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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
InvalidCrumb · 05/02/2022 08:35

@Snog

I have a very beautiful relative just like this! Glides through life, very charming, men constantly falling over themselves to help her 😆 eg strangers will drive her hundreds of miles out of their way when she misses a train/flight If she is over the baggage limit the man behind her in the queue will be thrilled to pay, arrives at a bar, barman buys her drink....
Have you seen the John Hamm episode of 30 Rock? He's like this in it, it's brilliant.
Original poster
bluefloweronyellow · 05/02/2022 09:13

Well, thank you for all the replies.

The afternoon tea is tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it.

Some people have asked questions or made comments.

I married into the family late in life so have only known DSD as an adult. They are quite financially comfortable as a family whereas I worked to make my money.

She is dense in the true sense of the word but bright and has no malice in her at all. She's quite a unique person and people are naturally drawn to her. I suppose the word is charismatic. People are protective of her as she has an innocence about her but at the same time she always lands on her feet and navigates the world with an airy confidence.

She's very happy. I like her and enjoy spending time with her, as do most people.

She's just very thoughtless at details I suppose. She's a wonderful guest at any occasion, really makes an impact. You really can't help but like her.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 05/02/2022 09:33

I don’t think she is dense, quite clever to ‘buy’ someone a present without having to spend any money yourself. Put on the innocent act so everyone falls for it.

RampantIvy · 05/02/2022 09:38

I don't think she is "dense" either. It is a clever act that she puts on to get what she wants.

Thelazygoat · 05/02/2022 09:57

I'm sure she is very happy. She's got people running around after her, supporting her and avoiding all responsibilities. She does nothing, no wonder she's got the energy to be charismatic. She's not spent all day looking after children or at work like the rest of us. If we were all allowed to live like that instead of having to be adults and worry about bills, children, work and general life. We would all we walking around in innocent childlike airy bubbles.

hibeat · 05/02/2022 10:03

She is not dense, she does not like her mother in law and would not spend a penny on her. This is why husband and father are coming to the rescue. Give her time she might come round. I do not think it is an act either. More like a lapsus.

Tippexy · 05/02/2022 10:07

@bluefloweronyellow

Well, thank you for all the replies.

The afternoon tea is tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it.

Some people have asked questions or made comments.

I married into the family late in life so have only known DSD as an adult. They are quite financially comfortable as a family whereas I worked to make my money.

She is dense in the true sense of the word but bright and has no malice in her at all. She's quite a unique person and people are naturally drawn to her. I suppose the word is charismatic. People are protective of her as she has an innocence about her but at the same time she always lands on her feet and navigates the world with an airy confidence.

She's very happy. I like her and enjoy spending time with her, as do most people.

She's just very thoughtless at details I suppose. She's a wonderful guest at any occasion, really makes an impact. You really can't help but like her.

Why are you enabling her?
Itsalmostanaccessory · 05/02/2022 10:09

@bluefloweronyellow

Well, thank you for all the replies.

The afternoon tea is tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it.

Some people have asked questions or made comments.

I married into the family late in life so have only known DSD as an adult. They are quite financially comfortable as a family whereas I worked to make my money.

She is dense in the true sense of the word but bright and has no malice in her at all. She's quite a unique person and people are naturally drawn to her. I suppose the word is charismatic. People are protective of her as she has an innocence about her but at the same time she always lands on her feet and navigates the world with an airy confidence.

She's very happy. I like her and enjoy spending time with her, as do most people.

She's just very thoughtless at details I suppose. She's a wonderful guest at any occasion, really makes an impact. You really can't help but like her.

Sounds a bit like Boris Johnson. People keep becoming enamoured by them despite deeply unpleasant, rude and thoughtless behaviour. Because they're "charasmatic".

People are so dumb.

Belladonna12 · 05/02/2022 10:10

It's hilarious how so many posters who have never met the DSD are so convinced that they know her better than OP, and all her family and friends.

toomuchlaundry · 05/02/2022 10:15

@Belladonna12 no-one is that stupid that they think reserving a table (at I assume a pricey restaurant) for an afternoon tea that the recipient has to then pay for is a present

thegirlwiththelongblackhair · 05/02/2022 10:16

@misspercy

Reserve half the Argos catalogue for her birthday. Tell her she can choose which thing she collects and pay for the one she wants.
I needed to read this, thanks for making me laugh on my sad morning Grin
WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 05/02/2022 10:17

You sound like a really nice person OP. I love the fact you seem to be able to see the best in her and be so gracious about her “gift” and planned to go have a nice time anyway.

I think many of us would far happier if we adopted your positive outlook.

toomuchlaundry · 05/02/2022 10:18

@WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe we might be a lot poorer!

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 05/02/2022 10:21

OP have a lovely cream tea today!

Belladonna12 · 05/02/2022 10:23

[quote toomuchlaundry]@Belladonna12 no-one is that stupid that they think reserving a table (at I assume a pricey restaurant) for an afternoon tea that the recipient has to then pay for is a present[/quote]
I have met people who wouldn't necessarily realise if it wasn't pointed out because they don't think things through.

toomuchlaundry · 05/02/2022 10:27

But no-one was going to point it out to the SD, and in fact her husband had to sort it out. She is allowed to carry on in her little airy fairy bubble

Mo1911 · 05/02/2022 10:28

I think she sounds wonderful as do you OP.

The important thing is that there's no malice and she obviously thought ahead and booked it for you a while ago if bookings are hard to come by.

Sometimes the ditzy people among us can lighten to load of the world.

Enjoy your birthday 🎂

Belladonna12 · 05/02/2022 10:29

@toomuchlaundry

But no-one was going to point it out to the SD, and in fact her husband had to sort it out. She is allowed to carry on in her little airy fairy bubble
Maybe the DH will point it out. Regardless, why do you care?
CanofCant · 05/02/2022 10:32

She is dense in the true sense of the word but bright and has no malice in her at all. She's quite a unique person and people are naturally drawn to her. I suppose the word is charismatic. People are protective of her as she has an innocence about her but at the same time she always lands on her feet and navigates the world with an airy confidence.

😂 OP is writing a novel

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/02/2022 10:39

Not that dense if she's giving people presents and making them pay for them!

toomuchlaundry · 05/02/2022 10:41

If this was a man ‘buying’ non presents would he be described as wonderful and ditzy

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/02/2022 10:43

@toomuchlaundry

If this was a man ‘buying’ non presents would he be described as wonderful and ditzy
That's a really good point!
CoalTit · 05/02/2022 10:48

She is dense in the true sense of the word but bright
That makes no sense.
The true sense of the word dense is a lot of matter in a small volume. You mean she's not very perceptive. Then you say she's bright. Which is it?
Her behaviour has bothered you enough to tell Mumsnet about it, which is very sensible. It's a good way to get it off your chest in the short term without any consequences in real life.
The inconsistent "life's too short... she's lovely... you'd like her... she's dense...but bright" stuff makes me think you (quite reasonably) are upset by her behaviour towards you and afraid to do anything about it.

TatianaBis · 05/02/2022 10:48

Nobody but nobody who is not special needs doesn’t know that it’s not a gift to book a tea and not pay for it.

If, like any normal parent, your DH had pulled her up on it and every other similar scenario in her formative years she wouldn’t get away with it.

It’s not innocent it’s just selfish and tight.

But everyone runs around to enable and placate her. So she carries on with this narcissistic twaddle and you all ensure it continues.

I know a lot of charismatic people none of them behave like twats.

annabell22 · 05/02/2022 10:52

DSD probably has a scarily high IQ as this is often accompanied by no common sense whatsoever.