Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 04/02/2022 18:22

@CreakingWreck

Anyone else imagining Amanda from Motherland?!
oh yes!
Bobbins36 · 04/02/2022 18:27

Just reciprocate at Christmas 😂

billy1966 · 04/02/2022 19:02

@CreakingWreck

Anyone else imagining Amanda from Motherland?!
Yes!
whenthedoveslie · 04/02/2022 19:28

What does she do all day?

How does her high earning husband find this stunning ditz who has never held down a job attractive? She isn't even able to shop for gifts.

If this is even real, I bet she loves receiving gifts and has certain expectations when it comes to gifts.

I am sorry I spent so much time reading about this 'pretty' freeloader.

boringperson123 · 04/02/2022 19:31

'Pretty privilege' is insane

Interrobanger · 04/02/2022 19:42

@boringperson123

'Pretty privilege' is insane
She’ll be worse off in the end.

If you trade off your looks, the quality of the trade diminishes as those looks diminish.

BringBackThinEyebrows · 04/02/2022 19:43

If it's "so like her" why are you "flabbergasted"?

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 04/02/2022 19:49

Honestly, you'd like her. She's very nice. But very poor social awareness.

Odd comment to make. I get that her family is sucked in by her.

But why would ‘we’ like someone with poor social awareness?

Why would people think someone with poor social awareness is ‘nice’?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 04/02/2022 20:12

She’s not nice and kind. And you’re enabling her.

Bobbins36 · 04/02/2022 20:20

@bluefloweronyellow

Wow. So many responses. Didn't expect this.

An update. DH has had a word with son in law. He will make sure booking is paid in advance for us. Flowers also on their way, probably organised by his secretary.

I know this is more make enabling but it is what it is. She's not my DD so not for me to accost her.

I say again, she's a nice girl but very in a bubble.

Any future children will be fine (some expressed concern). There will be a full time nanny no doubt to do day to day. She's incredibly nice and kind and very loving. Honestly. Just ditzy.

Why didn’t your husband speak directly to his daughter about this? Why have to speak to her husband to,sort out?
Vloggamammy · 04/02/2022 20:24

@bluefloweronyellow

Wow. So many responses. Didn't expect this.

An update. DH has had a word with son in law. He will make sure booking is paid in advance for us. Flowers also on their way, probably organised by his secretary.

I know this is more make enabling but it is what it is. She's not my DD so not for me to accost her.

I say again, she's a nice girl but very in a bubble.

Any future children will be fine (some expressed concern). There will be a full time nanny no doubt to do day to day. She's incredibly nice and kind and very loving. Honestly. Just ditzy.

I'd say that was an awkward phone call. How did he word it ?
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/02/2022 20:39

@MrsElijahMikaelson1

She’s not nice and kind. And you’re enabling her.
Indeed.
Marcipex · 04/02/2022 21:55

She didn’t realise? Sorry, but what nonsense!

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 04/02/2022 22:06

@CheltenhamLady

I think she is probably as 'ditzy' as BJ is 'bumbling' Smile
Exactly and far too many people fall for their shit and enable/excuse awful behaviour
ArtyChoc · 04/02/2022 22:10

I'm going to reserve my parents a yacht this year! Go me!

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 04/02/2022 22:28

She's incredibly nice and kind and very loving. Honestly. Just ditzy.

Oh bless your heart that you persist in believing this.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 05/02/2022 00:30

Agreed - would love to know how ‘kind’ and ‘loving’ manifest in this woman, when she doesn’t even know how to give someone a gift. And her own Dad’s too scared to have a basic conversation with her……

Kennykenkencat · 05/02/2022 01:42

Any future children will be fine (some expressed concern). There will be a full time nanny no doubt to do day to day. She's incredibly nice and kind and very loving. Honestly. Just ditzy

Ditzy and being solely in charge of a baby doesn’t bode well
I really would worry about her mental capacity and the safety of a child in her care if there aren’t 24 hour per day nannies. Anyone imagining her leaving a baby in a bath tub on their own as she didn’t realise babies couldn’t sit up right on their own.
She reminds me of the people who I knew of growing up who would end up in permanent residential care

Ditzy might sound like a nice word to describe your dsd but it is the same as saying she is brainless or stupid

Would you let a stupid and brainless person look after a child

jimmyjammy001 · 05/02/2022 02:05

Just return the favour and book her a table for the night up The Shard, she might get the message then

CurryWurstUndPommes · 05/02/2022 03:16

My first thought was whether she could be autistic, with lack of social awareness and these unique perspectives on life.

I'm autistic myself, as are many of my immediate family, and this kind of thing sounds horribly familiar.

Momijin · 05/02/2022 05:21

@bluefloweronyellow

Wow. So many responses. Didn't expect this.

An update. DH has had a word with son in law. He will make sure booking is paid in advance for us. Flowers also on their way, probably organised by his secretary.

I know this is more make enabling but it is what it is. She's not my DD so not for me to accost her.

I say again, she's a nice girl but very in a bubble.

Any future children will be fine (some expressed concern). There will be a full time nanny no doubt to do day to day. She's incredibly nice and kind and very loving. Honestly. Just ditzy.

This gets even weirder. Surely the issue isn't the money but the way it was done? Surely, it would have made more sense for your DH to speak to her so she can learn? Because what happens when she does that type of thing to a friend? What did she study at university?
Hopeful16 · 05/02/2022 06:49

Maybe she takes what people say at face value. I would say "I've booked X for my mum for her birthday" but I would MEAN that I've booked and paid for. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Snog · 05/02/2022 08:07

I have a very beautiful relative just like this!
Glides through life, very charming, men constantly falling over themselves to help her 😆 eg strangers will drive her hundreds of miles out of their way when she misses a train/flight
If she is over the baggage limit the man behind her in the queue will be thrilled to pay, arrives at a bar, barman buys her drink....

ufucoffee · 05/02/2022 08:29

@Snog

I have a very beautiful relative just like this! Glides through life, very charming, men constantly falling over themselves to help her 😆 eg strangers will drive her hundreds of miles out of their way when she misses a train/flight If she is over the baggage limit the man behind her in the queue will be thrilled to pay, arrives at a bar, barman buys her drink....
Lucky her but it still doesn't give her the right to do thoughtless and stingy things which is what the OP SD has done
CreakingWreck · 05/02/2022 08:29

@Kennykenkencat

Any future children will be fine (some expressed concern). There will be a full time nanny no doubt to do day to day. She's incredibly nice and kind and very loving. Honestly. Just ditzy

Ditzy and being solely in charge of a baby doesn’t bode well
I really would worry about her mental capacity and the safety of a child in her care if there aren’t 24 hour per day nannies. Anyone imagining her leaving a baby in a bath tub on their own as she didn’t realise babies couldn’t sit up right on their own.
She reminds me of the people who I knew of growing up who would end up in permanent residential care

Ditzy might sound like a nice word to describe your dsd but it is the same as saying she is brainless or stupid

Would you let a stupid and brainless person look after a child

I don't think she sounds stupid and brainless or like she would be a danger to her children.... she just seems very socially unaware and thoughtless. I have met loads of people like this. They're just used to someone else footing the bill in every single scenario, so when it comes to gifts they stick to that formula! Especially people who have plenty of money, they just don't think about the expense that they cause others because it wouldn't be a problem for them. People are still friends with DSD because she's obviously nice to be around. She's not necessarily stupid or a bad person- there's just a certain amount of eye-rolling when she pulls one of her special moves!
Swipe left for the next trending thread