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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
Justkeepon · 04/02/2022 16:46

We will go and I'll send her a photo and I'm sure she'll be all 'you're welcome'.

If you do this you are both just confirming to her that it is a present. If it was me I wouldn't go never mind send her a photo.....because its not a bloody present.

ImprobablePuffin · 04/02/2022 16:50

@Marvellousmadness

Either thick, dumb or asd

I would tell her that the things you've described aren't present
Or id repay her the gift(?) When its her birthday 🤣

Thick, dumb or ASD? Fuck off
Marcipex · 04/02/2022 17:06

Now you know what to get for her birthday.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 04/02/2022 17:12

What would she do if you booked a restaurant for her bday but didn’t pay?

MargosKaftan · 04/02/2022 17:13

Your DH comes out badly from this. Shes bright enough togo to uni, she might think differently, but clearly is intelligent enough to learn if her error was gently pointed out to her. Perhaps over the years when she acted like her attending Christmas was a gift, was she not as a child taught to give gifts, as well as receive them? That her turning up isn't enough if she also expects to be given gifts?

It does seem like she's been allowed to be rude because she's somehow held to different standards to everyone else because she's prettier than average.

Hathertonhariden · 04/02/2022 17:14

DH is quite the misogynist isn't he, bringing up a daughter to think it's acceptable to be like that. Can't imagine that any sons would have been indulged in the same way.

Interrobanger · 04/02/2022 17:22

This is so weird.

Somewhere along the way she internalised the message that normal social standards and rules didn’t apply to her.

What’s weird is how everyone around her colludes in reinforcing it rather than challenging it.

Why didn’t you point out what a crap present that was? Are you afraid of offending her? If so, why? Sounds more like everyone is invested in keeping her in the role of well-meaning bimbo because… why? I suspect the answer to that question would be enlightening for everyone asking themselves it.

ImprobablePuffin · 04/02/2022 17:33

@TempName01

Message her and say - thank you so much for the gift, just checking does the restaurant already have your card details or do you want to transfer me the money after? Really looking forward to it, such a generous, thoughtful gift xoxo
This is a great solution!
wizzywig · 04/02/2022 17:37

There was that Harry Enfield sketch: sw you coming

AutomaticMoon · 04/02/2022 17:40

@ImprobablePuffin Thick, dumb or ASD? 😞

AutomaticMoon · 04/02/2022 17:47

@veevee04

Am I the only one who thinks the SD doesn't like her SM and this is a really passive aggressive of saying that? I don't see anyone without ASD (I'm not saying all people with ASD would do this just a few really struggle with social rules) an LD or a very young child doing this.
This!
AutomaticMoon · 04/02/2022 17:48

@veevee04 Thank you for the sensitive wording, someone else said she’s ‘thick, dumb or ASD’

AutomaticMoon · 04/02/2022 17:51

@Belladonna12

agree she's getting away with this shit because people let her, even moneys learn - but why is it people on MN take to proclaiming that someone is X Y or Z when clearly, the person who knows her best, has just said she's none of those things?

I agree. People are just trying to create drama.

Same.
BoredZelda · 04/02/2022 17:52

Am I the only one who thinks the SD doesn't like her SM and this is a really passive aggressive of saying that?

Yep, I said that too.

TolkiensFallow · 04/02/2022 17:57

I think I might totally love her 😂

SueSaid · 04/02/2022 17:58

'This is so weird.Somewhere along the way she internalised the message that normal social standards and rules didn’t apply to her.What’s weird is how everyone around her colludes in reinforcing it rather than challenging it.'

This!

Oh op someone step up and stop enabling this weird behaviour. It isn't cute or ditsy it is seriously bizarre.

BoredZelda · 04/02/2022 17:58

She's incredibly nice and kind and very loving. Honestly. Just ditzy.

A kind and loving person doesn’t give a restaurant reservation as a gift.

billy1966 · 04/02/2022 18:01

[quote rbe78]@bluefloweronyellow

This is totally going to end up as a Daily Fail story - if you don't want it to pop up on your DSD's facebook feed, you might want to ask MNHQ to take it down![/quote]
I hope it is.

And isn't taken down.

No one is that thick.

She certainly isn't nice and she definitely doesn't like her SM.

Just another CF, with a pretty face and an enabling father and husband.🙄

LoisLane66 · 04/02/2022 18:03

So she 'paid' for a phone call?
I wouldn't go and when she asks I'd tell her what's what.

Isthisit22 · 04/02/2022 18:06

The only way to deal with this is to do exactly the same for her birthday.

Might make her wake up to how self centred she is.

BungleandGeorge · 04/02/2022 18:08

I don’t think you’re doing her any favours by not pointing these things out. What happens if she becomes single and has to fend for herself (and possibly kids)? It’s not that unusual for the stunning but ‘ditzy’ wife to be dumped as she gets older

LoisLane66 · 04/02/2022 18:12

Not socially aware, just thick as two short planks. I wouldn't humour her. Don't tell me she's got to the age of 32 and still thinks issuing invitations to a party or booking a meal don't involve more than making a phone call. She's not all there mentally if that's the case.

CreakingWreck · 04/02/2022 18:17

Anyone else imagining Amanda from Motherland?!

Ellie56 · 04/02/2022 18:18

She went to university? Confused

And there I was wondering how she even gets dressed in the morning.

Vloggamammy · 04/02/2022 18:21

@Salmakia

This is hilarious, sorry but oh my gosh funniest thing I have read all week.
LOL I've an even funnier one. My SIL gave me a cheap bottle of Aldi prosecco for Christmas one year and put it in a gift bag that said "Pop the prosecco you Ho Ho Ho". She had the cheek to say she had bought me a bottle of champagne so was going to save it for DH and I for New years. When I opened it I was never so insulted - particularly as she had given my sister a designer necklace.