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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
Lookforwardtosummer · 04/02/2022 15:10

@Scoot75 that's hilarious 🤣

Redarrow2017 · 04/02/2022 15:10

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Vloggamammy · 04/02/2022 15:17

Reminds me of when my brother booked my favourite hotel for me and DH, it was a 3 night package and didnt include the extras that we would normally get with a much better priced 2 night package. He then said he didnt have the money so I had to pay out 1k and my hubby was just recovered from cancer so I wanted him to have the break.

diddl · 04/02/2022 15:18

"but I understand why the DSD thinks booking something is present enough."

So you think that she has got to 32 & never had to pay for a birthday present?

So who always did?

ImprobablePuffin · 04/02/2022 15:27

OP here's a weird thing...

It is also my birthday on Saturday.

My DSD HAS reserved and PAID for me and DH to go out for dinner at a lovely place but we can't go because our babysitter has covid.

Felt so bizarre reading your thread

Happy birthday for tomorrow x

CheltenhamLady · 04/02/2022 15:27

I think she is probably as 'ditzy' as BJ is 'bumbling' Smile

stayathomer · 04/02/2022 15:27

Old enough to have a husband!
My exact first thought. This is something a 15 yo would do before you gently explain that the person receiving the 'gift' might not be able to afford it!!!

givethatbabyaname · 04/02/2022 15:40

The fact that she told you before you checked with her that you'd have to pay on the day, shows that she KNEW. She knew that all she'd done was make a reservation.

Ditzy and lovely and charming are just the means she uses to get away with fanning her own ego. It's easy to be those things. Easier than earning your way, at least. She gets in life, but she doesn't give. Oh no, that's not for her. She's not ordinary like everyone else, she's special. Which is why you're lucky to have anything at all from her: a restaurant reservation, her presence at Christmas.

More fool all the idiots who don't call her out on it. You kind of want karma to happen to people like this, and kind of don't because it would be so utterly traumatic for them.

Temese · 04/02/2022 15:45

My dd also did this, kept asking me what my favourite restaurant was so she could book it for me but I was paying as she has no money. But then she is 10.

Juniper68 · 04/02/2022 15:46

@bluefloweronyellow

Wow. So many responses. Didn't expect this.

An update. DH has had a word with son in law. He will make sure booking is paid in advance for us. Flowers also on their way, probably organised by his secretary.

I know this is more make enabling but it is what it is. She's not my DD so not for me to accost her.

I say again, she's a nice girl but very in a bubble.

Any future children will be fine (some expressed concern). There will be a full time nanny no doubt to do day to day. She's incredibly nice and kind and very loving. Honestly. Just ditzy.

Ditzy. I'm actually flabbergasted. Never heard anything so mad.

Mumsnet just keeps on giving 🤣

RachelGreeneGreep · 04/02/2022 15:59

@Temese

My dd also did this, kept asking me what my favourite restaurant was so she could book it for me but I was paying as she has no money. But then she is 10.
That is sweet at her age. Aww.
mam0918 · 04/02/2022 16:04

Sound like my friend from school.

She would never get anyone anything and then say
'I THOUGHT about getting you something and remember it's the thought that counts'
(no, I hate that saying it's the bloody EFFORT that counts).

I suppose in this case she has put in some effort but I just can't see how giving someone a bill to pay is a gift.

Its not about money, she could have booked to take you to a free museum or art gallery (just a nice day out) but to book something that costs and then stick the receiver with the bill is rude.

jytdtysrht · 04/02/2022 16:10

Might she just think that it was the thought that counted and that the money didn’t really matter as she doesn’t need to really consider where money comes from or how much is spent?

worriedatthemoment · 04/02/2022 16:11

I don't believe she doesn't realise its not a real gift , just has always got away with it

FreshFancyFrogglette · 04/02/2022 16:13

Is she skint? I mean realistically couldn't afford to pay for it? Its a bit off, but if there is no way she could possibly afford it then I sympathy.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 04/02/2022 16:15

@CaroleFuckingBaskin

Book her a 3 night stay at the ritz for hers
I laughed so hard! Yes OP do this!! Tit for tat
SphincterSaysWhat · 04/02/2022 16:16

@apprenticewage

I'm going to say that she's not quite as dense as you are being led to believe *@bluefloweronyellow* she is happily stringing everyone along in thinking it though! She sounds very manipulative, lazy and entitled to be honest
I agree she's getting away with this shit because people let her, even moneys learn - but why is it people on MN take to proclaiming that someone is X Y or Z when clearly, the person who knows her best, has just said she's none of those things?

You don't know her, don't presume - the OP knows her DIL, hear her when she says she's not a bad person.

ThreeRingCircus · 04/02/2022 16:18

She may be the loveliest person to ever walk this earth but your DH is still doing her a disservice not gently explaining that this is not a gift. What is stopping him doing that? The "aww bless, isn't she dim but lovely" routine is spectacularly unkind to her to be honest and does nothing to help her be a more socially-aware person.

TheHaka · 04/02/2022 16:22

No one’s that daft surely? I wouldn’t bother going, & hope they they charge her a fee for cancellation.

momtoboys · 04/02/2022 16:31

Oh, come onnnnnnnn............WTH?

MargosKaftan · 04/02/2022 16:32

OP - please get your DH to point out to her that she hasn't actually got you a present if you have to pay for it yourself. Shes arranged for you to buy your own gift. That's not the same at all.

If she's bright enough to go to uni if this is explained to her, she will understand her mistake and may be embarrassed.

At the risk of sounding a bitch, she's 32. The "getting away with acting dumb despite being very intelligent because men love her looks" won't last for much longer.

Salmakia · 04/02/2022 16:37

This is hilarious, sorry but oh my gosh funniest thing I have read all week.

Belladonna12 · 04/02/2022 16:40

agree she's getting away with this shit because people let her, even moneys learn - but why is it people on MN take to proclaiming that someone is X Y or Z when clearly, the person who knows her best, has just said she's none of those things?

I agree. People are just trying to create drama.

momtoboys · 04/02/2022 16:43

I'm sorry - I haven't read every comment. Does she have kids? The school parents and/or neighbors will think she is a loon, pretty or not.

MerryMarigold · 04/02/2022 16:44

She just doesn't get it. It is quite brilliantly hilarious in how daft it is.

Does she work for Boris Johnson?