse.

She will be Just Fine!

buddylicious · 04/02/2022 03:32

I think your DH should tell her it's not acceptable!

Newestname002 · 04/02/2022 03:38

@bluefloweronyellow

She's 32 and dense. Not mean or anything but not a thinker.

She genuinely thinks she's given a gift.

DH rolled his eyes.

Hasn't your DH spoken to his daughter about this - and previous behaviour - at all? Rolling his eyes at this isn't really enough, surely?

Also you say DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant. Would have thought her DH would recognise her actions, however alternative l, also wasn't right and sorted the payment - especially as it's partly his gift to you? 🌹

user1471439310 · 04/02/2022 03:43

Personally it seems everyone including you say that is just how she is. She knows its a shitty thing to do but her father treats her like a little doll and her husband is no better. I would hand it back to her and tell her to stuff it. Also tell her father he raised a very class less daughter.

LiveintheNow · 04/02/2022 03:43

Act daft, pay half fare.

BadLad · 04/02/2022 03:46

Regift it by rearranging the booking for her birthday.

Rainallnight · 04/02/2022 03:47

This is hilarious. But it also makes me wonder how DH and her mum raised her. Was she never taken to a shop when she was little to buy a present for someone with her pocket money? These things have to be taught and her parents didn’t teach her.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/02/2022 03:48

Those of us who have children with LD's do our best to bring them up to function in society. Is your go to always to be insulting towards those who have LD's? People with LD's still work, know what constitutes a gift etc.

You quoted another poster but then tagged me in too?

Apologies if I caused offence - absolutely none was intended. I personally said that it must either be a result of LD OR spoilt brat tendencies: suggesting the latter being indefensible and the former not being the individual's own fault (and in no way an insult) IF they have never been brought up properly, in the face of additional parenting challenges.

Saying that a (rare) individual behaving like OP's DSD might be a result of considerable LD is in no way similar at all to suggesting that all/most people with LDs would act this way. The fact that OP started this thread is a clear indication that it is not a common occurrence.

As I'm sure you'll agree, there is not a single state of having LDs - it is a very wide, varied spectrum. I don't see how it could possibly be construed as insulting ALL people with LDs and their parents by pointing out that, IF this particular individual had LDs and had not been brought up well to understand and deal with situations in the light of them, that could be a mitigating factor in her individual behaviour.

AmIbeingTreasonable · 04/02/2022 03:48

Please give her a similar (not paid for) gift on her birthday. She must be so stupid it's a wonder she can breathe!

A580Hojas · 04/02/2022 04:13

Your DH has failed somewhere as a parent tbh. I'm more surprised you're going to go along with it for some reason Confused. What sort of message does that send to someone who is already massively over indulged?

Shunter350 · 04/02/2022 04:22

Brilliant! I remember getting my mum a lawnmower as a gift.. Grin

RedRobin100 · 04/02/2022 04:26

not a thinker 😂

That’s maybe a bit naive..?!

Why on earth has your husband not said something to her?! To be fair I dint think you should have to..

HollyBollyBooBoo · 04/02/2022 04:26

I just can't understand why you wouldn't say something though. Why are you letting her be like that? Don't get it.

BasiliskStare · 04/02/2022 04:27

@bluefloweronyellow - if you want to go and can afford it & a waiting list then go - and enjoy it. But if it were me I would say to her - Oh how thoughtful of you to book , but I had thought it was a present. Next time - if I'm paying can you check with me whether it is what I wanted or convenient (probably a better way of phrasing that )